Emptiness
At this very moment I feel alone, completely empty. I don't know where these feelings came from or why, but most importantly I don't know how to get rid of them. However, as I wrote that last sentence I am reminded of the "when". Last week, or maybe two weeks ago I believed my grandmother, the woman who took me into her home and raised me as her own child, was going to die. I saw her weak, heavily sedated, unable to breathe on her own, unable to speak, eat, drink, laugh..... All of the things we take for granted. At that time I was reminded of "loss", which has always been a touchy subject for me. I remember when Terrance died. Even typing that was extremely difficult. I know I've never been the same. Terrance held my heart, he knew my hopes, dreams, desires. I loved him with my very being. I love him still. I remember the child I carried, hearing the heartbeat followed by days, weeks, months, years of pain. I've never experienced anything li...