Orange Skies

My body craves you as I stare into the colors of the Autumn Sky. The rich reds, pinks, purples, blues and orange, entice my senses and I can only imagine our bodies intertwined. Your hands roaming the softness that is my skin while my tongue trace your Manhood. Both searching to quench the thirst that has become of our lust. Or perhaps it's love; in its most primitive form. As I feel like a Cave Woman awaiting Man to come from his fights with the beasts of the land looking for yet another to conquer. 

He enters, grabbing my hair with a hand on my neck and then loosening the grip of my hair in exchange for caressing the body; knowing I belong to only Him. Smelling of delicious sweat and sweet desire we become One, creating passionate sounds and enticing scents that only lovers could create. Our auras glow in the darkness, maybe under the Stars or in the secret places He finds for us. Abandoning reality and all that's left is the Beautiful Fantasy written underneath an Orange Sky. 

Galaxy of Love

Not long after "Strawberry Kisses" I shared the story with a friend who'd often expressed that I had become her "woman crush"; however due to her circumstances I'd always thought she was playing. Well, I learned shortly after that how serious she was. 

One night after getting the "hood" of my clit pierced we were chilling, drinking 151 Rum; straight (if memory serves me correctly). So she began to share how she was hurt and always fantasied/ thought that she'd be my first. Before things got too emotional her significant other changes the subject back to my piercing; I don't remember who asked, but show and tell was requested. Next thing I know tongues are exploring my clit, piercing and pussy. The sensations were like nothing I'd ever experienced. Before I lost myself in the ecstasy and Rum I decided to make my exit. 

She drove me home, but made sure to "69" in the back seat before she allowed me to leave (lol). Our relationship lasted about 6 months of teaching, exploring as well as being Loved and in Love. However, I left that 151 alone. 

Good Morning! Saturday, October 25, 2014

listened to my "secret" playlist and allowed the music and teachings to saturate my subconscious as well as encourage my Dreams & Goals. 

awoke to confirmations and revelations... about to "break fast" with my vision board, business plans, journals and that good in my bowl. 

thanking and praising God for waking me this morning with my mind right and better mood(s). all glory to the Most High 👋🙏🙌

Strawberry Kisses

My first time with "Girls, Girls, Girls". 

Our initial interaction was based on the fact that she was "auditioning" girls to join her and her boyfriend. As she was honest in her description I let her know I wasn't interested in participating; however she and I could become friends and see what developed. She agreed :)

I don't recall the details of her next contact, so I'll fast forward a bit... She let me know that she was with her "best friend" and asked if I wanted to hang out. Upon arrival the mood was delightful; and her friend was an Ebony Eyed beauty!  Drinks, smoke, music and candlelight; the three of us had the most amazing encounter I could've imagined. 

After that experience I knew, no "flings"... Relationships only (with girls that is *giggle*). 

To be continued....

Random Thoughts

My wings want me to fly away

My feet says run as fast as you can

My heart beats in sync with the cadence of your voice

My head reassures me; truly, madly... Deeply. 

Feathers & Flips: The Wrong Ones

"Don’t leave my Ocean for shallow Waters then ask me about the Moon." ~ Dream Hampton

I can feel you attempting to summons me; like you've always done. If you can't tell, I'm ignoring you!  

I've written about it before, however I find myself in a completely different level of bullshit that I refuse to entertain. I've decided to address it/ them so it's known that "I'm Real". 

Feathers: Angry Birds, Pigeons & Chickenheads

Some of your last words to me were "this isn't friendship; this is business." you made no effort to help in my time of need after all the advice, interventions and loyalty shown to you. You betrayed me on a level I've never known; getting over that was to me what I imagine it would be like to end an abusive marriage. Then to put the nails in the coffin, you said as a final remark, "go to your family and get a husband because I've already found mine".... Let's not forget, you got rings with my input and relationship guidance (also your own words). In that moment you died in my head and in my heart. You've been blocked; yet you still pop up on every social media outlet just to get blocked again. Let me guess, you must need my help... Shocking! (Catch the sarcasm). 

I've made peace with the loss, grieved and mourned the "friendship" that sunk long ago. It sunk when you assumed that my assistance, care and concern was a co-sign to the bullshit you continuously find yourself in. Once I realized you never got to know me; you just assumed we were the same type of "bird" rather than seeing that my wings and abilities are vastly different. As you've stated we are not friends; clearly, we never were and I'm not interested in anymore "poor investments". 

Flips: Outdated Communication & Devices

Your old tactics won't work this time. Did you ask, why? Let's start with the fact we don't speak well together. The things you've expressed to my face and what you say when my back is turned are altogether different. And due to my tolerance level and high anxiety you've been blocked as well. This is to you "habitual line crossers"; you know who you are. You check my Facebook and/or ask about me yet won't make amends or change your backbiting, gossiping ways. I've dealt with it long enough and "I'm good", on it, on you, on the foolishness. Call me what you want, my feelings never mattered anyway so carry on. Just know you can't carry me with you this time. The sabotage and unnecessary criticism doesn't affect me the same anymore. So thank you, for showing me an area to grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

I doubt I'll give this anymore of my energy; that is until it's time to expound within the pages/ chapters of the Book. Nevertheless, I thought to write and tell you to keep your thoughts, feelings, words and energy to yourself (your selves) and towards the one(s) you chose. 

I'm where I want/need to be and I thought you were too. The choice was yours. Live with it! 

Morse Code

Have you ever used your sense(s) to give instructions to your body?

When God is the conductor of your moment(s), experience(s)... Life; the music plays so beautifully. 

Urgent Lika Mutha...

Right now

I need you

Between my ears

In my thoughts

Assuring me that...

"All is well".

Right now

I want you

Inside my Heart

Beating with me

Syncing our vibe

And securing our bond.

Right now

I'm wondering

Why aren't you here?

Where have you been?

And most importantly, how can I get you back into the space where we are One?

Right now

i love you. 

*written on October 19, 2014 @ 3:21pm

Vampire Nights; Black Moon

I wish you knew what you truly mean to me. 

I'd honestly hate to "see" you out of my life. 

I'm sure you'll do great, I just know, or should I say... I believe my expressions are unmatched. 

Loving and fucking unknown to the average "human" Being. My desire runs though my veins like Vodka; or Rum; made by the Jamacian Priestess I once was. 

Perhaps you put a spell on me. 

There's a thought! As I have become consumed by you. Fiending like a junkie awaiting my next "hit". 

I need it right now; I think more than my next breath. 

Inland Empress

I've been to the East many times before, however never in this capacity. Everything appears the same as I remember, yet there's something altogether different this time. The Sky I adore is the same, but the Stars are brighter and the weather remains neutral; while the Sun and Moon battle to display their altered states of Being in this foreign land. 

In some ways I expected the experience to be the way it has and on other days I long to return to the Sea. The Shore gives me hope of endless possibilities, and a bit of intrigue as at times I debate taking an anchor and returning to my Mermaid Life. Then I remember the Ones I'd leave behind, along with the Ones who would actually notice and care that I was no more. So I embrace this place called Earth; Lightyears from "Home" and plot to build the Empire I see in my memories. Rediscovering ways to intertwine the lives I left behind, my newfound fantasies, along with this reality. All with the knowing that I am co-creating with the Most High. 

That thought releases feelings of peace and assurance as I know, my God will grant the desires of my Heart. I then have thoughts of flying through the Galaxy, making stops engaging in art, conversation and music leaving my Mind blown and my Heart full of wonder and amazement. Master minding alliances and creating unions, securing the strength and confidence that the Dreams in my Head are simply blueprints to the purpose I was sent to establish and understanding I must succeed. 

The challenge comes with the knowing that this path is unique for me. I don't think I've ever been a woman before, nor been this deep in my Mind or emotions. At times I get scared and thoughts try to convince me that I should retreat or worse, surrender. Neither are options, as stated in "Sometimes The King Is A Woman", if I perish; I perish. This time I'll add, if I perish know I went fighting this battle; that has become my mission for this Lifetime

Pink Clouds; Hidden Moon

Your brown eyes dance when they meet mine. 

Your delicate hands and tiny feet are quite adorable on your petite frame. 

The roundness of your cheeks and curve of your smile send me to a Space in my mind where "Beautiful" resides. 

Soft waves, deep curls or bone straight; the hair captivates me. 

The way in which you adorn your self reminds me of our first Christmas; sparkling and unexpected. 

Your soft lips caress my hand and I only wish they were attached to some one else, so I could truly experience them against mine. 

The delimma of Loving you and realizing I'm simply Loving me. 

Lilac Moon

I don't know when, where or how we'll meet.  I don't know who you are, but I know why...

I long for you; already.

The smell of your hair, the touch of your skin, your caress.  The way your body feels against mine.  The sound of your voice as we exchange ancient secrets and form new recipes of passion; leaving us both in the land of bliss.  In search of an oasis to quench our desires.

I have a suspicion once our Eyes meet you'll know it too.  You'll have a knowing; that just like I do.

you Love me; already.

Venus Take Me Away

I don't Love you; not for any of the obvious...

I admire you for your ambition. 

I cherish you for your wisdom. 

Your words inspire me. 

Your voice makes me shake deep within. 

You made me Love everything about you; effortlessly & unconditionally. 

Venus on Display: "Trust Issues, Thirst Traps and Guilt Tripping"

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love...

I know I've been basking "in Love" for quite some time now; so much so that I did not want to publish this expression.  I touched on my feelings briefly in the piece titled "Venus on Display"; as I am becoming more in tune with my Self, I am also made aware of the affects/ effects of "others" into my Space.  This was brought up due to the fact that recently I was strongly advised to compose an Advanced Directive; at that moment "shit got real!". Although I was aware of the severity of my condition(s); it wasn't until the need to put such a formal document in place that I truly understood how serious things have become.  

Enters "Trust Issues", I thought I knew what I'd do if I was put in this position, but as the saying goes, "until it happens to you...".  I took a moment and discussed things with the Man in my Life who would be "responsible" for me since I am an unmarried woman; my Dad.  Who was completely concerned, loving and supportive;  we even had the conversation regarding "my instructions", which I feel comfortable with.  The trouble comes in when this information is processed again and Anxiety and OCD joins the mix.  I only completely trust God and my self.  I know how this happened; I also understand why I am this way.  The difficult part is overcoming the desire or perhaps the need to trust some one else.  Many times I attempt to, I find myself on the unfortunate side of a "Thirst Trap".

With "Black Twitter" being what it is, I am positive we all know what a thirst trap is; however when it comes to simple emotions/ feelings excluding "lust", I feel it becomes a bit more complex than a silly notion of scantily clad imagery.  With the knowledge in mind that I can be quite hypersensitive I believe it is a despicable act to recognize a void and prey on some one for any reason.  In my experience it's always someone close to you in some way so your guard is already a bit lowered; leaving wiggle room for them and their agenda to coerce you into believing they are trustworthy, reliable, dependable, etc.  Yet every time the need arises and their "true colors" shine forth and rather than the beaming bright hue expected it's drab or dull; usually due to unwillingness, inability to produce results and/or sudden unavailability; leaving an unfortunate "taste" in ones Mind/ "mouth".  Which normally leads to "Guilt Tripping".

I've experienced two types of guilt trips that I can recall.  One where I was on the receiving end, unexpectedly.  Guilt is not an emotion that I've experienced often; aside from these occurrences.  So it was brought to my attention how I had not quite been the "mentor" that was expected.  I wont go into details (at this time), but I will say that I was forced into a "role model" position and thought I was doing enough. That is until an experience of Anxiety Attack forced (almost) everyone involved to have an honest conversation about roles, expectations and the reality of the situation.  My guilt caused me to offer a couple hugs, an apology, a promise gift and vow to "do better".  In the extremely opposite experience I was in conversation with someone who began to speak badly about a Loved One; and in the defense of the absent party, I called the person out on their bullshit.  During the conversation, everything they claimed to have been the victim of, they had done all of it and then some to me.  Needless to say, after their tears fell I was then given I guess you could call it my "inheritance" along with more (soon to be broken) promises.  I have made it a point not to judge people, especially on their inadequacies; as I don't want to be judged by mine.  However, I am a Capricorn, very much "ruled by" Saturn (lol); so I've learned to access and qualify.  From there I put the person into a category to ensure I don't fall "victim" to their "bait" again in the future.

I don't know if a person ever overcomes trust issues, especially as deeply rooted as the ones I have. Yet my hopes in writing this is first to purge and second to bring awareness.  In the past I used to delete the culprit, which then morphed into changing my number on a whim.  Now I simply don't trust that person with much, if anything more than "party & bullshit" aspects of my Life.  Unless I find them to be a repeat offender, which for my sanity, they must be blocked and/or deleted.  This switch has made a world of a difference in maintaining this new found level of Love in my life.  A love I have come to overprotect in the same way as I overprotect my Self, my Son, my privacy, which includes my Loved Ones, Family & Friends.  I will admit in my Fantasy Life, I long for the one(s) I can trust in that space and know they won't do anything to betray me.  I am not naive though, so if it happens, great! And if not; I pray it finds me in my next lifetime.

Check In: "Hello"

Happy Sabbath, Everyone!

I hope you are enjoying this Beautiful, Sunday Morning!  I've been basking in an impromptu "Staycation" (lol) allowing me to discover a love for the City; like never before.  I intend to work on a few posts (hopefully I'll be able to publish them Today :)

Also, "Hello" & "Welcome" to all of my Supporters, Well-Wishers and Friends.  I would like to say "Thank you!" for all of the kind words, care and concern.  It is truly a Blessing to know and feel that you are Loved and Appreciated.  My Heart is bursting with Gratitude.

Namaste

Lastly, for those interested in contacting me, you can do so as follows:

KingKamille3@gmail.com

Venus On Display

"Be thirsty Heart, seek forever without a rest.  Let this soundless longing hidden deep inside you be the source of every word you say" - Rumi

The other evening while working on my fitness, I thought of revisiting a form of writing I'd long abandoned.  I've written wedding vows for my self approximately three times, obviously never taking the opportunity to recite them.  I remember the first poem I wrote; my Aunt assisted me, nevertheless the poem was selected to be published in some school book, I don't recall what type; I just know it wasn't the yearbook.  This was in Junior High School.   I remember some time later I felt "some type of way" and tore up the only copy I had.  Shortly after doing so I promised my self I'd never do that again.

Is there a word stronger than "Love"?  If so that's what I feel for Venus; she's my "Planet of Love" as well as the "Love Planet" of the Universe and I adore Her.  The best part is, the sentiment(s) are mutual! She's my escape when Earth becomes too much like Mars; or worse, Hell.  Both places/ Spaces I've had more than enough of.  Venus hides me in Her mountains, valleys, rivers, oceans and at times in her Moons and Stars.  Speaking to my Soul, allowing me to cry or rejoice knowing that the Divine is with me.

I am unsure when this happened and initially I felt violated as if my Heart/ Love/ "Sweet Disposition" was put on display without my consent.  I had no time to process my thoughts, words or actions; they just morphed from "Ice Princess" to some type of Loving, Lovable, Affectionate Creature.  At times I dont always recognize "her/she/me" especially on Earth or in the light of Day.  I am not completely certain of "why?' this occurs; perhaps because aside from a literal mirror I rarely see "it" from anOther.  In my mind, the spirit or maybe essence would be a better choice... the essence that is "Kamille" at the core of self is vastly different from any one as well as any thing I've encountered in my years on Earth (this time lol). As I've shared in previous posts, I want or should I say, I desire to be my Self; authentically. Trouble I'm finding is, when I rarely see the same qualities reciprocated; it's exhausting! I've joked with select friends, if I had it to do over again I seriously doubt I would've chosen to come here as a "human" being. However in their defense, "no shade, no tea", I am thankful as well as appreciative of the fact that I was allowed the choice of being a Girl/ Woman. 

I often experience deja vu; as of late it occurs more frequently, lasting more than the typical "moment". As I try to piece them together in an attempt to know my self (past, present and future); I begin to question, when exactly does "free will" begin? Like, did it begin "before the foundation of the Earth"? Or in the womb?  My thought is, it occurs before the foundation of the World; however since the Woman's eggs are stationary and the Man's sperm is where the option/ choice(s) lie.  I believe that's where the decision is made.  I often ponder "if life had a reset button" how I'd make different choices; I wont go into them because they are beyond "weird" to the "average" person. LOL.

 

I have a few feelings/ issues that have popped up in writing this piece, so I am going to process them and share soon.

 

To be continued...

 

 

Please note: 

 

I have begun a new treatment plan, including new medication and it seems I have entered a space where my Mental Health is fragile and I don't or maybe I should say, I can't deal with the effects of another Anxiety Attack anytime soon.  So my presence on Social Media may be a bit scattered.  However I ask that you keep me in your prayers (in Jesus name), catch up on previous posts and stay on the look out for new "material".  Thank you for your kindness and understanding.  Until we "meet" again; Namaste.

 

When It Comes To "love".

As i channelled feelings as well as thoughts of previous expressions of "love", I couldn't help thinking about a time when I was willing to "go hard or go home" so to speak. 

The year was hmmm 2010 or 2011 and my "lover" at the time was over Seas. During an email conversation he mentioned being homesick; so I asked if there was anything I could do to make "it" better? He then expressed his need for one (1) item and I assured him that I'd take care of it. Shortly after my good "friend" OCD mingled with "love" and I was off, in search of...

As I shopped I thought, "if it were me, I'd appreciate a complete 'care' package"; so I included some silly things, a few 'insiders', a book and other 'cute' items. Somehow the timing synced almost perfectly with Valentine's Day so I also included a card and candy :)

Not long after we had another conversation and an item was mentioned. This time I didn't mention if I'd act on it, we were simply sharing information. Not long after the conversation, boredom and OCD got together; well this time the task wasn't as easy to complete. I went online and sent tons of emails in search of Bakeries in the UK in hopes of shipping, to no avail. 

Since the mission was unsuccessful I thought to share the story with him, who of course said "Kamille, you are crazy!", seeing how that's been said countless times, I've come to the awareness and adjusted my response. So I simply replied, "I know". LMAO.