The World Outside My Window

“Be the light. Touch the world. Give people your power to see. Show them your soul.” Expherience It’s interesting to see the growth in the girl who began this blog, realizing some beliefs that no longer serve me and how I have learned to recognize their origin. Becoming a woman is not an easy task; I think the most appreciated change has been maturity in various aspects of the word. I am learning to “be the light” and the more challenging, “give people your power to see”; I tend to like to stay low-key. People are often surprised (irl) when they discover a talent or gift that I possess, although it may be something I’m extremely familiar with I may shy away from the exposure or attention. I’m working on that, even in my sharing on this blog as well as the other . Oftentimes I have thoughts of writing or words to share and I’ll talk myself out of it, for fear of the unknown… One of my goals for the new year is to be more expressive in my writing, sharing and in my daily lif...

The most interesting thing about dealing with Anxiety Disorder for me has been self discovery. Naturally I am a curious person, I like to know how things operate so I observe and analyze (usually over-analyzing); which explains my fascination with psychology, specifically behavioral psychology.  As an only child I spent a lot of time with myself, so prior to the incident(s) triggering the Disorder I felt as if I knew myself to my "core".  I recall a conversation with my first therapist where she explained how we all have certain levels of anxiety (and/or any other "issue" which require awareness). Some people may have a higher tolerance while others may be predisposed to a Disorder, perhaps genetically or through conditioning (nature vs. nurture). I was aware of the concept however it's something totally different when you are now the "subject". I am reminded of a conversation I had about a year ago with my Mother, I'm not sure how it began but we ...

Once again, I'm not sure how far I want to go back, or how much I would like to share as this post is quite different from the battle which was/is,  "The Struggle" .   I guess I'll just keep it within the past few days and see where it goes... As I mentioned I'd gotten back to the  "atmosphere"  within myself that I've designated my  "Sweet Escape",  shortly after for various reasons I found myself in a state of high anxiety ending with tears.  Monday, I knew  "the Feelings"  weren't going anywhere and I'd need to increase the effort relating to the techniques learned through experience, research and therapy in hopes the Anxiety wouldn't escalate or create an attack.  I figured I'd begin with washing my hair and from there my mood should improve.  It's clear that would not be enough, so I began to meditate which lead to the realization that my "yin and yang" were out of sync.  I began searching online...

I spent some time this weekend reading through The Blog; first randomly selecting posts which lead to reading the associated entry, before I knew it I was lost in my own words for hours. I know I mentioned the thought of deleting and starting anew, but I've decided not to. The truth is: the thoughts and feelings shared were from my Heart; and to delete or attempt to "erase" them won't take away the space it filled during that time. I began The Blog hmmm around 2008 (iBelieve) with private settings as a way to process my thoughts and feelings. I had no intention on sharing them with anyone, let alone "strangers". So in 2012 when I had the conversation to change settings to public (see, " Comfort Zone(s)" ) I made sure to delete almost all of the posts I'd published (2008- 2010). Overall, I am glad that I did since those thoughts were extremely personal not to mention private; and I know I would've been quite uncomfortable sharing. This ...

I've been searching for the "right" words to share; wrestling with the need to overcompensate for the length of time I left my Blog unattended. Each time I attempted to compose a post it was all too much... I hate over-sharing; I've always felt stupid when it's occurred, knowing there must have been a simpler way to express those thoughts without being "emotionally slutty". Initially I'd lost confidence in my writing for whatever reason. Then my desire to write returned, but I didn't know where to begin and/or how to determine how open I should be considering I have so much going on within myself. As I've stated before, I don't like to share a post without some type of conclusion or "victory" so to speak. Well towards the end of May 2014 I decided to do some sort of cleanse. I say some sort because this one is uniquely different than the ones I've done in the past. Now that I've established some type of routine I can...

As I look over my drafts as well as the number of entries this year I find myself asking "What Happened?".  It seems I may have gotten distracted, various things come to mind especially the post My New Baby ; I was so excited to introduce my words to another audience however I may have gone about it prematurely.  I later wrote What's Missing... which was a good start (in my mind) to introduce myself and combine both blogs.  Well, I realize I didn't have the proper time or resources to commit to both.  Add to that insomnia, anxiety and some of life's obstacles and you have what's happened; one post per month...   I intend to "do better" in the months to come, especially as the year comes to an end.  I find myself reflecting a bit early, and I can see my growth as well as some areas where I need work.  Thanks again for being a part of this journey, I am unsure where it leads exactly however with each new step, challenge, accomplishme...

It seems to happen randomly; I'll have a thought and while I am still processing it, my mind is flooded with several others.  Each more challenging then the first.  This mainly happens while I am attempting to do several other things; I typically like to multi-task.  It keeps Boredom away; I can't recall the last time I felt "Bored".  I find it interesting when people say that to me, "I'm bored" or they'll seem shocked or surprised when I tell them I rarely feel that way; and the moment I do, I treat it the same as "Insomnia"; I'll ask my Self  "what do you want to learn?", this is typically followed my a few thoughts, recommendations or ideas and I "choose one".  Problem solved...   I have been wanting to write for quite some time, yet the words were so scrambled it begain aggravating my Migraine so I'd have to push it to the side.  Recently, I began to jot down the Thoughts that come or Ideas; in the past ...

I want to write... Here are the challenges keeping me from doing so: 1. I don't like to discuss things until they are DONE. You know the saying "don't talk about it, be about it"? That's me 100%; so what do you write when everything's still "a work in progress"? Not to mention, words are powerful and I am not ready to share certain things publicly as they may affect my outcomes. In many things I can't afford to be naïve in thinking that everyone who reads my words or knows me personally wishes me well. Lets be honest, "misery loves company", "unhappiness despises change" and "The Mediocre hates The Over-Achiever" . So please forgive me when I choose NOT to give you ammunition to fuel negative energy towards me. Those who do such don't need any of my help. While those who wish me well and send positive energy, do so without requiring specifics. 2. Keeping #1 in mind, I don't desire to dwell in the sorrow...