The World Outside My Window

So I was accepted into the School I applied to, however since I had to complete all of my documentation during Mercury Retrograde I wasn't surprised when "upon review" it was determined that I need to complete more General classes before I can begin my program.  So there's a slight delay, however I am still on track towards the overall goal.  I find myself having dreams or should I say nightmares filled with anxiety about the next phase of my journey, but in the end I know.... well I believe I can overcome them with patience towards myself as well as the proper support. I took a break from my meds again, this time I am noticing a few side-effects which I will discuss in therapy along with my Doctor and see if possibly changing medication or something could be beneficial.  It seems to be contributing to my weight gain, and I think it goes without saying that I am unhappy about it.  I know this may sound odd, but I'd rather be "skinny" and "crazy...

At times I feel as if I wear my Heart on my sleeve; I make an attempt to conceal it, but I feel as if it shows regardless.  Some times I wish I was more nonchalant about things.  Not allowing them to get under my skin, although I already know that's an impossibility for me.  Funny because it was difficult prior to the Anxiety Disorder,  so now it's mind blowing how sensitive I can become.  I dislike feeling as if I am "using" the disorder as a crutch or a scapegoat, but in reality I am aware that I am not how I once was; nor will I ever be again. That's the part that gets to me the most, to understand that I have changed on many levels; one of which I am not in alignment with.  As a Capricorn I can be quite moody by nature, but adding to that the disorders, conditions, phobias, etc. all of which are out of my control and based upon an element of my self that I am still discovering, is quite overwhelming.  I struggle daily to keep the feelings "in ...

I've decided not too long ago that I would take an introspective look concerning my issues with vulnerability. It seems I feel as if it is a weakness that many choose to prey upon; as opposed to a strength that only the brave and courageous are willing to explore.  With each post I am confronted by my comfort zone which often leads to a slight debate regarding which parts to edit away and which should stay.  Or which should remain in a private journal rather than being posted on the Blog; not to mention the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I must hold onto until a therapist is secured and I can share my Self completely without judgement or criticism.   I believe needs come in all shapes, sizes and forms; they can also be specific to sentimental times in a person's life.  For me, a few months of the year brings about "Anniversaries" and "Awareness" or "Observation" on special dates that have either changed my life or are now a part of the j...

Like (almost) everyone, I anticipated the return of Winter Season programming on television; trouble came when my "faves" returned and could not hold my interest.  Without realizing it, I practically don't watch anything anymore; that is unless something comes to mind and I YouTube it.  When doing that it's mostly music or something that will provide (spiritual/ mental) enlightenment, growth and/or wisdom.  Once it came to my awareness I than took inventory on where my thoughts were and what my words and actions created. To my surprise, I had accomplished some things that were on the "back burner" for quite some time.  To say I was/am overjoyed by the amount of checks on my "to do list", I even realized how much extra time I had each day.   During my trip to Nevada I entertained a vegetarian style of eating and actually enjoyed it; I believe I lasted about 5- 6 days and felt a difference; however due to my specific type of allergies, a "d...

I am currently sorting through various feelings concerning my health and over all well-being.  This time away has really allowed me to take an introspective look at my self as well as my goals, hopes and dreams.  I feel an intense desire to work hard as well as smart to ensure my life is designed exactly as my God and I are creating.   The other day I decided to watch "The Secret" again, to my surprise I truly understood why I'd incorporated many of the practices taught in that documentary; and to say the ones I've consistently made my best effort to observe have been successful.  In more than a few areas of my life; helping me to see clearly the areas which still need a bit of care and improvement.  I begun an expression to share with the Blog a few days ago as a follow-up to " Venus on Display " and " Venus on Display: "Trust Issues, Thirst Traps and Guilt Tripping" , yet each time I dive a bit deeper into my Self, I tend to pause and ne...

I've been to the East many times before, however never in this capacity. Everything appears the same as I remember, yet there's something altogether different this time. The Sky I adore is the same, but the Stars are brighter and the weather remains neutral; while the Sun and Moon battle to display their altered states of Being in this foreign land.  In some ways I expected the experience to be the way it has and on other days I long to return to the Sea. The Shore gives me hope of endless possibilities, and a bit of intrigue as at times I debate taking an anchor and returning to my Mermaid Life. Then I remember the Ones I'd leave behind, along with the Ones who would actually notice and care that I was no more. So I embrace this place called Earth; Lightyears from "Home" and plot to build the Empire I see in my memories. Rediscovering ways to intertwine the lives I left behind, my newfound fantasies, along with this reality. All with the knowing that I am co-...

I am in Love with Love and Love is in love with me. My body is in Love with the soul and the soul is in Love with my body. I opened my arms to Love ...  and Love embraced me like a lover. ~ Rumi