Late Night Thoughts

I am currently sorting through various feelings concerning my health and over all well-being.  This time away has really allowed me to take an introspective look at my self as well as my goals, hopes and dreams.  I feel an intense desire to work hard as well as smart to ensure my life is designed exactly as my God and I are creating.  

The other day I decided to watch "The Secret" again, to my surprise I truly understood why I'd incorporated many of the practices taught in that documentary; and to say the ones I've consistently made my best effort to observe have been successful.  In more than a few areas of my life; helping me to see clearly the areas which still need a bit of care and improvement.  I begun an expression to share with the Blog a few days ago as a follow-up to "Venus on Display" and "Venus on Display: "Trust Issues, Thirst Traps and Guilt Tripping", yet each time I dive a bit deeper into my Self, I tend to pause and need a moment to re-group.  At times I've felt as if the words weren't quite what I had in my heart to share.  I feel as if I should be willing to bare my soul and open my self to the words on the page; allowing them to express exactly what I have in my mind.  Yet when speaking in vulnerable terms there's the fear, I suppose you can call it that; or perhaps uncertainty.  In how the words will be received, not in an insecure way; more on the lines of using the words as my form of art and allowing the creative juices to flow and the nervousness of how my expressions will be received.  Not to mention the fact that I am working on several "dreams" and more goals than I can keep up with at times.  Funny thing is, I still find time for friends, family, hobbies and "other".

Yesterday I felt exhausted, however I haven't quite finished my "to do" lists for the remainder of the week as well as some preparing for a few surprises that I am looking forward to sharing with you all.  About a month ago I joked with a couple of friends and suggested I may restart my 30s because I wasn't pleased with a few of the years in the very beginning.  After a little consideration, I'm thinking that is actually a great idea! I feel as if I need a refreshing in order to accomplish things according to plan as well as allow myself to have a bit of fun.  Dealing with anxiety disorder for the past two years has taken it's toll, yet I find strength and endurance in my faith and belief in my God; Jesus, knowing that "all things work together for the good..."

To be continued.