The World Outside My Window

At times I feel as if I wear my Heart on my sleeve; I make an attempt to conceal it, but I feel as if it shows regardless.  Some times I wish I was more nonchalant about things.  Not allowing them to get under my skin, although I already know that's an impossibility for me.  Funny because it was difficult prior to the Anxiety Disorder,  so now it's mind blowing how sensitive I can become.  I dislike feeling as if I am "using" the disorder as a crutch or a scapegoat, but in reality I am aware that I am not how I once was; nor will I ever be again. That's the part that gets to me the most, to understand that I have changed on many levels; one of which I am not in alignment with.  As a Capricorn I can be quite moody by nature, but adding to that the disorders, conditions, phobias, etc. all of which are out of my control and based upon an element of my self that I am still discovering, is quite overwhelming.  I struggle daily to keep the feelings "in ...

"…But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief." - from 48 Laws of Power; Law 4, Always Say Less Than Necessary I recall when I was in my 20's (especially), I used to "pop off" at the mouth (easily); always "just sayin".  There was one night in particular where I was out with a friend and friends of hers, at a club and this random guy was a bit too touchy and ungentlemanly for my taste. Well, after I'd had enough (which didn't take long), I started talking all types of shit.  I wish I could remember the exchange, but it's neither here nor there at this point.  Anyway, had things escalated it would've been a situation of "when keeping it real goes wrong".... Over the years I've learned to control my self a lot better.  In that situation I (try my best to) defuse the situation before it gets too out of ...

I've decided not too long ago that I would take an introspective look concerning my issues with vulnerability. It seems I feel as if it is a weakness that many choose to prey upon; as opposed to a strength that only the brave and courageous are willing to explore.  With each post I am confronted by my comfort zone which often leads to a slight debate regarding which parts to edit away and which should stay.  Or which should remain in a private journal rather than being posted on the Blog; not to mention the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I must hold onto until a therapist is secured and I can share my Self completely without judgement or criticism.   I believe needs come in all shapes, sizes and forms; they can also be specific to sentimental times in a person's life.  For me, a few months of the year brings about "Anniversaries" and "Awareness" or "Observation" on special dates that have either changed my life or are now a part of the j...

I am currently sorting through various feelings concerning my health and over all well-being.  This time away has really allowed me to take an introspective look at my self as well as my goals, hopes and dreams.  I feel an intense desire to work hard as well as smart to ensure my life is designed exactly as my God and I are creating.   The other day I decided to watch "The Secret" again, to my surprise I truly understood why I'd incorporated many of the practices taught in that documentary; and to say the ones I've consistently made my best effort to observe have been successful.  In more than a few areas of my life; helping me to see clearly the areas which still need a bit of care and improvement.  I begun an expression to share with the Blog a few days ago as a follow-up to " Venus on Display " and " Venus on Display: "Trust Issues, Thirst Traps and Guilt Tripping" , yet each time I dive a bit deeper into my Self, I tend to pause and ne...

I am super excited about the writing I've been doing as well as what I have in mind to share.  I am enjoying my Journey thusfar and I'm currently on my way to enjoy a hike followed by whatever the Day brings.  Just wanted to touch basis with you all and wish you a very happy 1111! I intend to share more, but until then.... Love.

Love, Love, Love, Love, Love... I know I've been basking "in Love" for quite some time now; so much so that I did not want to publish this expression.  I touched on my feelings briefly in the piece titled " Venus on Display "; as I am becoming more in tune with my Self, I am also made aware of the affects/ effects of "others" into my Space.  This was brought up due to the fact that recently I was strongly advised to compose an Advanced Directive ; at that moment "shit got real!". Although I was aware of the severity of my condition(s); it wasn't until the need to put such a formal document in place that I truly understood how serious things have become.   Enters "Trust Issues", I thought I knew what I'd do if I was put in this position, but as the saying goes, "until it happens to you...".  I took a moment and discussed things with the Man in my Life who would be "responsible" for me since I am ...

Happy Sabbath, Everyone! I hope you are enjoying this Beautiful, Sunday Morning!  I've been basking in an impromptu "Staycation" (lol) allowing me to discover a love for the City; like never before.  I intend to work on a few posts (hopefully I'll be able to publish them Today :) Also, "Hello" & "Welcome" to all of my Supporters, Well-Wishers and Friends.  I would like to say "Thank you!" for all of the kind words, care and concern.  It is truly a Blessing to know and feel that you are Loved and Appreciated.  My Heart is bursting with Gratitude. Namaste Lastly, for those interested in contacting me, you can do so as follows: KingKamille3@gmail.com

Unless you are new to the Blog you are aware I have been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder . Next month will be two years since the initial attack and that has a few things coming to the surface.  For starters, I don't know if it would be classified as a "secret" per say since I know I've mentioned it in various posts.  I was also diagnosed with Severe Depression , which I never rarely talk about.  I thought if I kept it to myself and "dealt with it quietly" it would go away since I wasn't giving it any attention or energy.  Well, I was wrong.  It's silently killing me; some days are less difficult if I'm only fighting Anxiety , but other days are brutal since both attack my Mind.  If you follow me on Twitter, Instagram and/or Facebook you know that I've gotten back into fitness; mostly walking, running, some hiking and yoga.  I've incorporated some reliable herbs into my diet to assist with hormonal balancing and I've steppe...

The most interesting thing about dealing with Anxiety Disorder for me has been self discovery. Naturally I am a curious person, I like to know how things operate so I observe and analyze (usually over-analyzing); which explains my fascination with psychology, specifically behavioral psychology.  As an only child I spent a lot of time with myself, so prior to the incident(s) triggering the Disorder I felt as if I knew myself to my "core".  I recall a conversation with my first therapist where she explained how we all have certain levels of anxiety (and/or any other "issue" which require awareness). Some people may have a higher tolerance while others may be predisposed to a Disorder, perhaps genetically or through conditioning (nature vs. nurture). I was aware of the concept however it's something totally different when you are now the "subject". I am reminded of a conversation I had about a year ago with my Mother, I'm not sure how it began but we ...

Once again, I'm not sure how far I want to go back, or how much I would like to share as this post is quite different from the battle which was/is,  "The Struggle" .   I guess I'll just keep it within the past few days and see where it goes... As I mentioned I'd gotten back to the  "atmosphere"  within myself that I've designated my  "Sweet Escape",  shortly after for various reasons I found myself in a state of high anxiety ending with tears.  Monday, I knew  "the Feelings"  weren't going anywhere and I'd need to increase the effort relating to the techniques learned through experience, research and therapy in hopes the Anxiety wouldn't escalate or create an attack.  I figured I'd begin with washing my hair and from there my mood should improve.  It's clear that would not be enough, so I began to meditate which lead to the realization that my "yin and yang" were out of sync.  I began searching online...

It's approaching two years since I was first diagnosed with "Anxiety Disorder", prior to that time I had no care or concern for mental health, mental illness or anything associated with it. Not from a standpoint of not having empathy or compassion for those who suffer from it or have loved ones battling various conditions; it was more like "out of sight, out of mind" as I've never really had anyone close to me battle such "d'evils". I won't go into detail regarding how it became a part of my life, however in previous posts I have shared somewhat how it effects me.  I recall last year being the worst with it (to date), that was when I truly learned by experience how much different my life had become.  The Anxiety attacks had become more frequent as well as migraine headaches, insomnia, eczema and other symptoms associated with the disorder. I know of a time or a few where I'd gone into an anxiety attack and completely blacked out, ...