The World Outside My Window

is it True? is it Helpful? is it Inspiring? is it Necessary? is it Kind? Do you truly "T.H.I.N.K" before you speak? Typically I do, however the way I think has changed over time. Before my only care was if I found it "true" and "necessary", you know the "let me tell you about yourself" approach, funny thing about that is: not everyone cares if its actually true, as in "a fact". Most seem to simply operate out of their truth, which is subjective based on the number of facts they believe they have. Not researching further into a situation prior to speaking what they may know nothing or very little about. I was such a bitch, however it was because I said the things to someone's face that others gossip about behind their backs. I didn't care about friends, being liked or anyone's feelings, I figured "someone had to tell'em". Then I asked myself, "why do you HAVE to be that someone"? So I stopped. ...

I need to work at "getting to the point", honestly I believe that's for casual relationships. However, in business and/or personal relationships you should enjoy sharing the details. Improper sharing may result in casualties, oftentimes at your own expense (is that a coincidence?). I believe presentation is extremely important. To the point, if a dish isn't visually appealing, I can't eat it. Some will say, "that's unreasonable", I agree to disagree and move on to the next thing. Yet, I can be unreasonable with other things. I don't always recognize it so I usually asks randumbly. I've learned, or so it seems, when I have to ask if I'm being unreasonable, oftentimes it's because I am. Here's a weird, fun fact: I consider #Insomnia to be one of my best friends. We met during my first pregnancy. I had a job, full schedule of classes and I was becoming a single mother (and I hated kids, smh)... I couldn't figure out how I...

I believe everyone who knows me knows I am absolutely into fairytales. I feel in my being that I've been Royalty many times before, which often creates friction as I've experienced something altogether different at various times in this life. I recall several times when faced with challenges, I'd say to myself, "this has got to be a parallel Universe". I just knew things were meant to be different and I had to find the path which lead to it. I love my Dragons! They're often the ones who send smoke signals if necessary to find me. They figure out a way to contact me even when it takes effort and is inconvenient. And for that I appreciate them. I acknowledge the moat which surrounds My Castle, I know I may seem distant at times, however I pray that you consider the fact that introspection is necessary; trouble comes when that shifts into isolation. Which is where My Knights in Shining Armor come in, they are supposed to be so in tuned with me that they know w...

Sometimes I laugh at myself for the amount of thoughts that seem to flood my mind at any given time.  I set a goal to write daily, however that hasn't exactly happened.  I've had a million thoughts and several drafts, however the words aren't flowing as they usually have.  I've made a point not to force my posts, mainly because the blog is basically an outlet so I am not over-analyzing my life as I have been known to do.  The process has been that I'd have a thought and begin to type and allow the thought(s) to come out however they are with very little revision.    I will admit, I've had some pretty emotional days lately and I haven't completely figured out how much I am willing/going to share publicly.  This shouldn't be a huge surprise as I've stated in various posts how some thoughts are written, yet kept in my private journal while others are saved for therapy.  I know we all have various challenges and are on our own unique journey, w...

You ever have one of those days where the tears start to fall and while exhausting every effort to make them stop, you finally submit and allow them to continue until there are no more?  Well, that was my day; actually it begun last night and continued off and on throughout the day.  I got up with the intention to go on a relaxing hike and spend the day with family, however the drive was filled with tears as well.  By the time I reached my destination I realized I hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon so I allowed the "fat girl" to make the selection.  Needless to say I didn't hike as planned. As I cried, I prayed and expressed to God my anger, resentment, frustration, heartache and disappointment.  I realized how frustrated I am with the circumstances surrounding the "Land of the Lost" ; without going into detail, I find myself angry and stressed due to the way things are being handled.  I find myself seeking guidance (continuously) and I feel stupid...

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." ~George Eliot     I often joke about how different my life would have been had I not gotten pregnant with my son. I remember at the time my cousin went off to the Air Force and as his graduation was approaching I thought about enlisting as well. The original plan was to pack up and move to New York and find a wonderful career in fashion or writing, I would've been "Carrie Bradshaw" long before the Sex & the City series. Or perhaps travel abroad and figure something out along the way. Somehow when I discussed these dreams with others it was clear to me that they were unattainable or silly . I then remember over the years as a child I'd watch "The Peanuts" , my favorite was Lucy van Pelt, she was no-nonsense, straightforward, unapologic and confident. Up until that point, I'd never identified with anyone (real life or fictional) the way I did with her and her antics. It w...

I woke up Sunday morning with a burst of energy, I allowed myself to sleep in and I actually felt rested.  Once I completed my morning prayer and meditation I got out of bed to prepare myself for my run, I'd decided I'd head to the store and pick up a few items that I needed in order to "kill two birds with one stone",  As I journey home from my adventure I start to go over the day's agenda in my head. Shower Church Riding (I'd begun Horseback Riding as one of many stress relievers) Prepare for Work As I get closer to home I notice I now have a headache, I attempt to get myself together for church and notice it's getting worse so I opt out of morning service, convince myself to take a nap and perhaps I'd feel better in time for evening service.  WRONG! Now I am stuck in bed with a pounding headache and I am out of my prescription.  I remember I placed an order for refills online and just needed to pick them up, however I am unable to d...

For some reason I rarely pay attention to it's arrival, I just know that something is "off" in my communication.  Especially with certain people, I'd realize the breakdown and once things were back to "normal" I'd excuse the miscommunication and blame it all on Mercury and it's reverse travels.  Well not this time, I realize that although the "Cosmos" weren't quite aligned the way I'd like them to be, the interaction with some people wasn't that great when Mercury was on the straight and narrow.   As the usual New Year's Resolution time is approaching, I've come to terms with the idea that some people may not make it into 2013 with me.  This time not because I've deleted them, changed my number or said anything reckless, but simply because we don't want the same things.  We aren't on the same path and our interaction leads to frustration and stress, all of which I am not in a space to accept or tolerate...

Mind Body Soul (Spirit) Often the mind tries to protect me while the body seeks comfort and pleasure; the challenge comes when my spirit doesn't agree with the mind and/or the body. I've recently made the conscious effort to find a space of harmony where all three are on "one accord". Realizing how difficult that could be within myself, I now find it amazing to obtain this space with another being. Not until recently have I allowed my imagination to dwell in the fantasy of a relationship or marriage. To be quite honest I feared that space, I never thought it would be possible for me. Although I've been asked several times and had the conversations, I knew on some level they wouldn't lead to "I do". I suppose, now that I truly realize the actual possibility of this desire, I am forced to face some ideas, patterns and beliefs which may derail my journey. The funny thing about it all is, I enjoy being single (most days). I am proud of the fact ...

Insomnia, migraine, tears and its barely 9:00 am! Days like this "the bitch" comes out and her patience is extremely low, as I attempt to be truly "a new creation" I realize I can't allow the effects of stress to take me to such a low energy. So today, I choose to remain in a space of praise and worship. I have thoughts of my Pastor as she goes through a procedure and I ask God to comfort her, guide the thoughts, hands and atmosphere of her doctors and his/her staff. I have thoughts of my friend/ walking partner who recently lost her Father, and I ask God to dwell with her family at this time, and comfort their hearts. Along with tons of other random thoughts that come and go. I realize the plots and ploys of "d'evils" and how they're trying to take me to a space of panic or to revisit the anxiety attack I experienced in September of this year. I understand that these issues aren't going anywhere however the difference then compared to ...

Three doctors and two prescriptions for a migraine headache that morphed into something I've never experienced before. I was literally in darkness with the covers pulled over my head each day, for a week. The vibration I felt in my head was beyond words. With sensitivity to light and sound, television and music were out of the question! So I slept, better yet, I dreamt; for 5 days. With the exception of outings to the doctor and for food, I don't recall many outings for food though. I typically have the most amazing dreams, I learned at a very young age how to control them. When I was young, I had "bad" dreams most nights, I don't think I'd classify them as nightmares, but they weren't pleasant. So I figured out a way to redirect them. Like, if I could tell the sequence of the current dream was heading to a dark space or someplace I didn't want it to go, I would think of something happy and my dream would change. The best part is, doing this never in...