The World Outside My Window

It seems to happen randomly; I'll have a thought and while I am still processing it, my mind is flooded with several others.  Each more challenging then the first.  This mainly happens while I am attempting to do several other things; I typically like to multi-task.  It keeps Boredom away; I can't recall the last time I felt "Bored".  I find it interesting when people say that to me, "I'm bored" or they'll seem shocked or surprised when I tell them I rarely feel that way; and the moment I do, I treat it the same as "Insomnia"; I'll ask my Self  "what do you want to learn?", this is typically followed my a few thoughts, recommendations or ideas and I "choose one".  Problem solved...   I have been wanting to write for quite some time, yet the words were so scrambled it begain aggravating my Migraine so I'd have to push it to the side.  Recently, I began to jot down the Thoughts that come or Ideas; in the past ...

JEHOVAH-JIREH - "The Lord our provider" - This is also the name Abraham gave to the place where the Lord provided a sacrifice in place of Isaac. ( Gen. 22:14 ). JEHOVAH-NISSI -"Our banner, a banner of love and protection" - Also the name Moses gave to the altar he built after defeating the Amalekites ( Ex. 17:15 ). JEHOVAH-SHALOM -"Our perfect peace" - Also the name Gideon gave to the altar he built at Ophrah ( Judges 6:24 ) JEHOVAH-TSID-KENU -"The Lord is our righteousness " - The name is applied to a future Davidic king who would lead his people to do what is right and thus bring peace ( Jeremiah 23:6 ) and to the restored city of Jerusalem ( Jeremiah 33:16 ). The name is possibly a play on the name of Zedekiah ("Righteous [is] the Lord") who reigned from 597 to 587 B.C. JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH -"The One Who is with us everywhere for He is Omnipresent" - The Jerusalem of Ezekiel's vision ( see Ezek...

"Leave My Body" Florence + the Machine Whenever I hear this song it reminds me of the scripture which speaks of how "being absent from the body is to be present with The Lord."   At times, I pray to leave my body, even if it's just for a few moments or a day or two.  I honestly believe this may have happened a time or two, for example when I had the car accident (see, Saturday, November 5, 2005 ) and was unconscious for an unknown period of time.  Like, what happens during that space in time?  Or when people are in a coma or whatever, I know what scientist say, however I believe that may be a time when you (generally speaking) may be in the presence of The Lord.  I don't know why this was on my mind this morning, well actually, let me explain . I'm up, dressed, out the door and in the car.  As I pull off I realize there's something wrong with my car and I intend to be somewhere at a certain time to assist in the preparation for a meeting.  A...

"I will whisper secrets in your ear. Just nod yes and be silent." ~Rumi

"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8a "God is Love" 1 John 4:8  "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."  1 John 4:16b     With various thoughts over the past week, I see now more than ever how "we" may pray for certain things to occur and when they actually happen "we" run away or do something/anything to sabotage the desired outcome.  I'm not quite sure how many times I've done this myself.  I guess it's the fear, but of what?  What exactly is it that holds us back?     As I headed to the gym at approximately 11 pm I felt afraid, like, something would happen.  Perhaps because I'd be there alone, but in this moment I could have chosen to turn back to the comfort of home or face the fear, the thoughts of my bikini body and the lovely clothes I plan to purchase (soon).  I chose the gym and I felt amazing afterwards!  Then I think back on how unhappy I was and the fact...

There's a certain time of the day where the sky is pink , if I'm not mistaken this actually happens a few times during the day (in the morning as well as in the evening, around Sunset).  At times when I feel overwhelmed I look at the pink sky and know that everything is working out with my best interest in mind.  Yesterday, after a friend   and I were headed to the airport, I looked at the road ahead and shared my thought, "I love when the sky is pink", without hesitation he said "it's the golden time of the day" and my heart melted.  I realized, for the millionth time since Christmas, that I need him, I love him, I've chosen him and I felt as if the sky, being the color of "pure love" was a confirmation of the feelings in my heart, head & soul. I pray that I am not sharing these thoughts prematurely, however I understand that this is all apart of a journey and everyone has choices (damn free will) yet, I also believe that ju...

Yesterday as I prepared for him to return home, my anxiety was at an all-time high.  I used all of my "de-stress" techniques in order to hold back the tears, yet somehow I almost didn't make it.  The fact that he knows me like no one else amazes me, I guess that's what happens after 10+ years of friendship.  Not just knowing someone for a long time, but REALLY listening and learning who that person is.  Over the course of the time spent together I'd been reminded of how much I let him into my heart.  Like, he knows my secrets, my flaws, my dreams, my silliness... he knows ME   As he gathered his belongings and we set out to take care of the few things left on his "to-do" list, I became distant.  He asked several times "what's on your mind?" my reply "nothing" yet we both knew there was a lot I wasn't saying, he just didn't know what it was exactly.  He accepted the fact that I chose not to share my thoughts and we tri...

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.             borrowed from http://www.facebook.com/#!/mevlana

I recall a year or two ago, my boo mentioned that he wants a motorcycle, he even asked me if he could get one.  I thought it was the cutest thing that he'd actually asked my "permission" because he knows how I worry about him.  I always have, I've had this tender spot in my heart for him since the time we met.  However, somehow with him I can never say "no", especially to something he wants, because he deserves the world!   He's such a humble, giving, caring, loving, thoughtful person.  I mentioned to him in conversation not too long ago that he was "my favorite" guy and he absolutely is.  He's in a category all his own, and he always has been.   Through all of my dating life he is the only person who never said that I was "weird", he understands me on a level that I've never experienced before. As I sit here with my fingers on the keyboard I realize how important that is.  For someone to understand your strengths as well...

It has become apparent that I desire to be in a committed, fulfilling, loving, monogamous relationship. The more I am faced with the reality of this fact, I must also admit that I am scared.  I cant truly put my finger on what is actually causing the fear, which leaves me in a space of stillness.  I've learned over the past few months, if something isn't clear in my mind and/or my heart, it's because it may not be time to take action.  Which is perfectly fine with me after all, whats the rush?   I know according to the "American Dream", I am far off course.  I am a  32 year old woman , no house with the white picket fence, successful husband, 2.5 kids or a dog.  What have I done with my life?!?! LOL or so they've programmed us to think.  I learned a long time ago, the cookie cutter/ one size fits all lifestyle is not for me.  I am a dreamer, I am romantic, I am particular (some would say controlling lol) not to mentioned flawed, b...

Last night I had an issue with insomnia, I used to hate the fact that I couldn’t sleep; I felt like something was wrong with me and I needed to "fix" it. Trouble is, this body is extremely sensitive to OTC "drugs", you name it and it knocks me OUT. Over the years I’ve learned it’s easier to embrace my "condition" rather than try to fight or fix it; that had to be one of the smartest things I’ve ever done in my life. Now, it’s just a part of who I am, when I can’t sleep I’ll ask myself (the Universe), "what am I going to learn?" or "what am I supposed to be doing". Once that’s completed I can drift off to sleep and even if it’s merely an hour or two I feel rested. But, I digress. So I’ll start with yesterday, for some reason Terrance was on my mind heavy. I know he’s been mentioned, but I never go into detail about him or his place in my heart. I’ve buried that so deep within that I often forget the entire experience. Anyway, while ha...

About a week ago I had a dream, it was all too familiar yet completely different.  I dreamt that I was telling that same guy who occuplied so much of my heart for so many years that I was getting married. When I woke up, the feeling of truth overwhelmed me.  As if this dream was filled with so much possibility.  I quickly emailed him and formed my words from a space of love and to be informative.  I recalled having this feeling once before, which is why I knew I could not keep these thoughts to myself.  The last time I had this feeling was about 4 years ago after he expressed to me that he was getting married to a woman he'd barely known for a few months.  I asked if she were pregnant and he assured me that she wasn't, but I knew better.  To avoid an argument I "accepted" this lie and continued with my life.  I began to have dreams of his unhappiness and how he was making a huge mistake however I refused to be the one to say this to him....

"In every moment you have a choice to express your Heart or your Ego. Let your heart win." The ever present debate between my heart and my ego joins us in 2011. As much as I would have liked to be over this issue and "on to the next one" there's something thats holding me right where I am. I do not understand the purpose, mainly because it doesnt seem to serve me in ANY way. I try to make sense of it all by saying that I just dont know the bigger picture, but often times I am not so sure there is a bigger picture with "us". I wont deny the fact that I love him, I admit that. I dont know how deep this love goes because I've never experienced anything like this. Is it the challenge of him not wanting me? Is it the guilt of the many times I've hurt him? Is it the timing of losing my best friend and meeting him? Is this fate? Is he my soulmate? I have none of those answers, as much as I wish I did. I wished that I could be more social, outgoing...

"no girl should ever forget: that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her back". -Marilyn Monroe There's a space in my heart that I have yet to fill, funny thing is I am positive that I've typed this before.  I understand, you cant control who you love; so of course you cant control when to stop loving someone.  Problem is: how do you continue to love someone who doesnt love you?  Better yet, when do you stop loving someone when you've had enough?  I guess if you've actually had enough the feelings or love would stop on its on.......  I have no clue, obviously.  I just want to stop *wipes away the tears*

"had an epiphany! the love we share is so real, if only I met a man who I could love as much as my blackberry *sigh* it 'completes me' " Okay it started as a joke in my facebook status but as the responses came in about how crazy (I assume in the funny as well as mentally unstable use of the word) I am I began to actually give my statement some thought. For starters Blackberry and I have been together since around 2004 (give or take) that's 6 years which is light-years longer than any of my recent relationships; which usually tap out around the 1 year mark however due to laziness, comfort, routine, etc I'll continue to entertain an 'ole faithful' so I won't be forced to actually date or meet new people. Both of which are my least favorite things to do mainly because dating and meeting new people reminds me of how 'different' I really am: humor, logic, emotions, etc are very much unlike 99.9% of others especially those in my age bracket and...