The World Outside My Window

"Even if you have nothing to write, write and say so." Marcus Tullius Cicero Each Night I stare at my laptop with the desire to write something worth sharing.  I have 7 drafts, however each time I read them I feel as if they are too personal to share; so I debate deleting.  I've even considered deleting the Blog and starting one I've had in mind for some time now.  Then I reconsidered, the concept is much more personal than the current one. The thing is, I finally realized what's been holding me back. I don't know how to describe it completely,  I recall a time when I'd sit at the computer or my laptop and the words would overflow.  That was prior to the diagnosis as well as in the beginning stages of the disorder(s). Knowing that I've chosen to publicize my Blog suddenly brings about a certain type of Anxiety I am not quite familiar with.     I don't know how much I can discuss, but I recall when I first spoke out about what I felt was hap...

At times I feel as if I wear my Heart on my sleeve; I make an attempt to conceal it, but I feel as if it shows regardless.  Some times I wish I was more nonchalant about things.  Not allowing them to get under my skin, although I already know that's an impossibility for me.  Funny because it was difficult prior to the Anxiety Disorder,  so now it's mind blowing how sensitive I can become.  I dislike feeling as if I am "using" the disorder as a crutch or a scapegoat, but in reality I am aware that I am not how I once was; nor will I ever be again. That's the part that gets to me the most, to understand that I have changed on many levels; one of which I am not in alignment with.  As a Capricorn I can be quite moody by nature, but adding to that the disorders, conditions, phobias, etc. all of which are out of my control and based upon an element of my self that I am still discovering, is quite overwhelming.  I struggle daily to keep the feelings "in ...

I've decided not too long ago that I would take an introspective look concerning my issues with vulnerability. It seems I feel as if it is a weakness that many choose to prey upon; as opposed to a strength that only the brave and courageous are willing to explore.  With each post I am confronted by my comfort zone which often leads to a slight debate regarding which parts to edit away and which should stay.  Or which should remain in a private journal rather than being posted on the Blog; not to mention the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I must hold onto until a therapist is secured and I can share my Self completely without judgement or criticism.   I believe needs come in all shapes, sizes and forms; they can also be specific to sentimental times in a person's life.  For me, a few months of the year brings about "Anniversaries" and "Awareness" or "Observation" on special dates that have either changed my life or are now a part of the j...

I am currently sorting through various feelings concerning my health and over all well-being.  This time away has really allowed me to take an introspective look at my self as well as my goals, hopes and dreams.  I feel an intense desire to work hard as well as smart to ensure my life is designed exactly as my God and I are creating.   The other day I decided to watch "The Secret" again, to my surprise I truly understood why I'd incorporated many of the practices taught in that documentary; and to say the ones I've consistently made my best effort to observe have been successful.  In more than a few areas of my life; helping me to see clearly the areas which still need a bit of care and improvement.  I begun an expression to share with the Blog a few days ago as a follow-up to " Venus on Display " and " Venus on Display: "Trust Issues, Thirst Traps and Guilt Tripping" , yet each time I dive a bit deeper into my Self, I tend to pause and ne...

Happy Sabbath, Everyone! I hope you are enjoying this Beautiful, Sunday Morning!  I've been basking in an impromptu "Staycation" (lol) allowing me to discover a love for the City; like never before.  I intend to work on a few posts (hopefully I'll be able to publish them Today :) Also, "Hello" & "Welcome" to all of my Supporters, Well-Wishers and Friends.  I would like to say "Thank you!" for all of the kind words, care and concern.  It is truly a Blessing to know and feel that you are Loved and Appreciated.  My Heart is bursting with Gratitude. Namaste Lastly, for those interested in contacting me, you can do so as follows: KingKamille3@gmail.com

It's approaching two years since I was first diagnosed with "Anxiety Disorder", prior to that time I had no care or concern for mental health, mental illness or anything associated with it. Not from a standpoint of not having empathy or compassion for those who suffer from it or have loved ones battling various conditions; it was more like "out of sight, out of mind" as I've never really had anyone close to me battle such "d'evils". I won't go into detail regarding how it became a part of my life, however in previous posts I have shared somewhat how it effects me.  I recall last year being the worst with it (to date), that was when I truly learned by experience how much different my life had become.  The Anxiety attacks had become more frequent as well as migraine headaches, insomnia, eczema and other symptoms associated with the disorder. I know of a time or a few where I'd gone into an anxiety attack and completely blacked out, ...