The World Outside My Window

“Be the light. Touch the world. Give people your power to see. Show them your soul.” Expherience It’s interesting to see the growth in the girl who began this blog, realizing some beliefs that no longer serve me and how I have learned to recognize their origin. Becoming a woman is not an easy task; I think the most appreciated change has been maturity in various aspects of the word. I am learning to “be the light” and the more challenging, “give people your power to see”; I tend to like to stay low-key. People are often surprised (irl) when they discover a talent or gift that I possess, although it may be something I’m extremely familiar with I may shy away from the exposure or attention. I’m working on that, even in my sharing on this blog as well as the other . Oftentimes I have thoughts of writing or words to share and I’ll talk myself out of it, for fear of the unknown… One of my goals for the new year is to be more expressive in my writing, sharing and in my daily lif...

"Don’t leave my Ocean for shallow Waters then ask me about the Moon." ~ Dream Hampton I can feel you attempting to summons me; like you've always done. If you can't tell, I'm ignoring you!   I've written about it before, however I find myself in a completely different level of bullshit that I refuse to entertain. I've decided to address it/ them so it's known that "I'm Real".  Feathers: Angry Birds, Pigeons & Chickenheads Some of your last words to me were "this isn't friendship; this is business." you made no effort to help in my time of need after all the advice, interventions and loyalty shown to you. You betrayed me on a level I've never known; getting over that was to me what I imagine it would be like to end an abusive marriage. Then to put the nails in the coffin, you said as a final remark, "go to your family and get a husband because I've already found mine".... Let's not forget, you got ri...

"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams. "  - Oprah Winfrey

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." ~George Eliot     I often joke about how different my life would have been had I not gotten pregnant with my son. I remember at the time my cousin went off to the Air Force and as his graduation was approaching I thought about enlisting as well. The original plan was to pack up and move to New York and find a wonderful career in fashion or writing, I would've been "Carrie Bradshaw" long before the Sex & the City series. Or perhaps travel abroad and figure something out along the way. Somehow when I discussed these dreams with others it was clear to me that they were unattainable or silly . I then remember over the years as a child I'd watch "The Peanuts" , my favorite was Lucy van Pelt, she was no-nonsense, straightforward, unapologic and confident. Up until that point, I'd never identified with anyone (real life or fictional) the way I did with her and her antics. It w...

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.             borrowed from http://www.facebook.com/#!/mevlana

"In every moment you have a choice to express your Heart or your Ego. Let your heart win." The ever present debate between my heart and my ego joins us in 2011. As much as I would have liked to be over this issue and "on to the next one" there's something thats holding me right where I am. I do not understand the purpose, mainly because it doesnt seem to serve me in ANY way. I try to make sense of it all by saying that I just dont know the bigger picture, but often times I am not so sure there is a bigger picture with "us". I wont deny the fact that I love him, I admit that. I dont know how deep this love goes because I've never experienced anything like this. Is it the challenge of him not wanting me? Is it the guilt of the many times I've hurt him? Is it the timing of losing my best friend and meeting him? Is this fate? Is he my soulmate? I have none of those answers, as much as I wish I did. I wished that I could be more social, outgoing...

"no girl should ever forget: that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her back". -Marilyn Monroe There's a space in my heart that I have yet to fill, funny thing is I am positive that I've typed this before.  I understand, you cant control who you love; so of course you cant control when to stop loving someone.  Problem is: how do you continue to love someone who doesnt love you?  Better yet, when do you stop loving someone when you've had enough?  I guess if you've actually had enough the feelings or love would stop on its on.......  I have no clue, obviously.  I just want to stop *wipes away the tears*

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control" So I noticed that I posted the above quote twice lol back to back. Crazy thing is: minus the 'title' and 'label' the posts were identical. Both times a certain someone came to mind and I wanted to record the thought that captured my feelings toward *him. I recall him saying that he'd sent a message to me prior to our initial meeting and I didn't remember, according to him I didn't respond then coincidentally we become friends through a chat room of mutual friend only to build an extraordinary bond that has seen its ups and downs for the past 8 years. That to me sounds a bit like fate which is why this quote hit so close to home. Out of the number of internet friends that particular chat room created I don't speak to any of them. However with him through our periods of not speaking no matter how hard I try to fight it, it doesn't...