The World Outside My Window

I didn't realize I've been grieving; well, suppressing grief.  I thought I said my "good bye"; without going into details, I figured I was "okay".  It seems I've been grieving particular things for a little while now; the dead spaces in my life/ relationships.  I don't care to share the most recent however I believe that is possibly what sent me to the edge.  While dealing with my issues as well as the random "meet and greet" with my "demons" I feel as if I am losing my mind.   The worst part is, for the majority of my life, when I felt this way I could crawl in my Grandmother's bed and cry or be silent and she'd just know.  She knew what to say or what to do to make me better.  I couldn't go to the funeral and I have yet to visit the site; however I have a special place where I feel I can commune with her.  So far that's comforting, but it's not the same.  Almost 9 months later and this is (I believe) the...

You ever have one of those days where the tears start to fall and while exhausting every effort to make them stop, you finally submit and allow them to continue until there are no more?  Well, that was my day; actually it begun last night and continued off and on throughout the day.  I got up with the intention to go on a relaxing hike and spend the day with family, however the drive was filled with tears as well.  By the time I reached my destination I realized I hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon so I allowed the "fat girl" to make the selection.  Needless to say I didn't hike as planned. As I cried, I prayed and expressed to God my anger, resentment, frustration, heartache and disappointment.  I realized how frustrated I am with the circumstances surrounding the "Land of the Lost" ; without going into detail, I find myself angry and stressed due to the way things are being handled.  I find myself seeking guidance (continuously) and I feel stupid...

"no girl should ever forget: that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her back". -Marilyn Monroe There's a space in my heart that I have yet to fill, funny thing is I am positive that I've typed this before.  I understand, you cant control who you love; so of course you cant control when to stop loving someone.  Problem is: how do you continue to love someone who doesnt love you?  Better yet, when do you stop loving someone when you've had enough?  I guess if you've actually had enough the feelings or love would stop on its on.......  I have no clue, obviously.  I just want to stop *wipes away the tears*

Now, now, now, honey You better sit down and look around Cause you must've bumped yo' head And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby I'd hate to see you come home, me the kids And the dog is gone Check my credentials... I give you everything you want everything you need Even your friends say I'm a good woman All I need to know is why? Why don't you love me? Tell me, baby, why don't you love me When I make me so damn easy to love? And why don't you need me? Tell me, baby, why don't you need me When I make me so damn easy to need? I got beauty, I got class I got style, and I got @ss And you don't even care to care Looka here I even put money in the bank account Don't have to ask no one to help me out You don't even notice that Why don't you love me? Tell me, baby, why don't you love me When I make me so damn easy to love? Why don't you need me? Tell me, baby, why don't you need m...

I think some people are truly scared of being loved FOR REAL so they tend to go back to the person that really make them comfortable. The person who makes it easy for them; that way they aren't required to take the next step are grow with the other person. They can remain dumb and stagnant or content with mediocrity. sometimes they honestly don't know how OR don't believe they deserve to be loved in return sometimes you just have to take the good times & remind yourself that its over for a reason because you'll never figure out the mind of a man who goes back rather than grow forward. yet that's the path he chose so I gotta know I'm better off without him. my ♥ aches but I rather deal with it now & heal (eventually) than to have an aching ♥ WITH the man who claims to love me ... Clearly he's just not the one FOR me and one day he will no longer be a thought or memory. One day I won't see his face when I close my eyes or hear is voice as I r...

I was the one I who could Pull in all the stars above Lay them on your feet And I gave you my love You are the one that got me started You could have let me Love anyone but I only wanted you So why did you make me cry Why didn't you come get me one last time You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll always know the reason why this love Reason why this love Aint gonna let you go You lay me down and left me for the lions A long, long time ago You left me there dying But you'll never let me go You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll always know the reason why this love Reason why this love Aint gonna let you go You'll always know the reason why The song you heard Will stay on your mind It aint gonna let you go, no Cos you were the moon And I the endless sky You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll alwa...