The World Outside My Window

  In a perfect world we'd have no sad days or whatever the feeling was that managed to creep in Thursday evening. Throughout the day I attempted to make progress regarding a particular situation.  Over the past year I've made so many changes within myself, at times it's hard to believe my thoughts, feelings and desires are vastly different from what they've been the majority of my life.  So, on days like  the one  I experienced I don't quite know what I am supposed to feel.  Better yet, how I am supposed to express those feelings.    I was annoyed, frustrated, angry at times and battling depression as it seemed things were highly unlikely to change any time soon. Since the initial issue with "The Angry Birds" , the onset of anxiety disorder  followed by a required leave of absence from "The Land of the Lost", I have made every effort to refocus my thoughts to a bigger, brighter future. ...

I've been trying to re-establish a relationship friendship for the past 6+ months to no avail.  In the past when dealing with this person, I wasn't completely myself.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I was myself,  just a very narrow view of me, the part that didn't have to express much or put myself "out there".  We continued to have the same arguments with the same agreement, yet nothing ever REALLY improved.  I then began to be myself, completely, unapologetically and still, no improvement.  So as the new year arrived and my birthday approached I realized that although we agreed to remain friends, that person has not been a friend to me however I've remained a friend to them (or at least put forth  a huge effort to do so).    I then decided that it was officially time to move forward, no announcements necessary, just do it .  I realized the decision stirred up some type of emotion and I can't quite put my finger on what it...

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." ~George Eliot     I often joke about how different my life would have been had I not gotten pregnant with my son. I remember at the time my cousin went off to the Air Force and as his graduation was approaching I thought about enlisting as well. The original plan was to pack up and move to New York and find a wonderful career in fashion or writing, I would've been "Carrie Bradshaw" long before the Sex & the City series. Or perhaps travel abroad and figure something out along the way. Somehow when I discussed these dreams with others it was clear to me that they were unattainable or silly . I then remember over the years as a child I'd watch "The Peanuts" , my favorite was Lucy van Pelt, she was no-nonsense, straightforward, unapologic and confident. Up until that point, I'd never identified with anyone (real life or fictional) the way I did with her and her antics. It w...

I find it amazing how often I made a comment, statement or rant regarding how so many people will rather see the kind hearted things/words expressed to them as a form of weakness on the givers part. So they'll underestimate or just get completely out of pocket then get "big eyed" when that person FINALLY snaps or shows the "other" side that they may have wanted you to have the pleasure in saying it was never unleashed on you. I like to refer to this interaction as "poking the bear", I'm not sure if I heard/read it somewhere and adapted into my vocabulary or if I made it up on my own lol nevertheless "poking the bear" is usually when the bear is hibernating or simply sleeping, all is well until someone decides to disrupt the peace and provoke the bear into a reaction of some sort. Before I continue, this situation always ends in the bear attacking and the other is either severely injured or there's "slow singing and flower br...

The past few days I've been having issue with a certain path, as I've expressed in "I'm on His Side" I feel as if part of me should take some time and invest the "necessary" effort into this person and see what happens.  However on the other hand, words of @ihustlenation come to mind stating, "If you're not married, you're single".   Simple enough, right? Well here's the thing, "My Favorite" failed to secure an exclusive understanding with me prior to him leaving.  I feel as if this thought concerning him has come up one time too many, I mean, if a person is scared, not ready, or whatever hang-up they decide to allow to stand in the way; how much time is reasonable to move on?   It's funny, I basically talk about the same 4 people throughout the years, but since their names aren't attached it may appear as if each story is about a new person.  That used to drive my ex crazy, nonetheless, I've known the ma...