Teenage Dreams

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."

~George Eliot 

 

I often joke about how different my life would have been had I not gotten pregnant with my son. I remember at the time my cousin went off to the Air Force and as his graduation was approaching I thought about enlisting as well. The original plan was to pack up and move to New York and find a wonderful career in fashion or writing, I would've been "Carrie Bradshaw" long before the Sex & the City series. Or perhaps travel abroad and figure something out along the way. Somehow when I discussed these dreams with others it was clear to me that they were unattainable or silly. I then remember over the years as a child I'd watch "The Peanuts", my favorite was Lucy van Pelt, she was no-nonsense, straightforward, unapologic and confident. Up until that point, I'd never identified with anyone (real life or fictional) the way I did with her and her antics. It was then that I'd made up my mind, I'd be a Psychiatrist!

 

As life happens and plans change, my path has taken quite a few detours. I found myself in a stressful, anxiety filled space which at some point began to overpower my efforts of happiness and health. As I took a step back from the environment creating that reaction and continue to deal with the aftermath of it all, I find myself dreaming again. I can visualize a lifestyle filled with love, happiness, health, volunteer efforts, prosperity, etc. the best part is, and I am around people who have the same dreams and positive disposition to attain them.

 

I realize, may people either don’t have those dreams or they may not believe they will ever achieve them so they push them aside and focus on "work" or perhaps they've given up on them long ago. I guess it took me going to the edge of sanity to understand that what I desired as a kid/teenager is exactly what I want my life to focus on. As a therapist I figured I'd help people, I'm already a good listener and I've been told I give "good advice" so why not make a living at it? At some point I wanted to be an attorney, then a doctor yet it always went back to therapy. As I witness my life unfold with each decision I am excited for the path I have chosen. Is everything great? Absolutely not! However, I am learning how not to worry or stress; which is not always easy for "Type A" personalities like me. Each day, I learn to trust more which gets easier, it’s the annoyed and/or frustration part that takes a lot of effort.
 

Funny thing, I had a thought a few weeks ago which kind of lingered in my mind and pops up from time to time. The thought was "I feel like a teenager again", I guess it all lines up perfectly as I begin a journey to the life I always knew I wanted, but was afraid to go after.
 

Inspired by @PsychicsUnivers

and the events of this lovely evening