The World Outside My Window

  "to whom do I owe the symbols of my survival? to whom do I owe the woman I have become? Audre Lorde It took me a moment to realize if I wanted to share on here or the other blog   and I thought it would be more appropriate here since this one is surrounded around me becoming the woman I envision myself as. I feel as if I've spent plenty of time in my thoughts about my feelings rather than my feelings about my emotions; as a Capricorn (Sun sign) I am unsure what to do with that. I feel as if it was time to refocus on what that means and why I began writing to begin with. It's been so long I don't know where to start, but I do know why I begun sharing my thoughts, feelings and emotions on the blogs. I suppose as the quote suggests a feeling of " owing" the symbols of my survival for those of us who are still becoming. By sharing my experiences some will know that they are not alone in what they may be going though while others, may gain some insight or clar...

“Be the light. Touch the world. Give people your power to see. Show them your soul.” Expherience It’s interesting to see the growth in the girl who began this blog, realizing some beliefs that no longer serve me and how I have learned to recognize their origin. Becoming a woman is not an easy task; I think the most appreciated change has been maturity in various aspects of the word. I am learning to “be the light” and the more challenging, “give people your power to see”; I tend to like to stay low-key. People are often surprised (irl) when they discover a talent or gift that I possess, although it may be something I’m extremely familiar with I may shy away from the exposure or attention. I’m working on that, even in my sharing on this blog as well as the other . Oftentimes I have thoughts of writing or words to share and I’ll talk myself out of it, for fear of the unknown… One of my goals for the new year is to be more expressive in my writing, sharing and in my daily lif...

is it True? is it Helpful? is it Inspiring? is it Necessary? is it Kind? Do you truly "T.H.I.N.K" before you speak? Typically I do, however the way I think has changed over time. Before my only care was if I found it "true" and "necessary", you know the "let me tell you about yourself" approach, funny thing about that is: not everyone cares if its actually true, as in "a fact". Most seem to simply operate out of their truth, which is subjective based on the number of facts they believe they have. Not researching further into a situation prior to speaking what they may know nothing or very little about. I was such a bitch, however it was because I said the things to someone's face that others gossip about behind their backs. I didn't care about friends, being liked or anyone's feelings, I figured "someone had to tell'em". Then I asked myself, "why do you HAVE to be that someone"? So I stopped. ...

I recall posting throughout the years about seeking to be more responsible; thinking things would magically come together and I could tackle each area of my life one by one; boy, was I wrong.  Shortly after I discovered an avalanche of "trouble" and overwhelming feelings ranging from disbelief to confusion; eventually got things on track for the better.  That's usually when we take a sigh of relief and "Thank GOD, that's over".  The past few days I've had thoughts about "Getting Over" something, which to me is the lighter or "easier" way around various challenges life may bring.  I find this process takes much longer because of the amount of time denying there's anything to get over in the first place.  Then once we come to terms with the reality of the matter some may sweep it under the rug only to trip over it somewhere down the line.  This year has shown many ups and downs for me, however this time I am seeking a deeper unde...

I've never been the type to believe that I had the ability to "change" anyone; nor do I attempt to.  I realized very early in life that my only obligation was to change, rather improve my Self.  As a perfectionist with a sheltered upbringing, I found myself quite judgmental, however I kept my judgments to my Self.  I was super critical of my thoughts, actions as well as my words.  The good thing for Others, was that I am a true introvert.  I absolutely adore the time spent with myself, just as much (if not more) than being in the company of a group.   I don't recall what sparked in me.  Honestly, until this moment, I never questioned or examined it. As I've shared in previous expressions, 2009 was the year I moved from my family with the desire to truly grow into the Woman I desire to be.  The Woman I knew was buried inside, dying to show herself to "the world".  It was my Soul yearning for something more amazing; something I'd never ...

I don't cry (often); I've mentioned that before in previous posts, however for the past week I've been trying to cry.  My eyes are watery and a tear or two has escaped, but not the out pour that I need to occur.  After more research or should I say, investigation, I can now prove that this unwanted weight is a direct side effect from the medication I was prescribed.  Of course there will be no apology, and to be honest what good would it do anyway.  I spent the beginning months of this year ruling out pregnancy which of course triggered emotions I wasn't expecting, but once that was finally ruled out I attempted to change eating habits as well as fitness routines all to no avail.  Now here we are half way through the year and the truth is discovered.  I was right, so why do I feel so hopeless and depressed? I've had several "lectures" ranging from someone really close to me to people overstepping their boundaries to tell me to "push back from the...

“ We all have one foot in a fairytale, and the other in the abyss." ~ Paulo Coelho Normally when I feel this way I do my best to  "fall off the face of the Earth" ;  I often refer to it as "hibernating".  I rarely speak to anyone aside from important matters with the exception of a select few and I focus mainly on my Spirituality.  I find helpful articles or  youtube  videos which I believe enhance the journey I find myself on.   Providing insight or awareness to something I've thought or meditated about.  As I find myself in a space of uncertainty and unhappiness, I am unsure what to do to pull myself out of this rut (for lack of a better word).  Although I've always been an introvert and found that focusing on myself (mind, body and spirit) is the only way for growth, I am having a difficult time these days.  I joked recently on my twitter regarding the torment of a writer and how the mind of a non-fiction writer must be pure he...

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately, so I began with my journals.  I've been trying to figure out my current state of mind; along with organizing my feelings and emotions.  To put it simply, I have been broken; and I don't quite know how to put myself back together.  I am so far from the girl I was when I began this Blog, so many things have changed over time as well as in recent years.  At times I wish I wouldn't over-think so much and allow the words to flow from my fingertips without worrying about how they are understood.  Seeing how I have several drafts awaiting completion, I didn't want to start another entry I would not finish.  Once again I feel as if I am rambling, typically when this occurs I start to let my mind wander which usually takes me to a space of fantasy and enlightenment.  Two of my favorite atmospheres in which to write.  I've been avoiding this place to be honest,  since the beginning of this year, hmm perha...

Due to various (personal) health issues I've decided to keep matters private; although I drafted the thoughts I thought it would be best to keep them to myself.  At times that's where the challenge lies,  seeing how the Blog is personal in nature and "detailing" my "growth";  I often times struggle with the amount of information about myself I'd like to share.  I also deal with the issue of the narrative; making sure I'm not solely venting or over-sharing (you know how much I hate that).  Not to mention various topics I've refused to discuss online. This past few months have been strange.  I don't know how much detail I'd like to go into, nevertheless, I find peace, happiness and at times bliss in the midst of the disorders, disappointments, conditions, issues and the like.  That's the struggle; imagine being happy yet sad or overwhelmed yet bored.  It's quite complex and confusing, especially as I attempt to navigate throug...