“We all have one foot in a fairytale, and the other in the abyss."
~ Paulo Coelho
Normally when I feel this way I do my best to "fall off the face of the Earth"; I often refer to it as "hibernating". I rarely speak to anyone aside from important matters with the exception of a select few and I focus mainly on my Spirituality. I find helpful articles or youtube videos which I believe enhance the journey I find myself on. Providing insight or awareness to something I've thought or meditated about. As I find myself in a space of uncertainty and unhappiness, I am unsure what to do to pull myself out of this rut (for lack of a better word). Although I've always been an introvert and found that focusing on myself (mind, body and spirit) is the only way for growth, I am having a difficult time these days. I joked recently on my twitter regarding the torment of a writer and how the mind of a non-fiction writer must be pure hell. I am finding myself in that space; although I have committed to my writing, I am having a difficult time with my thoughts. In the past I'd allow them to flow freely and they usually land in an euphoric space of desire and wonderment. However, as of late I find myself filled with stress and uncertainty, to the point where eczema has taken ahold of my left arm from my elbow to my fingertips. I try not to dwell on the conditions I find as a result of the Anxiety Disorder and Severe Depression, but on some days it's a bit tougher than others. Especially when I find myself being pressured into things I know in my heart I am not ready for.
Recently in several conversations I was advised that the only way to overcome is to actually go through the challenge, face the fears and embrace the Light in times of Darkness. As I find myself in that exact space between fear and trusting GOD and the Universe to make a way for me; I often wonder how I will come out on the other side of these struggles. I am confident that I will obtain my weight loss goals as I embrace the issues of body image, genetics and eating habits, I can imagine myself being the "size" and shape that I desire. I believe the changes I am making (especially as we begin a new Month at the height of a Full Moon) will catapult my efforts, making way for results and progress to show. I am looking forward to "the glow" of cleansing/ detoxing, I know it's coming, however I know I must also be patient; as I did not find myself in this state overnight, it is beyond unrealistic to expect to see results overnight. I've taken photograph's of myself and I look forward to documenting my journey, although I have chosen to keep that aspect private. One thing I am truly looking forward to is beginning College (again). I feel as if the growth and development I've undergone during my hiatus will be in my best interest, seeing how I am much more focused as well as determined to complete the goals I've set for myself. Along with sense of accomplishment and pride; knowing that it is another step towards future goals as well as a vision manifesting. I intend to disclose more about it when I feel the time is right, but for now I am excited.
I've decided to take a slight intermission from the World as I am getting my shit together and spending most of my energy focusing on my needs. Along this journey of healing I find that self-care and self-love are essential to maintaining a clear understanding of where the disorders begin and end. I'm learning which thoughts and feelings are induced by medication and which are my own. There's a specific type of clarity that comes with detaching from the meds and actually spending the time and energy to cope naturally; at least from my experience. Then the thought of "coping" through life begins to sink in and send me to a space of depression. I won't go into that right now, maybe in another post, for now the concept is too large for me to fully comprehend. Days like today I'd wish things were as they used to be, I find myself longing for a "home" that no longer exists as well as a life and social engagements that will never be the same (for me); especially as the "holiday" approaches. Since I have plans, I've decided to spend the day getting myself together (emotionally, mentally as well as physically) and leave these thoughts on the page and let them go.
Wishing you all a Happy & Safe Independence Day!
Recently in several conversations I was advised that the only way to overcome is to actually go through the challenge, face the fears and embrace the Light in times of Darkness. As I find myself in that exact space between fear and trusting GOD and the Universe to make a way for me; I often wonder how I will come out on the other side of these struggles. I am confident that I will obtain my weight loss goals as I embrace the issues of body image, genetics and eating habits, I can imagine myself being the "size" and shape that I desire. I believe the changes I am making (especially as we begin a new Month at the height of a Full Moon) will catapult my efforts, making way for results and progress to show. I am looking forward to "the glow" of cleansing/ detoxing, I know it's coming, however I know I must also be patient; as I did not find myself in this state overnight, it is beyond unrealistic to expect to see results overnight. I've taken photograph's of myself and I look forward to documenting my journey, although I have chosen to keep that aspect private. One thing I am truly looking forward to is beginning College (again). I feel as if the growth and development I've undergone during my hiatus will be in my best interest, seeing how I am much more focused as well as determined to complete the goals I've set for myself. Along with sense of accomplishment and pride; knowing that it is another step towards future goals as well as a vision manifesting. I intend to disclose more about it when I feel the time is right, but for now I am excited.
I've decided to take a slight intermission from the World as I am getting my shit together and spending most of my energy focusing on my needs. Along this journey of healing I find that self-care and self-love are essential to maintaining a clear understanding of where the disorders begin and end. I'm learning which thoughts and feelings are induced by medication and which are my own. There's a specific type of clarity that comes with detaching from the meds and actually spending the time and energy to cope naturally; at least from my experience. Then the thought of "coping" through life begins to sink in and send me to a space of depression. I won't go into that right now, maybe in another post, for now the concept is too large for me to fully comprehend. Days like today I'd wish things were as they used to be, I find myself longing for a "home" that no longer exists as well as a life and social engagements that will never be the same (for me); especially as the "holiday" approaches. Since I have plans, I've decided to spend the day getting myself together (emotionally, mentally as well as physically) and leave these thoughts on the page and let them go.
Wishing you all a Happy & Safe Independence Day!
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