The World Outside My Window

“Be the light. Touch the world. Give people your power to see. Show them your soul.” Expherience It’s interesting to see the growth in the girl who began this blog, realizing some beliefs that no longer serve me and how I have learned to recognize their origin. Becoming a woman is not an easy task; I think the most appreciated change has been maturity in various aspects of the word. I am learning to “be the light” and the more challenging, “give people your power to see”; I tend to like to stay low-key. People are often surprised (irl) when they discover a talent or gift that I possess, although it may be something I’m extremely familiar with I may shy away from the exposure or attention. I’m working on that, even in my sharing on this blog as well as the other . Oftentimes I have thoughts of writing or words to share and I’ll talk myself out of it, for fear of the unknown… One of my goals for the new year is to be more expressive in my writing, sharing and in my daily lif...

The quote "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" popped in my head several times yesterday.  So when it came to mind today, it was followed by a thought of my own:  the teacher was there all along, the student was just unwilling or unprepared to see.   I remember a particular area in my life, I've mentioned various degrees in several posts about how I refused to take the relationship advise of a friend when it came to a certain person.  My friend would tell me to say or do things and I'd respond "I'm not doing that!" or "I'm not saying that!" ; not because I disagreed with her instruction, but because I was unwilling to be vulnerable along with the fear of rejection.  Finally, I don't recall what triggered the switch, but I realized how much time I'd lost and how my interaction with this person had grown worse over time.  I was able to admit the percentage contributed by me so I can't just chalk it up to ...

Sometimes I'm puzzled by the way my mind works, I remember being bored in school once I no longer felt challenged. I tried it their way and nothing seemed to work. So I spent my time at the beach or on some type of adventure exploring the city. I recall as I got older I no longer dreamt of an occupation, I was just getting by from one day to the next without a care or thought of the details which would make up my future. I'd eventually stop going to all my classes once it was apparent my guidance counselor was never available when I requested appointments. I tried going to Saturday school to get the necessary credits and that didn't last long, I then transferred schools and made an effort to do better. Well that didn't work either, as a last resort I decided to skip the day shift and enroll in Adult School. Eventually one of the teachers pulled me aside and asked what I was doing there, I made the long story short without a thought of what his response would be. Afte...

I used to wish I had a sister, the catch was: only if we were twins , so she'd understand me.  Clearly that isn't the case since I identify myself as an only child.  Funny, since that's not completely the case either, but I won't even bother going into that.  Anywho... Over time I've established various relationships with women of all ages and nationalities.  I recall years ago, I attended a Gospel Brunch at The House of Blues and as a friend and I dined between sets, we struck up a conversation with a Caucasian woman.  We laughed, drank, talked and at one point she addressed us as "sister".   I could tell she was a bit uncomfortable as she did not know if we would accept her as our sister .  We let her know, that her offer was accepted and we did identify with her as our "sister", the sudden heaviness quickly evaporated from the air and we continued our fellowship.  Throughout the years I've become more supportive of Women in Business ....

I will admit, it was extremely hard to get out of bed.  I set my alarm and surprisingly for the first time in days I actually woke up before it went off.  Normally, I just don't hear it, which is strange since that's typically not an issue or me.  So I begin with prayer and meditation (see, Hello, Good Morning! ) then I am reminded that I have a therapy appointment.  It was truly a struggle to leave my bed for several reasons:  I was comfortable, I have a cold or sinus whatever and a migraine that I've been fighting since Wednesday.  That justifies missing my appointment, right? WRONG! I have a thought,  "Obedience is better than Sacrifice" so I drag myself out of bed and try to pull myself together so I look somewhat presentable. I realize that it's my own fault if I am late for my appointment, so at some point I say a quick prayer requesting to get there on time or at maximum 10 minutes late.  I ha...

I've always been fascinated by the moon, especially a "full moon".   I'm not exactly sure how the energy seems different, but there's a unique feeling in the air as the phases of the moon change.  I remember when I first realized it and began reading various theories about it, the most commonly known information is that the Moon is considered feminine energy where the Sun is considered masculine.  Perhaps, that's why I find it interesting, because of the vibe associated with feminine energy is much calmer than that of it's counterpart.  As I reflect on the day and random thoughts I feel a very peaceful energy surrounding me.    I attended a youth service today and the message was right in alignment with various conversations I've had recently.  In the past I would of thought of that as eerie or strange, however as my awareness of the Universe and my relationship with the Creator of the Universe continues to develop I understand how it all plays a ...

For the past couple of days I've felt this space of resentment and anger trying to express itself, I've been trying to "be nice", but that's a whole other blog.  As various conversations and events occurred I had to take deep breaths, find the " right " music, count to 10, take the necessary medication and a million other techniques my Therapists and I agreed upon.  Trouble is, at some point I felt  overwhelmed.  I wanted to vent to and about various things and people however I knew that wasn't a wise decision.  So I began a post titled "My Complaint Hierarchy", yet my thoughts weren't forming as I would have liked so I left it in the draft.    Not long after I spent some time with a very important person in my life and to say I was at my "wits end" would be an understatement.  I couldn't figure out if they were purposely trying to push my buttons or if it were just a happenstance, nonetheless, the tears began to fa...

"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8a "God is Love" 1 John 4:8  "God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him."  1 John 4:16b     With various thoughts over the past week, I see now more than ever how "we" may pray for certain things to occur and when they actually happen "we" run away or do something/anything to sabotage the desired outcome.  I'm not quite sure how many times I've done this myself.  I guess it's the fear, but of what?  What exactly is it that holds us back?     As I headed to the gym at approximately 11 pm I felt afraid, like, something would happen.  Perhaps because I'd be there alone, but in this moment I could have chosen to turn back to the comfort of home or face the fear, the thoughts of my bikini body and the lovely clothes I plan to purchase (soon).  I chose the gym and I felt amazing afterwards!  Then I think back on how unhappy I was and the fact...

The past few days I've been having issue with a certain path, as I've expressed in "I'm on His Side" I feel as if part of me should take some time and invest the "necessary" effort into this person and see what happens.  However on the other hand, words of @ihustlenation come to mind stating, "If you're not married, you're single".   Simple enough, right? Well here's the thing, "My Favorite" failed to secure an exclusive understanding with me prior to him leaving.  I feel as if this thought concerning him has come up one time too many, I mean, if a person is scared, not ready, or whatever hang-up they decide to allow to stand in the way; how much time is reasonable to move on?   It's funny, I basically talk about the same 4 people throughout the years, but since their names aren't attached it may appear as if each story is about a new person.  That used to drive my ex crazy, nonetheless, I've known the ma...

Between the three (3) cleanses I've done this year, adopting the practice of meditation and repairing my prayer life I've discovered a renewed relationship with God.  The interesting thing about it is, that wasn't my plan.  Over the years I've built a wall around my heart in an effort to keep everyone out, over time it even included God.   I recall 1999, I found myself pregnant by a "man" who (I thought) I knew, we were together for about two years prior to this (see, "The Rebound Guy" ).  We dated, he met my father, we did everything a couple would do although there was no true commitment to one another.  I remember the mishap as if it were yesterday, the condom comes off and immediately I knew this would create a problem.  Sure enough, soon after I learn that I am pregnant, and the day I told him he expressed to me how much he hated me, how I was ruining his life and how he wanted to have tons of children, but with his wife a...

Don't know why I chose to read through my journal just now, perhaps the restlessness I feel or the level of anxiety I am hoping will disappear. For a second I thought it would take my mind off of the miserable day I had at work. It was one of those days where I didn't want to get out of bed, as I realized I could not, hmmm more like "should not" call in today. So as I make that motion to get out of my loving bed I felt nauseous, the feeling remained for much of the day. I had a few things that I thought would keep me motivated yet one by one I was disappointed. The paths weren't as easy as I had expected them to be, not due to lack of effort, but based on how those involved presented things. So now I am still, unsure which step to take next, so I do what I can to put a pause in as many of the tasks as I can. I am reminded that a lot of times things happen and if we are hasty it isn't always the most beneficial or effective outcome. Like the saying about how...

I believe somethings come to you at a time when you need them the most.  I recall being in a very dark space and I did not like myself very much, it was too the point where I could not look myself in the mirror.  I was unhappy, overweight, angry, just to give you an idea, however if you've read a few of my other posts I've gone into detail about where I was.  I've also mentioned the things that propelled me on this journey that I've come to adore.  As I wrote about "Expectation(s)" , I began to realize how I've come to adapt a new approach to them.  It all started with "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Riuz, I realize how keeping these agreements improved my outlook as well as my relationships with myself and others.  The Four Agreements are:   1. Be Impeccable with your Word Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the ...