Up, up & away

Sometimes I'm puzzled by the way my mind works, I remember being bored in school once I no longer felt challenged. I tried it their way and nothing seemed to work. So I spent my time at the beach or on some type of adventure exploring the city. I recall as I got older I no longer dreamt of an occupation, I was just getting by from one day to the next without a care or thought of the details which would make up my future.

I'd eventually stop going to all my classes once it was apparent my guidance counselor was never available when I requested appointments. I tried going to Saturday school to get the necessary credits and that didn't last long, I then transferred schools and made an effort to do better. Well that didn't work either, as a last resort I decided to skip the day shift and enroll in Adult School. Eventually one of the teachers pulled me aside and asked what I was doing there, I made the long story short without a thought of what his response would be. After a brief silence, he said "you're too smart for this, why don't you just start College?" he then explained that I could simply take the necessary tests and upon evaluation the school would accept me. So that's what I did.

As I made new friends and began to plan my future I thought to myself, "why hadn't anyone told me this before?" Things are flowing nicely, then life happens so I take a break. During this time I get a call from the schools job placement office, I was offered a position with the requirement to take at least 3 or 6 units, I forget the exact number. The lady had always been nice to me so I figured I'd do it since she wanted my help in a particular department. I choose to take a few Child Development classes since I found myself with a new baby at the time.

I recall an experiment the instructor had us do called "Baby Day". The class was asked to bring a child and we'd observe the kids interacting with one another as well as with the adults in the room. Initially I had my reservations as I am extremely neurotic and overprotective when it comes to who and what my son is exposed to. I am getting better however it is not always easy. I talked my BFF at the time into accompanying us in case I felt a threat or danger, I'm such a "Mama Bear". So we go and my Baby Bear steals the show, everyone was impressed with his manners, awareness and interaction with others. Shortly after this experience my instructor pulled me aside and told me, I should change my major to Child Psychology. My response was, "I don't like kids.", I continued to explain, "I like mine; but #Dassit" she asked me to think about it and perhaps I'd reconsider, I agreed, but my decision didn't change.

Somehow, over time my feelings towards kids changed. I was finally in a space to admit, I understood them and dare I say, I even like them. I actually prefer them over adults and pets. I've always made sure to take an interest in what my son likes, dislikes, the shows he chooses, the music he listens to, you name it. I understand how you can figure out what your child is going through or feeling based on what's in heavy rotation (this actually applies to anyone).

I laugh at myself, because at times I have the strangest word associations that play in my head. So as I lay (or is it lie?) either way, I'm stuck in bed battling THE longest migraine EVER -insert sad face- and as I get up to close my blinds and the sky is some blah gray hue; I think to myself "I need Blue Skies & Rainbows, oh, and a Spa Day" which brought to my memory a scene from the movie "Up" where the chubby Boy Scout is floating in the air with a bunch of balloons. So now the hook to that Lil' Wayne song starts playing in my head "Up up and away, up up and away. Man I'm so high, I come down in a couple of days". I then realize I want to see this movie and I remember I agreed to watch my little cousins for a day. The excitement begins, now I ponder the thought, perhaps this is why I'm stuck in bed today. To meditate on what the babies need from me or maybe, what I need from them. We speak the same language, I am "cousin" or "auntie", but their my #IndigoChildren. I get excited, because they are so pure in spirit, creative, brilliant and fun. For someone, like myself who never learned how to relax, they provide this carefree space that drives anxiety and stress far from me.

I am amazed at the times I've thought a prayer and shortly after one of the kids came to give me a hug or tell me how much they love me. They tell the best stories and they have the most questions, especially when I mention being a #Princess or #Mermaid. I won't go down the road of regret, however I find it interesting that my instructor saw that in me years before I had a clue.

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