The World Outside My Window

At times I feel as if I wear my Heart on my sleeve; I make an attempt to conceal it, but I feel as if it shows regardless.  Some times I wish I was more nonchalant about things.  Not allowing them to get under my skin, although I already know that's an impossibility for me.  Funny because it was difficult prior to the Anxiety Disorder,  so now it's mind blowing how sensitive I can become.  I dislike feeling as if I am "using" the disorder as a crutch or a scapegoat, but in reality I am aware that I am not how I once was; nor will I ever be again. That's the part that gets to me the most, to understand that I have changed on many levels; one of which I am not in alignment with.  As a Capricorn I can be quite moody by nature, but adding to that the disorders, conditions, phobias, etc. all of which are out of my control and based upon an element of my self that I am still discovering, is quite overwhelming.  I struggle daily to keep the feelings "in ...

I've decided not too long ago that I would take an introspective look concerning my issues with vulnerability. It seems I feel as if it is a weakness that many choose to prey upon; as opposed to a strength that only the brave and courageous are willing to explore.  With each post I am confronted by my comfort zone which often leads to a slight debate regarding which parts to edit away and which should stay.  Or which should remain in a private journal rather than being posted on the Blog; not to mention the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I must hold onto until a therapist is secured and I can share my Self completely without judgement or criticism.   I believe needs come in all shapes, sizes and forms; they can also be specific to sentimental times in a person's life.  For me, a few months of the year brings about "Anniversaries" and "Awareness" or "Observation" on special dates that have either changed my life or are now a part of the j...

Without going into detail, this entire week has been exhausting; Emotionally, Mentally & Physically. I understood yesterday more than ever that as much as my efforts are helping fight the Disorders the missing ingredient has been Therapy; which has become imperative.  The good news is there's progress and I'm standing on Faith in God and His Words & Promises that all of the "hold up's" will be removed and things will flow perfectly according to God's perfect will and in His divine timing. in Jesus name, amen.