I've decided not too long ago that I would take an introspective look concerning my issues with vulnerability. It seems I feel as if it is a weakness that many choose to prey upon; as opposed to a strength that only the brave and courageous are willing to explore. With each post I am confronted by my comfort zone which often leads to a slight debate regarding which parts to edit away and which should stay. Or which should remain in a private journal rather than being posted on the Blog; not to mention the thoughts, feelings and emotions that I must hold onto until a therapist is secured and I can share my Self completely without judgement or criticism.
I believe needs come in all shapes, sizes and forms; they can also be specific to sentimental times in a person's life. For me, a few months of the year brings about "Anniversaries" and "Awareness" or "Observation" on special dates that have either changed my life or are now a part of the journey I find myself on. As I was in the mist of "Mental Health Awareness" Week, I was very aware that this assignment did not just happen to correspond with exact Spiritual and Natural, core-changing experiences in my life. I know I typically don't speak in detail about my religious Spiritual beliefs, however the doctrine(s) I identify with are that of Seventh-Day Adventist as well as Apostolic/ Pentecostal faith. In 1999, I was baptized (in Jesus name) on November 14th; it took almost a year, but in August of 2000 I received the gift of the Holy Ghost; evidence by speaking in tongues as the spirit of God gives utterance (Acts 2:4 & 38). Along with that it was the birthday of a dear friend; my best friend actually. I've written about him before, each time memories of his Being and our conversations brings tears to the wells of my eyes; but because of my silly issues with crying and showing vulnerability I'll let them stay until they dry, knowing they aren't allowed to fall.
Nonetheless, to think my time away was a bit emotional would be an understatement, although I was able to push through it, I thought with all of his wisdom, encouraging words and support; what would he encourage me to do in this stage of my journey if he were here to see areas where I may be holding back. I am deciding to allow myself the freedom to express what my heart desires and allow the "chips to fall where they may" or more like "carpe diem"! I feel as if I have been in this position before; as a matter of fact I know I have been....
December 2007*, I'd decided the work I was doing was no longer serving me so I turned in my resignation with the plan to start my own business and begin writing a book. It was outlined to be fictional however based on a few of the hilarious interactions I'd witness over the previous years with the people and things I found myself surrounded by. Along with my personal "life lessons" and outlook; well I began a business and my first "client" was introduced to be through a "friend". I poured my heart and time into a project and found myself getting "played" with some hood shenanigans. Immediately I put the business and book on the shelf and went out to find a job. Fast forward to present day, I find myself in the same mindset to start businesses and write books; however this time I refuse to allow any set back or set up to interfere with the vision I have or the projects in mind. I believe on a different level this time. I believe God gave me those ideas and various experiences keep leading me back to them, leaving me feeling that this is my opportunity (once again) to fulfill my dreams and make a difference in this World (regardless of the level of impact), even if something I've said helps one Person, even if that one Person is my Self; I am determined to take control of my destiny and not allow past experiences, current circumstances or doubts/ anxiety of the future keep me from my purpose any longer.
To be continued...
*correction
Nonetheless, to think my time away was a bit emotional would be an understatement, although I was able to push through it, I thought with all of his wisdom, encouraging words and support; what would he encourage me to do in this stage of my journey if he were here to see areas where I may be holding back. I am deciding to allow myself the freedom to express what my heart desires and allow the "chips to fall where they may" or more like "carpe diem"! I feel as if I have been in this position before; as a matter of fact I know I have been....
December 2007*, I'd decided the work I was doing was no longer serving me so I turned in my resignation with the plan to start my own business and begin writing a book. It was outlined to be fictional however based on a few of the hilarious interactions I'd witness over the previous years with the people and things I found myself surrounded by. Along with my personal "life lessons" and outlook; well I began a business and my first "client" was introduced to be through a "friend". I poured my heart and time into a project and found myself getting "played" with some hood shenanigans. Immediately I put the business and book on the shelf and went out to find a job. Fast forward to present day, I find myself in the same mindset to start businesses and write books; however this time I refuse to allow any set back or set up to interfere with the vision I have or the projects in mind. I believe on a different level this time. I believe God gave me those ideas and various experiences keep leading me back to them, leaving me feeling that this is my opportunity (once again) to fulfill my dreams and make a difference in this World (regardless of the level of impact), even if something I've said helps one Person, even if that one Person is my Self; I am determined to take control of my destiny and not allow past experiences, current circumstances or doubts/ anxiety of the future keep me from my purpose any longer.
To be continued...
*correction
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