The level(s) of aloofness are baffling to me; the things that consume my thoughts are at times overwhelming. While other feelings and emotions are dying to be expressed; I just want to sleep and wake up like a year from now when all the dust has settled and the "valley" of my life has been put to rest. But of course that is not reality... I prefer the fantasy; the life in my head that I fight so hard for. The "Happily Ever After" with my Castle on the Moons of Venus; where everything is in harmony and abundance. Lately, everything on Earth bores me; I've seen so much through experience and I am sick to my stomach of mediocrity and injustice. I feel as if the dreams I have in my head somehow transitioned into something altogether different, expanding what I thought was "the big picture" into something more incredible and fascinating, but I am unable to put it into words just yet, which means I don't even understand it completely.
I desire to write from my heart, my truest, deepest, most meaningful thoughts; but my fear of vulnerability hinders me at times. This may be one of them, the depths of my emotions along with the depression is baffling and the feelings of love from within are mind-blowing. The combination sends me to a space of tormented pleasure as my Soul feels as if it will burst and I can return to the air and somehow travel back to the Stars from which I came. Made of Stardust and curiosity; truly a gift and a curse (depending on the day/ moment). I think I will have a few more drinks and a lot more smoke and sort through my thoughts and the feelings; leaving enough time to meditate and pinpoint the "reason" I am entertaining deleting those posts and starting anew.
The "space" that I am in currently feels so complex; as if I know I am not who I once was, however I am not quite at the next phase of my journey. Stress, desire, uncertainty and the awesomeness of God along with my goals and dreams have created this level of energy and excitement that I have never experienced before. I want to sing and scream and run yet sleep all at the same damn time. Crazy, right? I know! hahahaha; maybe in the near future I will be able to translate these feelings into words and they will make complete sense, in the meantime I will continue to re-write and edit until I believe the expressions are ready to post. The most intriguing thing of it all is I still have a few more expressions in my head that I have yet to draft. I am praying to share before the numbers continue to increase; because that would be backwards and I have no idea what it would attract (based on principles of "The Law of Attraction"), nonetheless I also want to make sure that my words are thoughtful, meaningful and perhaps inspiring to someone who may battle an issue similar to mine or may relate in some other way.
I pray it all comes together effortlessly as well as divinely so I have more time to concentrate on the present moment(s) along with the future of my dreams. Notice, I'm being mindful to use positive affirmations and sayings regarding myself, my future as well as our Community here (aka "the Blog"); making use of "The Secret" in an attempt to bring about good fortune and abundance to myself as well as those of you who are reading. I truly wish the best for you all, hoping we all attain our goals, dreams and aspirations. While developing our skills and God-given talents and understanding. Which brings me to the Organization I intend to develop and introduce "soon"; I'm excited as if expecting a new "baby", I am looking forward to sharing. I guess I've been a bit busy, so busy in fact that I feel like I may have too many "balls in the air" lol, then I think and pray for the strength to follow through as I've given my word and/or seen the end result (in a vision or dream) and I must do what it takes within my power to manifest them in this lifetime.
Tomorrow is another day and a step or two closer to our dreams; so I suppose I'll bid you a good night, until I Blog again.
Namaste
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