Like (almost) everyone, I anticipated the return of Winter Season programming on television; trouble came when my "faves" returned and could not hold my interest. Without realizing it, I practically don't watch anything anymore; that is unless something comes to mind and I YouTube it. When doing that it's mostly music or something that will provide (spiritual/ mental) enlightenment, growth and/or wisdom. Once it came to my awareness I than took inventory on where my thoughts were and what my words and actions created. To my surprise, I had accomplished some things that were on the "back burner" for quite some time. To say I was/am overjoyed by the amount of checks on my "to do list", I even realized how much extra time I had each day.
During my trip to Nevada I entertained a vegetarian style of eating and actually enjoyed it; I believe I lasted about 5- 6 days and felt a difference; however due to my specific type of allergies, a "diet" of certain grains, herbs, etc. wouldn't work well with my genetic make up; so I decided to modify my current eating habits and incorporate some vegetarian dishes in the mix. Since switching my birth control I am noticing the changes I am currently going through as a "woman of a certain age"; along with my health conditions (Anxiety Disorder and what not), I have gotten my body completely "clean" as in free of hormones and bullshit; which shows me other areas where I may need to make some adjustments and pray for direction as well as guidance in an effort to get myself to the space I desire to be; mind, body and spirit.
To say things are easy would be a far stretch of the imagination; funny how on a particular journey, challenges seem to come out of every direction without ceasing. I am drained and exhausted; mentally and emotionally. However, what do you do when life is crazy yet your goals, dreams, hopes and prayers are equally as "crazy"?; if not "crazier"? I recently re-read/ re-posted a couple expressions written in 2013 describing my need to build "my Fairytale... one brick at a time" along with "No Pity Parties Allowed". I found it quite interesting that almost 2 years later I can still relate to those exact circumstances along with acknowledging the areas where I have grown; in addition to, areas I must improve. Thankfully, with the knowledge and understanding gained from documentaries such as "The Secret" and books like, "The Four Agreements", I chose to look on the bright side and continue to focus on the sentiments, affections and objects of my desire; remembering to be gentle yet honest with myself to know if I had truly done "my best" or if I was choosing procrastination or some other excuse/ reason things had not been accomplished as expected. I am pleased, nonetheless, I made a decision to "go hard(er)" and be absolutely relentless with the determination and efforts towards making my Dreams a reality. Then guess what happened? Yep, the Universe met my expectation and put "challenges" in place which if you are aware; you'd understand that it is either an opportunity or a "set back". With that understanding you either embrace it and allow the "issues" to propel you into greatness or frustrate you into despair; I am choosing the opportunities that are in my sights (my vision) for a future; along with how it contributes to Loved Ones as well as Our Planet and her inhabitants.
In this moment, I am "in the feelings"; which would like to "speak", yet I make an effort not to share from that space. However, because I have yet to secure a therapist, I think you guys may be in for a view of another "window" into my Soul, Being, Human. (Call me crazy, but...) the concepts of "human" and "people" are still new ventures for me to learn; as an introvert, I am extremely familiar with my Self, yet I am still learning. Lately I've been more of an extrovert or perhaps a hybrid of the two. In that I am seeing many of my personality traits and how they co-mingle with "Others"; it's quite entertaining to say the least. With that said, I suppose this is yet another chapter for the Blog, yet a turn of the page for the Book. To say what this chapter has thought me so far would be premature; and I have no intention of unraveling anything that's being tied up (loose ends). So I guess I'm saying, I am looking forward to my next level of growing and I am grateful for you all to be on this journey along with me. It means a lot to know that we are supporting one anOther and challenging ourselves to stretch our visions, goals, dreams and understanding; in an effort to contribute to the "Greater Good". I am humbled as well as honored to know that I am not alone on this Earth; although it feels that way much of the time. I don't know if that's the Severe Depression speaking or if it's a legitimate feeling; so I took a moment and thought about it which sparked thoughts of other expressions to share.
It is not my intention to change the direction of the Blog; however I have wanted to be a bit more open about my Self as well as the Struggle(s) and Battles; I have experienced plus the ones that are an every Day fight. I hope to continue on the path chosen for me and your support inspires me to do more; Be more. Striving to be the best Kamille I am able to be.
Thank you! I Love You all for your support and willingness to share in the transformation I am undergoing.
Namaste
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