The World Outside My Window

I didn't realize I've been grieving; well, suppressing grief.  I thought I said my "good bye"; without going into details, I figured I was "okay".  It seems I've been grieving particular things for a little while now; the dead spaces in my life/ relationships.  I don't care to share the most recent however I believe that is possibly what sent me to the edge.  While dealing with my issues as well as the random "meet and greet" with my "demons" I feel as if I am losing my mind.   The worst part is, for the majority of my life, when I felt this way I could crawl in my Grandmother's bed and cry or be silent and she'd just know.  She knew what to say or what to do to make me better.  I couldn't go to the funeral and I have yet to visit the site; however I have a special place where I feel I can commune with her.  So far that's comforting, but it's not the same.  Almost 9 months later and this is (I believe) the...

As I sit here, I decided to re-read the drafts currently awaiting completion.  I've decided, they are too personal.  Part of me wishes I was able to bypass that "feeling" today, but I know that I'll only regret sharing anything prematurely.  In this moment I am both happy yet my heart feels broken; for various reasons.  So far the wine and weed (medicinal marijuana) are helping, you see I am out of medication ( lol & smh ).  I returned from my trip and somehow my pharmacy has difficulty filling my prescriptions (insert blank stare). You'd think there would be some type of provision for this type of circumstance; nope.  From the attitude of the staff, "no fucks" were given; thankfully and with much prayer and "alternative" approaches to Anxiety Disorder and Severe Depression, I did not wind up in the Hospital (again). The level(s) of aloofness are baffling to me; the things that consume my thoughts are at times overwhelming. While other...

Have you ever used your sense(s) to give instructions to your body? When God is the conductor of your moment(s), experience(s)... Life; the music plays so beautifully.