What Are Your Words Saying?

I believe somethings come to you at a time when you need them the most.  I recall being in a very dark space and I did not like myself very much, it was too the point where I could not look myself in the mirror.  I was unhappy, overweight, angry, just to give you an idea, however if you've read a few of my other posts I've gone into detail about where I was.  I've also mentioned the things that propelled me on this journey that I've come to adore.  As I wrote about "Expectation(s)", I began to realize how I've come to adapt a new approach to them.  It all started with "The Four Agreements" by don Miguel Riuz, I realize how keeping these agreements improved my outlook as well as my relationships with myself and others. 

The Four Agreements are:

 

1. Be Impeccable with your Word

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

 

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

 

3. Don’t Make Assumptions

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

 

4. Always Do Your Best

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 

I understand how one agreement in particular weighs so heavily with me.  Be Impeccable with your Word, I guess it also ties together with "Fairytales, Lies & Propaganda", the quickest way to my bad side is to feed me empty promises or to prove yourself to be unreliable.  I have very little patience for liars or for people who say things with no intention of putting their words into actions.  I understand exactly where this comes from and it's a space that makes me extremely sad, or at least it used to (thanks to the 2nd agreement "Don’t Take Anything Personally") .  It reminds me of a time when I was powerless to the words spoken to me and I hung on to them for my very being.  I wanted to be loved and a part of something, I wanted to belong and be cared for.  I was a child and I believed that the adults in my life had my best interest at heart.  I believed that one person in particular truly accepted me as "the daughter" she never had, however time and time again her promises held no weight.  The plans, trips, gifts, wisdom she volunteered to share always had to wait for another day. Then I finally realized that day would never come, there was always an excuse, but it her mind they were "reasons".   

 

Recently I've dealt with a situation that was somewhat unexpected, I knew it was an issue however I thought I had more time before I had to tackle it.  In that instance I needed help, which is not something I eagerly announce.  I rarely rely on other people, I'll go without before I ask for help.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or something else, I guess time will reveal.  Anyway, after many conversations with this person it seemed we'd reached a new level of respect and understanding however as I was faced with this dilemma I acknowledged the fact that I needed help.  Rather than asking for the help right away I thought it would be a good exercise to share what I was going through since that seemed to be one of her issues with me.  I don't express anything so it's not always easy to read me, or so I've been told.  So in my expression, she volunteers to help, as usual.  I don't know if it was my desire to believe everyone can change, especially since I'd gone through a total transformation or if it was my childlike desire to believe in this person.  Nonetheless, I was fed a dream which created expectations and later led to disappointment and hurt. 

 

I find myself in a rather uncomfortable position, because I don't really regret this ordeal however I do not like the way it made me feel.  To believe the words someone says yet they aren't being impeccable with their intentions or abilities.  I'm not sure which is true, however I understand that even with all of my awareness and change, I will not tolerate a person in my space willingly and/or purposely speaking words that they do not intend to back up.  I don't really care how big or small the words are, I may not act as I once did where I delete people from my life however when I keep my distance don't pretend to be shocked about the reason why.

 

As I typed those words the scripture comes to mind:

Matthew 5:37 New King James Version (NKJV)

But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

It's so much easier to just do what you say and only say what you're willing to do.  Anything more than that is unnecessary and makes me question your intention(s).