For some reason I have so much on my heart and mind yet I can not find the words to express them. Today I found myself in a zone; I don't recall being there before so I cant quite explain that either. When I woke up, I felt at peace. Typically, in the space of time when I am awake yet my eyes haven't opened is when I pray, meditate and just bask in the presence of God. The city is quiet and there is a stillness which I don't really feel any other time of the day. In that space I am grateful, thankful, appreciative, that is also the time when I make sure to pray for those who come to mind. I seek guidance and ask God to lay out my path for me and to help me to see the pitfalls and traps "the angry birds" may try to set for me.
Today was slightly different because rather than preparing for work after this, I had to deal with the aftermath of the anxiety attack. I can sense foolishness is coming, but I wasn't quite sure which direction it would come. Without going into detail, foolishness is presented and thought I would keep quiet and allow it to take hold of my thoughts. The funny thing about this journey is how predictable some people allow themselves to be. I by no means feel as if I have everything figured out, however what does come to mind is "play a sucker to catch a sucker" see 48 Laws of Power. In this society of instant gratification and what I refer to as "microwave logic" no one really invests in knowing who they're dealing with. They assume that because most people are rather hmm "simple", they expect everyone they encounter to be the same. The person just happened to be unprepared and I was ready for whatever was thrown my way. That's the power of prayer, meditation and allowing God to guide you. I will admit, dealing with this person did rattle my spirit, not because I believed what was said, but because of his intention. The trap he unsuccessfully attempted to set and the fact that it most likely worked on quite a few people who crossed his path.
From that moment, all I could think about was the need to wash the day off of me. There's something about setting an atmosphere of tranquility, a space of pampering which allows you to unwind and shed the events of the day. Soaking, relaxing, washing the day down the drain while listening to music by candlelight with a glass of wine. Somehow once the towel is wrapped around my body and the music is playing as the water leaves the bathtub with the essence of the day with it. I feel at peace, I am ready to meditate, have a conversation or whatever the evening brings.
Sometimes its the simple things that make everything a little bit brighter. And the fact that I have 6 blog entries sitting in my drafts with not a single thought to attach to them doesn't concern me. I know the thoughts will come and the words will fit exactly as they should. Just like the water touching my skin and and saturating my soul with the element of clam that I needed. I understand that everything happens in it's own time. I read a tweet from @IyanlaVanzant a while ago which stated "We cannot rush the sunrise or pay to bring on the full moon. Everything will happen when it is supposed to happen". With that, I appreciate the simple things in life and the space of peace that I am in at this moment.
It is foolish or perhaps arrogant is a better word to expect another day; we are all here by the grace and mercy of God, so why stress over things you have no control over? Things that will be here long after your spirit ascends from your body. The thought of my body taking on this anxiety that my soul was unfazed by is strange to me. I guess what bothers me most, is that it creates the need for me to engage in various situations that I normally wouldn't have to deal with. Then I think, maybe that's the plan. I am clearly out of my comfort zone and I am faced with a responsibility that I did not see coming. I guess its all about balance; had there not been the complexity of life, I would not acknowledge or truly appreciate something as simple as a bubble bath.
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