I will admit, I still believe in fairytales. My father instilled in me that I was a princess, his angel and I should make sure that any man trying to capture my heart treated me as such. He also taught me to be independent, so that no matter what I could take care of myself and I wouldn't rely on someone, especially a man to have me in a position where I am dependent on them for my basic needs. As I type this I am reminded of Joseline and Stevie J from Love & Hip Hop- Atlanta, in their dysfunctional love affair Stevie would often threaten Joseline with "sending" her back to the strip club where he'd found her. And just as psychological abuse does, she got in line and began to "act right" out of fear that this man could and possibly would turn her chariot back into a pumpkin and send her to the despair she came from.
I guess when I think of a fairytale, I'm not looking for a Prince to come and "rescue" me from anything. There are no dragon's in my life, and the ones that were there I've killed them on my own. There is no evil stepmother or wicked step sisters, well actually there are lol (I refer to them as the "angry birds"), but the fact of the matter is; I have that in check too. Basically, I have my life in order. Is it perfect? Absolutely not! Do I have everything figured out? Hell no! When I say I have my life in order, I simply mean that I am happy, I am discovering the areas I need improvement (daily) and I appreciate the areas where I have improved. In the fairytale I speak of, its not necessarily a land "far far away" however I do believe in living "happily ever after" and whatever we decide that looks like. Not every one's story will be the same, however it has to make sense to those involved.
In my recent dating experience I've encountered a few "frogs" trying to disguise themselves as my "Prince Charming" or "Knight in Shining Armor". One gentleman decided to share with me on our first date that he wanted to marry me or should I say saw me as his wife, how quickly he was falling in love with me and his desire to "take care of me". Of course to some this sounds like the man of their dreams, however I got red flags and couldn't quite tell if these were lies or propaganda. See, a lie is deliberate. It's purpose is to deceive you and put the other persons interest in the forefront. Whereas propaganda is more like "selling you a dream", the intentions may even be pure however they either have no plan to back up the words or they mean the words, believe them to be true yet wont take the necessary actions to make the "dream come true". Either way, I'm not here for it!
I had to really think about things, and as a 32 year old woman I can honestly say that I enjoy being single. I am not rushing myself to walk down anyone's aisle, funny that most men don't believe me when they hear my words. I understand there is a huge commitment involved in the type of love that I desire, that level of understanding can not be rushed or forced. It's one of those things that you just know when you're in it. I believe that it's human nature to desire companionship, however I am very selective on who I allow in certain areas of my life. I guess in discovering myself, I've also discovered the type of man I need in my life. I've taken away (many) of the physical requirements, you know the ones; he has to be this tall, he has to be this complexion, he has to have this and drive that, blah blah blah. After I publish this post I am going to make a list of what my Prince Charming looks like and I've already thought of the first two things (I may post it once its complete).
1. He must love GOD- he has to have an awareness of a higher power and be connected
2. He must operate from his core- we all have ego, pride, insecurities, etc however we all have our core self which is the sum of our experiences, it is our spirit where our hopes, dreams, wishes and emotions dwell.
It's safe to say that I do desire love- to be loved and to express it. I understand that I have to rethink some of my expectations and I know everyone selling dreams aren't what they seem to be. Somewhere along the way I've discarded my rose colored glasses, yet I have a feeling the fairytale isn't something I should give up on.
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