"In every moment you have a choice to express your Heart or your Ego. Let your heart win."
The ever present debate between my heart and my ego joins us in 2011. As much as I would have liked to be over this issue and "on to the next one" there's something thats holding me right where I am. I do not understand the purpose, mainly because it doesnt seem to serve me in ANY way. I try to make sense of it all by saying that I just dont know the bigger picture, but often times I am not so sure there is a bigger picture with "us". I wont deny the fact that I love him, I admit that. I dont know how deep this love goes because I've never experienced anything like this. Is it the challenge of him not wanting me? Is it the guilt of the many times I've hurt him? Is it the timing of losing my best friend and meeting him? Is this fate? Is he my soulmate? I have none of those answers, as much as I wish I did.
I wished that I could be more social, outgoing, friendly, loving, etc in the new year however its been tried before and as soon as the resolution was expressed, it seemed to fail. I wont do that to myself any longer, I will try to live by the quote above however with him it is extremely difficult. Mainly because I dont feel as if he cares, or wants that from me. So at what point do you allow the ego the victory over the heart?
