I always have a difficult time deciding what to "give up" for lent. My first thought is always communication; or should I say "people"? I'll keep my reasons to my self. The funny part is, it's typically because of my "attitude" during this time; the few times I've chosen to participate in lent, I gave up communication in addition to a dietary change. Since dealing with various changes in my life as well as with my health, I am considering trying a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle as a way to challenge myself for lent. Then I thought how trivial that is in the grand scheme of things. Only because I've done those types of cleanses or fasting before, where's the challenge in that? I suppose a greater challenge would be to commit to writing; well posting more often for the next 40 days. There's a thought...
Although I am not Catholic, I find myself incorporating various customs from other religions in an attempt to gain spiritual balance or clarity. When I participated in Ramadan, it completely changed my outlook on quite a few things. So with this I thought, although giving up various aspects of my diet would be beneficial, it is rather superficial because in the back of my mind the motive is actually to shed a few unwanted pounds all in the name of sacrifice. I don't need lent for that, I need self-control and discipline (lol). So I've decided (partly) to redefine my communication boundaries along with making a commitment to write more.
There was a time when I'd get in a particular mood and without notice I'd change my telephone number or delete people from my life. Mostly, due to my attitude when in contact or communication with those individuals; a few years ago I had an argument with someone and the outcome was a promise that I would not "run away" anymore. Since then I've kept that promise, yet as I've grown in various ways I also recognize aspects of my personality effected by the disorders. Understanding I have personality disorders I find it difficult to interact with others; I won't go into great detail. Nevertheless, as I took some time this past week to access my thoughts, feelings and emotions regarding "people" I acknowledged the fact that I truly have (some) issues, in real life. I find that the support, love, appreciation, etc. that I'd expect from those closest to me often comes from complete strangers. In the past I found it difficult to accept this as a fact, so I glossed over it hoping, wishing, praying that those who I craved the attention from would reciprocate. At some point, I read the law of detachment and that truly put things in perspective for me. Once I incorporated that concept into my daily routine, it became a part of who I am. Although the Anxiety Disorder likes to attach itself to things and cause worry and despair, it is a battle to hold on to the principles I know work in the long run.
The other day on social media, a friend expressed their frustration or hurt based on lack of support. In that moment this friend shared my exact sentiments. One thing that has helped me was the philosophy expressed in detaching as well as the law of attraction, and of course to quote Rumi, "what you seek is seeking you"; meaning (at least for me), I no longer seek to control or manipulate those elements of life or have temper tantrums when someone doesn't treat me or support me the way I think they should. Instead, I send the vibrations of love and support, along with other needs/wants/ desires and I find those things return to me without question. It doesn't always look the way I may expect, but the beautiful thing about Universal Law as well as developing an intimate relationship with God has been, once I stopped trying to make people treat me a certain way, I began to receive that treatment; even from complete strangers. When the scriptures say how God will shower you with blessings you don't have room enough to receive; I think that's a great example of it.
I am not suggesting that everything will be "Sunshine and Rainbows", however when it rains, there are those who come to my aide without question. There are some who randomly call, text or whatever with cheerful things to say or advise. I won't go into everything that I am dealing with now, for sake of privacy, however in the past I would be ready to give up on life; mostly because I felt so alone and unloved. It took some time as well as some very truthful words from various Loved Ones, mainly my Dad (smile) and I realized the error, or should I say the hurt I was creating for myself by thinking that everyone should be, say, do certain things. I've chosen these days not to necessarily "run away", but I am working on establishing healthy boundaries that work for me as well as eliminating the negative vibes and energy I receive. I understand not everyone will like me, my lifestyle or the things that I choose to say, and it was quite liberating to come to terms with that. Yet these days I find more love, acceptance and support than before; perhaps because that's what I give in addition to the fact that's where I direct my energy.
Year's ago I heard or read something Rev Run said that created a paradigm shift in my awareness; he said "go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated". How simple yet profound, I took that quote and applied it not only to my "real" life, but also my social media efforts as well as with the Blog. I notice the support I receive from Instagram, Tumblr and Twitter is vastly different from what I receive on FaceBook. I recall a time when that would hurt my feelings, so I stopped posting on FaceBook other than quotes and cliche information; while exposing my Heart and vulnerabilities with the other outlets, this was before I made the Blog public (I believe). Then I thought, fuck that! I had a desire to share whatever, whenever, where ever I chose to. Now, I still notice the difference however more importantly it doesn't bother me. I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't share from a space of seeking approval or "likes", but I would share from my Heart and from my Mind. Sometimes people don't get it, and that's fine; since my desire is not necessarily for people to understand me, but moreso to express my Self in words or art and allow those energies to flow through me.
I suppose that's the "answer", for lent I am giving up the comfort of holding back. I desire to elevate my writing, thoughts and expressions; how can I do that constantly censoring myself for people who don't even support what I do? Now that I think about it, I can't help but laugh at myself yet I am grateful for this outlet as a way to brainstorm and get to the root of the thing(s) that may be hindering me from my dreams. As well as bring me closer to my Self in addition to the beautiful Soul's I've encountered thus far. I am looking forward to growth, revelation and artistic expression.
Namaste :)
Although I am not Catholic, I find myself incorporating various customs from other religions in an attempt to gain spiritual balance or clarity. When I participated in Ramadan, it completely changed my outlook on quite a few things. So with this I thought, although giving up various aspects of my diet would be beneficial, it is rather superficial because in the back of my mind the motive is actually to shed a few unwanted pounds all in the name of sacrifice. I don't need lent for that, I need self-control and discipline (lol). So I've decided (partly) to redefine my communication boundaries along with making a commitment to write more.
There was a time when I'd get in a particular mood and without notice I'd change my telephone number or delete people from my life. Mostly, due to my attitude when in contact or communication with those individuals; a few years ago I had an argument with someone and the outcome was a promise that I would not "run away" anymore. Since then I've kept that promise, yet as I've grown in various ways I also recognize aspects of my personality effected by the disorders. Understanding I have personality disorders I find it difficult to interact with others; I won't go into great detail. Nevertheless, as I took some time this past week to access my thoughts, feelings and emotions regarding "people" I acknowledged the fact that I truly have (some) issues, in real life. I find that the support, love, appreciation, etc. that I'd expect from those closest to me often comes from complete strangers. In the past I found it difficult to accept this as a fact, so I glossed over it hoping, wishing, praying that those who I craved the attention from would reciprocate. At some point, I read the law of detachment and that truly put things in perspective for me. Once I incorporated that concept into my daily routine, it became a part of who I am. Although the Anxiety Disorder likes to attach itself to things and cause worry and despair, it is a battle to hold on to the principles I know work in the long run.
The other day on social media, a friend expressed their frustration or hurt based on lack of support. In that moment this friend shared my exact sentiments. One thing that has helped me was the philosophy expressed in detaching as well as the law of attraction, and of course to quote Rumi, "what you seek is seeking you"; meaning (at least for me), I no longer seek to control or manipulate those elements of life or have temper tantrums when someone doesn't treat me or support me the way I think they should. Instead, I send the vibrations of love and support, along with other needs/wants/ desires and I find those things return to me without question. It doesn't always look the way I may expect, but the beautiful thing about Universal Law as well as developing an intimate relationship with God has been, once I stopped trying to make people treat me a certain way, I began to receive that treatment; even from complete strangers. When the scriptures say how God will shower you with blessings you don't have room enough to receive; I think that's a great example of it.
I am not suggesting that everything will be "Sunshine and Rainbows", however when it rains, there are those who come to my aide without question. There are some who randomly call, text or whatever with cheerful things to say or advise. I won't go into everything that I am dealing with now, for sake of privacy, however in the past I would be ready to give up on life; mostly because I felt so alone and unloved. It took some time as well as some very truthful words from various Loved Ones, mainly my Dad (smile) and I realized the error, or should I say the hurt I was creating for myself by thinking that everyone should be, say, do certain things. I've chosen these days not to necessarily "run away", but I am working on establishing healthy boundaries that work for me as well as eliminating the negative vibes and energy I receive. I understand not everyone will like me, my lifestyle or the things that I choose to say, and it was quite liberating to come to terms with that. Yet these days I find more love, acceptance and support than before; perhaps because that's what I give in addition to the fact that's where I direct my energy.
Year's ago I heard or read something Rev Run said that created a paradigm shift in my awareness; he said "go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated". How simple yet profound, I took that quote and applied it not only to my "real" life, but also my social media efforts as well as with the Blog. I notice the support I receive from Instagram, Tumblr and Twitter is vastly different from what I receive on FaceBook. I recall a time when that would hurt my feelings, so I stopped posting on FaceBook other than quotes and cliche information; while exposing my Heart and vulnerabilities with the other outlets, this was before I made the Blog public (I believe). Then I thought, fuck that! I had a desire to share whatever, whenever, where ever I chose to. Now, I still notice the difference however more importantly it doesn't bother me. I decided a long time ago that I wouldn't share from a space of seeking approval or "likes", but I would share from my Heart and from my Mind. Sometimes people don't get it, and that's fine; since my desire is not necessarily for people to understand me, but moreso to express my Self in words or art and allow those energies to flow through me.
I suppose that's the "answer", for lent I am giving up the comfort of holding back. I desire to elevate my writing, thoughts and expressions; how can I do that constantly censoring myself for people who don't even support what I do? Now that I think about it, I can't help but laugh at myself yet I am grateful for this outlet as a way to brainstorm and get to the root of the thing(s) that may be hindering me from my dreams. As well as bring me closer to my Self in addition to the beautiful Soul's I've encountered thus far. I am looking forward to growth, revelation and artistic expression.
Namaste :)
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