The Shape of My Heart

These feelings are uniquely unfamiliar; I've felt them before, many times;  but never to this magnitude. I recall this space, but typically the trip is over before I'm fully settled and had a chance to unpack my bags completely. I no longer recognize the shape of my Heart, it's been stretched to the point that it's unrecognizable to me. It's as if it's fully open, which frightens me; I suppose due to the amount of vulnerability it requires.  To think I'd get to be "a woman of a certain age" and finally begin to understand (slightly) what it means to love.  Not in the cliché sense of the term, this is something altogether different. I feel brand new to love; as if all of the hurts from the past have been erased. 

A few days ago I posted on my Facebook that I'd given all of my "ugly Hurts" their "pretty Wings"; to be honest, I thought I was just being clever by playing on the words and songs of two of my favorite artist ("Pretty Hurts" - Beyonce and "Pretty Wings" - Maxwell). What I didn't consider in my banter was the sincerity in my Heart as well as the truth in my intention, because it seemed to release me from a lot of the baggage of unpleasant feelings regarding my past and the people associated with them. After much thought I realize this love which started within, from/ for/ towards my Self had spilled over; allowing me to actually love Others, unconditionally.   I pray this level of excitement isn't short lived; however as I reflect on recent days I am made aware that this is often the temperament of my Being upon awakening each morning; of course before the effects and activity of the day takes hold. 

To say this has been a very "trying" few years would be an understatement; nonetheless I am appreciatative, grateful and thankful for my Family, Friends, "Well Wishers" and "Supporters". I only wish the love is felt in the way my Heart feels to express it. I suppose that's the challenge with unfamiliar territory; the adjusting, alterations and readjustments. 

As I gather my Thoughts and make an attempt to organize my schedule as well as re-evaluate my daily/ weekly routine(s); I wanted to make sure to take a moment to acknowledge as well as say prayers for my Family, entirely. Although the tests and trails are many, I know that The Lord will not put more upon us than we can bare, with Love, Faith and Unity; I know that "...all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 NIV)" along with "I (We) can do all this through him who gives me (us) strength. (Philippians 4:13 NIV)". 

I would also like to extend that sentiment to you and your Family/ Loved Ones as you read my words; as I do pray for each person who encounters the Blog in addition to the other Social Media sites I contribute to. Hoping that the things I choose to share are in some way helpful in brightening your day or providing insight or whatever. As I find it easier to express my Self, I am also learning, or should I say, accepting the way my Being may affect/ effect someone else along their journey through this maze of Life. It is quite humbling and at times overwhelming as my goal is truly to be myself; not exactly "unapologetically", because my intention is not to offend. The word, authentically comes to mind; as I'm not setting out to please people, I am simply documenting my thoughts, feelings, understanding in an attempt to share my experiences. I believe it's vital for people to know "you are not alone", "I can relate" not to mention "I've been there, here's some red flags so you can learn from my 'mistakes'". 

As I've shared in previous posts my overall goal when my Life is all "said and done" and I am "face to face" with my Creator "'His (Her) master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ (Matthew 25:23 NIV)". 

Understanding the divine balance of Being a Soul/ Spirit experiencing a Human existence, with all that entails. Needless to say, I am a "work in progress" and I Thank You for accompanying me as I navigate my Self, my Life and my Experiences in such a way that also helps me to overcome the battles which are associated with the Anxiety Disorder along with my (many) other strengths, lessor strengths, disorders, flaws, etc. 

Enjoy your Day. Namasté :)