Reason, Season or Lifetime

So there's a saying "everything in your life is here for a reason, a season or a lifetime" I take that to mean that every obstacle, person and/or experience comes in your life to teach you something or for a certain time period while others which some would call a soulmate or twin flame are there for a lifetime.

The past few weeks have been a bit much for me emotionally. Funny how in retrospect everything is crystal clear, but when I'm 'going through it' i don't know why or it seems to come 'out of the blue' well I can not and will not pretend to be over him or happy about the outcome however i've decided to let go knowing that I can't dwell on what could have been or the reasons why things turned out the way they have. Its as simple as the idea that their season came, the reason was revealed leaving the conclusion that they weren't meant to last a lifetime.

This theory also includes friendships which may have served there purpose and are no longer necessary. This month i can count two that finally came to an end although their death/burial were long overdue. One I simply outgrew, it still somewhat amazes me the number of friends disappear once your life begins to progress. Whether its a promotion, engagement, addition to the family or just getting your shit together. Most people that call themselves your friends will not be happy for you especially if their life is a bit stagnant. To her i say 'good riddance' i wish her no harm but i do pray that she grows the hell up one day soon whether she does or doesn't i can't say that i really care.

The other actually hurt and left me a bit disappointed. On one hand this person and i had an intimate history and deep down I hoped we'd somehow work out our differences and give love another try. Honestly i knew that he'd never really mature fast enough or completely be the man I'd need him to be. I realized a little while ago that this friendship was draining and served me no purpose but I attempted to overlook it because i did care about his well-being and thought somehow I was assisting in his growth but learning that he shared information with someone who he knew I wouldn't want to know anything about me or what's going on in my life which was the last straw. It showed that not only was he immature but it was also a betrayl of my trust and a lack of respect for my boundaries which i refuse to tolerate from anyone in my life.

I can truthfully say that I am fine with the changes taking place although many times things aren't very comfortable for me they are necessary which is all that really matters. In time my heart will heal and I will become settled in my new life I will force myself to be more outgoing and begin to date and all that jazz. In the meantime I may blog a letter to him saying everything in my head & heart so at least I can finally get it all out as if it were my chance to say all the things I never got the chance to say to him and that will provide the closure I think I need.