I am so grateful to God for the Women in my life and the examples they have been for me. I am at a loss for words as the Vibration in my head is attempting to gain strength. The crazy part is, in time of Migraine, that's when I seem to have the most questions....
Today, the Migraine allowed me to "be still" and to stop Thinking, which allowed me to spend the day Dreaming.
Today: "the Moon is my Sun"
*quote is from someone I follow on Twitter, they posted some time ago, but it touched me so I remembered it.
QOTD: 3.23.13
have/do you ever study yourself? like, dissect your drive, thoughts, motives, actions/behaviors?
do you know what "moves" you? what inspires you? what motivates you? what are you passionate about?
when I say "you" I mean, without popular opinion, peer pressure, the appearance of what your actions may say to others "on the outside looking in", but how you feel to your Core, in the eye of God...
or better yet, have/do you ever study what God says about you? His promises to you and others who love, trust and obey His word?
do you know what "moves" you? what inspires you? what motivates you? what are you passionate about?
when I say "you" I mean, without popular opinion, peer pressure, the appearance of what your actions may say to others "on the outside looking in", but how you feel to your Core, in the eye of God...
or better yet, have/do you ever study what God says about you? His promises to you and others who love, trust and obey His word?
Out of My Rearview: March 11- 16, 2013
Typically, i don't read my horoscope until the day is over. I recall during my "Great Depression", I'd read it daily and by the last sentence/word I was so upset because my life and the words expressed were extremely different. I felt as if reading it was a joke and/or a waste of time. I figured "whose life is that 'pretty' (for lack of a better word)?" I don't know if it was my skepticism that my life could be the way it was expressed in these words or if I it was the low energy in which I dwelled that kept me from believing it were possible. Or perhaps a combination of the two.
Once I began to change my energy, I noticed my life and my horoscope were beginning to align themselves and I found a peace in seeing confirmation (a pat on the back or "good job" so to speak) and I depended on it (my horoscope) less and less. I began to turn to my Bible (the actual book as well as the mobile app), prayer and meditation instead, only checking my horoscope occasionally.
As I gather my thoughts and prayers, meditating for guidance regarding the direction the day should take I decided to take a look at my Daily Horoscope app and found the words quite interesting. Out of curiosity, I went backwards, day by day until I arrived at Monday to see how "the stars" said my week started. To my surprise it was accurate, each day. I even got an explanation on why "my" approach with a certain individual had changed. For weeks, possibly even months I'd handle things differently with this person, not expecting them to change, but because I "knew better" so there was no way not to "do better". I feel as if the remaining thoughts should be reserved for a post of their own, so I will be obedient.
Mar, 11, 2013
The universe wants only the best for you, Capricorn (Kamille). Yes, you heard it right! The powers that be want you to be happy, loved, joy-filled, inspired, and successful. You are destined to live an abundant and fulfilling life. So what's stopping you? If you aren't happy with where you are right now, you are wrong to assume that's your fate. Free yourself from fears like this, and rise above yourself to see that your true fate is to fulfill yourself by following your heart and knowing that you are special and you are loved.
Mar, 12, 2013
There is someone you want to get to know, or someone you should get to know because a relationship will offer you a richer life. You may be busy trying to impress this person by showing off your own unique skills and talents. But if you really want to get closer to this individual, you would be better off learning more about him or her. Become an explorer of this person's soul. Learn about hobbies, interests, accomplishments. Ask questions. And really listen. If you take the time to show interest, it will be reciprocated many times over.
Mar, 13, 2013
In a good debate, each side rationally and reasonably presents its perspective. The goal is to fully explore each team's viewpoint. That should be the case with every argument or conflict you ever have. You may now be dealing with someone who has a dramatically different view of a situation you share. But if you just argue your points with conviction - without being respectful of the other person's beliefs and without fully expressing you reasoning - you might as well just give up. Be courteous and fair. You may find you two agree on more than you realized.
Mar, 14, 2013
Good karma you earned over the last few months will suddenly shower you with blessings in the next few days. Don't doubt for a moment that you deserve it, Capricorn (Kamille). You will find that people will be more accommodating and any challenges you've faced recently will begin to resolve. If there is something special you want to manifest in your life, this is an excellent time to focus on it. You should also be treated affectionately by those who care about you, for they'll want to show you just how treasured you are.
Mar, 15, 2013
You have a perception of someone in your social circle that does not jive with the perception of others. Your viewpoint may not be very popular. It isn't convenient. But that doesn't change how you feel. But rather than trying to convince other people that you are right and they are wrong, let nature take its course. Time always tells the truth, Capricorn (Kamille), and this situation will be no different. If you express how you feel but don't push anyone else toward your opinion, you will earn lasting respect.
Mar, 16, 2013
In the old fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea," a girl's royalty was tested in a rather unique way. She was given a bed to sleep on that was many mattresses high. Underneath the bottom mattress a pea was placed. If she slept soundly, then she would be declared a phony - not a member of the royal family. But if she tossed and turned, she would be deemed the real thing. You are being tested now in a way, Capricorn (Kamille). But hopefully you will endure the "pea" that is annoying you and prove your mettle through your stamina and your tolerance.
~~~~~~~~~~
(March 16, 2013 thoughts, reflection, revelation) To be continued...
--
Copyright (c) The DailyHoroscope by Comitic
http://bit.ly/DHmobile
Once I began to change my energy, I noticed my life and my horoscope were beginning to align themselves and I found a peace in seeing confirmation (a pat on the back or "good job" so to speak) and I depended on it (my horoscope) less and less. I began to turn to my Bible (the actual book as well as the mobile app), prayer and meditation instead, only checking my horoscope occasionally.
As I gather my thoughts and prayers, meditating for guidance regarding the direction the day should take I decided to take a look at my Daily Horoscope app and found the words quite interesting. Out of curiosity, I went backwards, day by day until I arrived at Monday to see how "the stars" said my week started. To my surprise it was accurate, each day. I even got an explanation on why "my" approach with a certain individual had changed. For weeks, possibly even months I'd handle things differently with this person, not expecting them to change, but because I "knew better" so there was no way not to "do better". I feel as if the remaining thoughts should be reserved for a post of their own, so I will be obedient.
Mar, 11, 2013
The universe wants only the best for you, Capricorn (Kamille). Yes, you heard it right! The powers that be want you to be happy, loved, joy-filled, inspired, and successful. You are destined to live an abundant and fulfilling life. So what's stopping you? If you aren't happy with where you are right now, you are wrong to assume that's your fate. Free yourself from fears like this, and rise above yourself to see that your true fate is to fulfill yourself by following your heart and knowing that you are special and you are loved.
Mar, 12, 2013
There is someone you want to get to know, or someone you should get to know because a relationship will offer you a richer life. You may be busy trying to impress this person by showing off your own unique skills and talents. But if you really want to get closer to this individual, you would be better off learning more about him or her. Become an explorer of this person's soul. Learn about hobbies, interests, accomplishments. Ask questions. And really listen. If you take the time to show interest, it will be reciprocated many times over.
Mar, 13, 2013
In a good debate, each side rationally and reasonably presents its perspective. The goal is to fully explore each team's viewpoint. That should be the case with every argument or conflict you ever have. You may now be dealing with someone who has a dramatically different view of a situation you share. But if you just argue your points with conviction - without being respectful of the other person's beliefs and without fully expressing you reasoning - you might as well just give up. Be courteous and fair. You may find you two agree on more than you realized.
Mar, 14, 2013
Good karma you earned over the last few months will suddenly shower you with blessings in the next few days. Don't doubt for a moment that you deserve it, Capricorn (Kamille). You will find that people will be more accommodating and any challenges you've faced recently will begin to resolve. If there is something special you want to manifest in your life, this is an excellent time to focus on it. You should also be treated affectionately by those who care about you, for they'll want to show you just how treasured you are.
Mar, 15, 2013
You have a perception of someone in your social circle that does not jive with the perception of others. Your viewpoint may not be very popular. It isn't convenient. But that doesn't change how you feel. But rather than trying to convince other people that you are right and they are wrong, let nature take its course. Time always tells the truth, Capricorn (Kamille), and this situation will be no different. If you express how you feel but don't push anyone else toward your opinion, you will earn lasting respect.
Mar, 16, 2013
In the old fairy tale "The Princess and the Pea," a girl's royalty was tested in a rather unique way. She was given a bed to sleep on that was many mattresses high. Underneath the bottom mattress a pea was placed. If she slept soundly, then she would be declared a phony - not a member of the royal family. But if she tossed and turned, she would be deemed the real thing. You are being tested now in a way, Capricorn (Kamille). But hopefully you will endure the "pea" that is annoying you and prove your mettle through your stamina and your tolerance.
~~~~~~~~~~
(March 16, 2013 thoughts, reflection, revelation) To be continued...
--
Copyright (c) The DailyHoroscope by Comitic
http://bit.ly/DHmobile
Viva Las Vegas!
I don't recall how old I was, whatever age you are when you begin the 9th grade. For some stupid reason there was a change in the School System stretching the grades in Elementary, Middle and High School. I felt as if it were premature and the students (myself) wasn't quite ready to be thrown into High School. In my mind, proper development is a major factor when it comes to maturity and abilities. I was barely getting accustomed to Middle School life and all of its changes, then BAM, get ready for High School a year early -insert petrified face here- I complained, but nothing changed, so I learned to keep my complaints to myself.
It's inevitable, High School is happening and there's nothing I could do about it. Randomly I am contacted by my Aunt who informs me that her Husband would come to town and help me prepare. She states that he'd take me shopping for school clothes and possibly lunch. I believe she also instructed me to inquire about the spending limit up front. That way my eyes aren't bigger than my limit and I'm not disappointed or expecting more than what he was willing to contribute. He arrives and is extremely nice, I'd never met anyone in person who was that nice to me. Initially I was speechless, he began by asking questions and finding out who I was, he asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. If I'm not mistaken, no one had ever actually asked me that before.
#Fun #Fact: I always have my guard up, since I was a child, with everyone. It gets lowered as trust is established, however it rises when the trust, loyalty, etc shows signs of weakness. So i observe and share when i feel like I'm ready, typically I don't volunteer information, if you want to know something, ask me directly. If its none of your business or i'd rather not share, I've learned how to let you know (as nicely as i possibly can). I try not to be a burden on people, I've felt that way for much of my life, so I developed this motto, "I'll figure it out" and I usually do (sometimes the hard way). However, if i don't know something i have learned to first research, then ask questions. Trouble is, a lot of people tend to hoard information, as if sharing what they know will somehow diminish or they honestly don't know and possibly chose not to bother finding out. Thankfully, you have those who happily give their knowledge without the invisible strings attached. Okay, back to the story...
I felt in my heart that I was safe, up until that point I'd rarely felt that. I understood in that moment it was best that I "open up" and share my thoughts honestly. I went on and on about my goals and dreams; and I truly felt supported. No different than when I spent time with my Aunt. She'd come to town and I'd be her co-pilot, she'd even allow me to back the car out and drive short distances at a very young age. I felt as if the nurturing, care and concern was extended to me in the same manner as they gave to their children.
It was actually during the conversation with my Uncle, I mentioned how much I hated my first name. I expressed to him the fact that I no longer identify with who that name represents. The main reason I dislike it is because of the prejudice associated with it, many people don't even try to pronounce it correctly, so I spend unnecessary time, effort and energy correcting people on something as simple/basic as my name. There's some who compliment it and say how "beautiful" it is while the majority assume that I am "ghetto" and a bunch of other things they'd dare not say to my face. I've also noticed, some say it as a form of harassment, as if they know its a button to push and they're dying to find out what happens if I really get "turnt up". I am not her and she is not me. It was in that conversation "Kamille" was embraced. He shared with me the thought that I could be whomever I decided to be, and not to allow anyone to tell me differently. I left his presence and knew I'd never be the same.
On our shopping spree I purchased clothes that said I was serious about my future with a couple of "fun" pieces for the inner child to be happy. I'm on cloud 9, replaying this blissful day over and over in my mind. That was until I returned to my reality... Everyone questioned my purchases and said they were "too dressy" just to go to school. While the name issue was a whole other beast. Some refused to honor my request, some still don't to this day and that was what? 20 years since my initial request. Eventually, it was clear to me, "Kamille doesn't belong here". So I found ways to escape this depressing life that seemed to go nowhere except to repeat what those around me had done. Not to say that they did anything "bad" or "wrong", it was just that their idea of "making it" or "good enough" was/is vastly different from mine. Kind of like the whole "started from the bottom" mentality.
#MyTwoSense: Some people really believe that they've arrived prematurely. I know the direction that I'd like to see my life take, however I know the direction that is ordained for me is far greater than I could "ask or think" (see Ephesians 3:20 and 1 Corinthians 2:9). So I strive to learn daily, I've always been "in my head" and I over-analyze so I must figure things out, starting with myself. The day I'll believe I've "arrived" should be the day I leave this Earth for good, as @oprah says "I want to leave here saying 'I did that thing'" or the song "I was here" by @beyonce. I just believe if I've gotten to the point that I've learned, shared and done everything I am placed here to do, it's time for me to go not run around announcing my "arrival" (see Matthew 25: 1-30).
Let's fast forward about hmmm 2 or 3 years, so I'm just getting by, school is a bore and means nothing to me. So I'd go to breakfast with a friend or two, then we'd set off to explore the city, hit the beach or chill at someone's house. It was relaxing and we'd find new things to learn and/or experience. So I found happiness in the hours spent at my real school, Life.
For whatever reason, I come to the conclusion that my antics won't lead to graduation, I had an "after-school" job at a hair salon so in my mind, I was okay for now, then what? I decided to get my shit together, I'd began attending my classes and even started going on Saturday's. I'm focused, determined to succeed, then what? Drama of course -insert classic sigh & eye roll combo-
One evening I'm home, chilling in the living room. In walks my cousin who is upset about something and unnecessarily starts talking to me disrespectfully. I began with care and concern to get him to calm down, when that didn't work my mouth took over, and I said whatever I felt like I wanted to say. Here's the trouble with that "I say how I feel and they just better accept it" mindset, it leaves room for the recipient of your "verbal abuse" to up the ante, now it's the game of who's crazier. Well, he pulled a gun on me (true story). What did I do? Of course I kept talking O_o (talk about someone not knowing when to quit smh yet I still haven't mastered that, I've learned it in words, but not in actions). So once the word is out, I'm forced to move with my Aunt in Las Vegas.
To my surprise I feel like a new person, I recognize that I was happy. I'd arrive to school early and began receiving "A's" again! I made new friends and even got a part-time job. If I'm not mistaken I was embraced as "Kamille" everywhere I went, because that's who I introduced myself as. I am a firm believer in addressing people accordingly; for example if I continue to address someone as "stupid", "ugly", "bitch", "ni**a", etc eventually that's what they will answer to; even worse, that may be who they will become. You know the saying "I created a monster"? Welp.... Words are more powerful than many truly believe, which is why, if a person asks that you address them a certain way, or refrain from calling them certain "names" it would be in your best interest to do so, before you wake the monster you may not be equip to handle. I digress.
So now I'm feeling good, family situation is lovely, grades are back to MY normal, money in the bank, oh, and i'd gotten accepted into some program at school (i don't recall the details, i just remember being elated when i received the call), but my boo was still in LA. I'd invite friends as well as my boyfriend to come visit me, yet for some reason I'd always have to come to LA if I wanted to spend time with them. So I'd frequently buy a ticket and fly in for the weekend, I feel as if its the best of both worlds. I guess I was 16 or 17 at the time so to say things were perfect would be an understatement. I'm sure you can guess what happens next? Yep, drama!
Without going into detail I return to LA and this time I move in with my Dad.... lol let the games begin.
It's inevitable, High School is happening and there's nothing I could do about it. Randomly I am contacted by my Aunt who informs me that her Husband would come to town and help me prepare. She states that he'd take me shopping for school clothes and possibly lunch. I believe she also instructed me to inquire about the spending limit up front. That way my eyes aren't bigger than my limit and I'm not disappointed or expecting more than what he was willing to contribute. He arrives and is extremely nice, I'd never met anyone in person who was that nice to me. Initially I was speechless, he began by asking questions and finding out who I was, he asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. If I'm not mistaken, no one had ever actually asked me that before.
#Fun #Fact: I always have my guard up, since I was a child, with everyone. It gets lowered as trust is established, however it rises when the trust, loyalty, etc shows signs of weakness. So i observe and share when i feel like I'm ready, typically I don't volunteer information, if you want to know something, ask me directly. If its none of your business or i'd rather not share, I've learned how to let you know (as nicely as i possibly can). I try not to be a burden on people, I've felt that way for much of my life, so I developed this motto, "I'll figure it out" and I usually do (sometimes the hard way). However, if i don't know something i have learned to first research, then ask questions. Trouble is, a lot of people tend to hoard information, as if sharing what they know will somehow diminish or they honestly don't know and possibly chose not to bother finding out. Thankfully, you have those who happily give their knowledge without the invisible strings attached. Okay, back to the story...
I felt in my heart that I was safe, up until that point I'd rarely felt that. I understood in that moment it was best that I "open up" and share my thoughts honestly. I went on and on about my goals and dreams; and I truly felt supported. No different than when I spent time with my Aunt. She'd come to town and I'd be her co-pilot, she'd even allow me to back the car out and drive short distances at a very young age. I felt as if the nurturing, care and concern was extended to me in the same manner as they gave to their children.
It was actually during the conversation with my Uncle, I mentioned how much I hated my first name. I expressed to him the fact that I no longer identify with who that name represents. The main reason I dislike it is because of the prejudice associated with it, many people don't even try to pronounce it correctly, so I spend unnecessary time, effort and energy correcting people on something as simple/basic as my name. There's some who compliment it and say how "beautiful" it is while the majority assume that I am "ghetto" and a bunch of other things they'd dare not say to my face. I've also noticed, some say it as a form of harassment, as if they know its a button to push and they're dying to find out what happens if I really get "turnt up". I am not her and she is not me. It was in that conversation "Kamille" was embraced. He shared with me the thought that I could be whomever I decided to be, and not to allow anyone to tell me differently. I left his presence and knew I'd never be the same.
On our shopping spree I purchased clothes that said I was serious about my future with a couple of "fun" pieces for the inner child to be happy. I'm on cloud 9, replaying this blissful day over and over in my mind. That was until I returned to my reality... Everyone questioned my purchases and said they were "too dressy" just to go to school. While the name issue was a whole other beast. Some refused to honor my request, some still don't to this day and that was what? 20 years since my initial request. Eventually, it was clear to me, "Kamille doesn't belong here". So I found ways to escape this depressing life that seemed to go nowhere except to repeat what those around me had done. Not to say that they did anything "bad" or "wrong", it was just that their idea of "making it" or "good enough" was/is vastly different from mine. Kind of like the whole "started from the bottom" mentality.
#MyTwoSense: Some people really believe that they've arrived prematurely. I know the direction that I'd like to see my life take, however I know the direction that is ordained for me is far greater than I could "ask or think" (see Ephesians 3:20 and 1 Corinthians 2:9). So I strive to learn daily, I've always been "in my head" and I over-analyze so I must figure things out, starting with myself. The day I'll believe I've "arrived" should be the day I leave this Earth for good, as @oprah says "I want to leave here saying 'I did that thing'" or the song "I was here" by @beyonce. I just believe if I've gotten to the point that I've learned, shared and done everything I am placed here to do, it's time for me to go not run around announcing my "arrival" (see Matthew 25: 1-30).
Let's fast forward about hmmm 2 or 3 years, so I'm just getting by, school is a bore and means nothing to me. So I'd go to breakfast with a friend or two, then we'd set off to explore the city, hit the beach or chill at someone's house. It was relaxing and we'd find new things to learn and/or experience. So I found happiness in the hours spent at my real school, Life.
For whatever reason, I come to the conclusion that my antics won't lead to graduation, I had an "after-school" job at a hair salon so in my mind, I was okay for now, then what? I decided to get my shit together, I'd began attending my classes and even started going on Saturday's. I'm focused, determined to succeed, then what? Drama of course -insert classic sigh & eye roll combo-
One evening I'm home, chilling in the living room. In walks my cousin who is upset about something and unnecessarily starts talking to me disrespectfully. I began with care and concern to get him to calm down, when that didn't work my mouth took over, and I said whatever I felt like I wanted to say. Here's the trouble with that "I say how I feel and they just better accept it" mindset, it leaves room for the recipient of your "verbal abuse" to up the ante, now it's the game of who's crazier. Well, he pulled a gun on me (true story). What did I do? Of course I kept talking O_o (talk about someone not knowing when to quit smh yet I still haven't mastered that, I've learned it in words, but not in actions). So once the word is out, I'm forced to move with my Aunt in Las Vegas.
To my surprise I feel like a new person, I recognize that I was happy. I'd arrive to school early and began receiving "A's" again! I made new friends and even got a part-time job. If I'm not mistaken I was embraced as "Kamille" everywhere I went, because that's who I introduced myself as. I am a firm believer in addressing people accordingly; for example if I continue to address someone as "stupid", "ugly", "bitch", "ni**a", etc eventually that's what they will answer to; even worse, that may be who they will become. You know the saying "I created a monster"? Welp.... Words are more powerful than many truly believe, which is why, if a person asks that you address them a certain way, or refrain from calling them certain "names" it would be in your best interest to do so, before you wake the monster you may not be equip to handle. I digress.
So now I'm feeling good, family situation is lovely, grades are back to MY normal, money in the bank, oh, and i'd gotten accepted into some program at school (i don't recall the details, i just remember being elated when i received the call), but my boo was still in LA. I'd invite friends as well as my boyfriend to come visit me, yet for some reason I'd always have to come to LA if I wanted to spend time with them. So I'd frequently buy a ticket and fly in for the weekend, I feel as if its the best of both worlds. I guess I was 16 or 17 at the time so to say things were perfect would be an understatement. I'm sure you can guess what happens next? Yep, drama!
Without going into detail I return to LA and this time I move in with my Dad.... lol let the games begin.
Vampires Are Real...
I know, only in fables and movies, right? WRONG! Vampires come in many disguises, here's a not so common fact: they aren't necessarily after "blood".
You ever spend time with someone/people and by the time you part ways you are drained? Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and/or Financially? If the answer is "yes", you my friend have fallen victim to a Vampire's bite.
For some this may seem hopeless, but I'm here to remind you of one very important thing: Vampires, in their own way are usually ladies/gentleman, so they must be invited into your pocket, heart, thoughts, home and life. So stop inviting them OR disinvite them from your space. Simple? It really is. Trouble comes when certain circumstances are beyond your control. In those cases, I advise to be courteous however just as places of recreation and business "have the right to refuse service".
Typically I try to keep my mouth shut, i bite my tongue A LOT. i believe certain things should "go unsaid". However the challenge comes in when the obvious goes undone and the words MUST be said, that's usually my last resort. Mainly because it doesn't come out nicely, the "bossy", "controlling", "Devil Wears Prada" chick comes out and she's a Fuq'n Bitch, so i try my very best to defuse the situation before she takes over. Here's the part I must learn to understand: don't allow things to linger, to the point your "blood is boiling" and now you're about to explode on the next person who speaks in an unpleasant tone or gives you a "side-eye".
As this migraine finds strength, the neighbors new dog is trying my patience. It's been whining for #3 weeks now, banging and scratching on the door or whatever. Even worse, I feel as if its always there, alone or just pushed away so it's not a nuisance to its owner. On the flip side, the owner's neglect (a form of abuse) has become a nuisance to me. I've tried to endure it, I've complained, but since clearly I'm the only one bothered by it no one cares and nothing has been done.
Now IF/when I blow up, then everyone's gonna look at me as if I'm the crazy one. It's like "damned if I do; damned if I don't", but wtf?!? if I don't come to my own rescue these damn people and dog will suck me dry. How can you be nice, polite, generous, helpful, welcoming when you rarely receive those things (freely) from others. When it only comes with strings attached or out of guilt? I will be honest, I'm fed up.
I need a break! I try to be accommodating, I keep to myself, I actually prefer to be in my own company. I know this is perceived a certain way, and that's fine, by no means am I implying that I am perfect. Yet, I feel some things are "general principles" and should be taken care of without a conversation, or drama. And to be extremely honest, I don't feel as if that's unreasonable.
Thoughts?
You ever spend time with someone/people and by the time you part ways you are drained? Mentally, Physically, Emotionally and/or Financially? If the answer is "yes", you my friend have fallen victim to a Vampire's bite.
For some this may seem hopeless, but I'm here to remind you of one very important thing: Vampires, in their own way are usually ladies/gentleman, so they must be invited into your pocket, heart, thoughts, home and life. So stop inviting them OR disinvite them from your space. Simple? It really is. Trouble comes when certain circumstances are beyond your control. In those cases, I advise to be courteous however just as places of recreation and business "have the right to refuse service".
Typically I try to keep my mouth shut, i bite my tongue A LOT. i believe certain things should "go unsaid". However the challenge comes in when the obvious goes undone and the words MUST be said, that's usually my last resort. Mainly because it doesn't come out nicely, the "bossy", "controlling", "Devil Wears Prada" chick comes out and she's a Fuq'n Bitch, so i try my very best to defuse the situation before she takes over. Here's the part I must learn to understand: don't allow things to linger, to the point your "blood is boiling" and now you're about to explode on the next person who speaks in an unpleasant tone or gives you a "side-eye".
As this migraine finds strength, the neighbors new dog is trying my patience. It's been whining for #3 weeks now, banging and scratching on the door or whatever. Even worse, I feel as if its always there, alone or just pushed away so it's not a nuisance to its owner. On the flip side, the owner's neglect (a form of abuse) has become a nuisance to me. I've tried to endure it, I've complained, but since clearly I'm the only one bothered by it no one cares and nothing has been done.
Now IF/when I blow up, then everyone's gonna look at me as if I'm the crazy one. It's like "damned if I do; damned if I don't", but wtf?!? if I don't come to my own rescue these damn people and dog will suck me dry. How can you be nice, polite, generous, helpful, welcoming when you rarely receive those things (freely) from others. When it only comes with strings attached or out of guilt? I will be honest, I'm fed up.
I need a break! I try to be accommodating, I keep to myself, I actually prefer to be in my own company. I know this is perceived a certain way, and that's fine, by no means am I implying that I am perfect. Yet, I feel some things are "general principles" and should be taken care of without a conversation, or drama. And to be extremely honest, I don't feel as if that's unreasonable.
Thoughts?
"These are my confessions"
I need to work at "getting to the point", honestly I believe that's for casual relationships. However, in business and/or personal relationships you should enjoy sharing the details. Improper sharing may result in casualties, oftentimes at your own expense (is that a coincidence?).
I believe presentation is extremely important. To the point, if a dish isn't visually appealing, I can't eat it. Some will say, "that's unreasonable", I agree to disagree and move on to the next thing. Yet, I can be unreasonable with other things. I don't always recognize it so I usually asks randumbly. I've learned, or so it seems, when I have to ask if I'm being unreasonable, oftentimes it's because I am.
Here's a weird, fun fact: I consider #Insomnia to be one of my best friends. We met during my first pregnancy. I had a job, full schedule of classes and I was becoming a single mother (and I hated kids, smh)... I couldn't figure out how I'd manage and I would tell myself (pray), "you've gotta figure out a way to make all of this work or I don't know what I'll do". Gradually I noticed I was sleeping less, at times not at all. It became my study partner and before I knew it, we were inseparable. It keeps me on my toes and at times informs me of opportunities while others are sleeping; however now that Anxiety barged into the circle, things aren't quite the same. Insomnia and I are out of sync, and I want it back how it was. For example, in an attempt to get rid of Anxiety (unwanted "guests" are THEE worst!) coupled with the excitement of The Sabbath, I decided to take a bath and wash my hair. It's about 3am which is the perfect time for meditation, devotion, prayer, etc. i feel as if the world is almost silent and the space of love and peace gently fills the room. It's absolutely magical.
Now it's about 5:30am and I'm finally allowing the water to drain from my tub, judge if you want, #MermaidProblems. In my mind it would be inconsiderate to begin blow drying "my" hair, so I take a moment and pray. Up until now, I've only shared this with a handful of people, I realize how insensitive adults can be so I rarely share intimate details about myself. With that said, I hope it's a bit easier to understand the delay in posts, however I am learning how to share and striving to do better. Okay, back to the point, I developed eczema as a result of this Anxiety Disorder, as the stressors of life increases the eczema spreads. Well, it's now in my scalp attempting to attack MY hair. Most days I'm okay with this reality, other times, not so much. This is the type of stuff I prefer to keep to myself. I figure , I don't like to complain, no one cares and some will just "wish" it got worse for me. We all know the type lmao.
So now it's about 7am and I figure that's a reasonable time to complete my tasks. I then have a thought, "if you finish your hair in time you could hike before church". I entertained it for a minute or two, I even thought of a FB post requesting prayer that I don't "overdo it", I then thought of taking a nap, which lead to the thought "quit playin', you'll oversleep, won't wake up in time then blame Insomnia for keeping you up all night/morning". So it's now a little after 8:15am and I've already taken a bath, washed, conditioned and blow dried my hair, cleaned my bathroom and typed this post on my phone.
As the scripture states, "forsake not the assembling of yourselves..." and sense I understand "obedience is better than sacrifice" I'm going to set my alarm, say my prayers and take this nap so I can be refreshed and renewed for everything God has for me as I praise, worship and fellowship today.
I pray we all make it to our appointed destinations safe and soundly, protected from all dangers (seen and unseen), I pray The Lord comforts minds and hearts, I pray for understanding, knowledge, love, peace, respect and truth to touch every person who desires "a closer walk with Thee", I pray these words prick a heart and allows the love of The Most High to come in. All of these things I pray in Jesus name, Amen!
Namasté
I believe presentation is extremely important. To the point, if a dish isn't visually appealing, I can't eat it. Some will say, "that's unreasonable", I agree to disagree and move on to the next thing. Yet, I can be unreasonable with other things. I don't always recognize it so I usually asks randumbly. I've learned, or so it seems, when I have to ask if I'm being unreasonable, oftentimes it's because I am.
Here's a weird, fun fact: I consider #Insomnia to be one of my best friends. We met during my first pregnancy. I had a job, full schedule of classes and I was becoming a single mother (and I hated kids, smh)... I couldn't figure out how I'd manage and I would tell myself (pray), "you've gotta figure out a way to make all of this work or I don't know what I'll do". Gradually I noticed I was sleeping less, at times not at all. It became my study partner and before I knew it, we were inseparable. It keeps me on my toes and at times informs me of opportunities while others are sleeping; however now that Anxiety barged into the circle, things aren't quite the same. Insomnia and I are out of sync, and I want it back how it was. For example, in an attempt to get rid of Anxiety (unwanted "guests" are THEE worst!) coupled with the excitement of The Sabbath, I decided to take a bath and wash my hair. It's about 3am which is the perfect time for meditation, devotion, prayer, etc. i feel as if the world is almost silent and the space of love and peace gently fills the room. It's absolutely magical.
Now it's about 5:30am and I'm finally allowing the water to drain from my tub, judge if you want, #MermaidProblems. In my mind it would be inconsiderate to begin blow drying "my" hair, so I take a moment and pray. Up until now, I've only shared this with a handful of people, I realize how insensitive adults can be so I rarely share intimate details about myself. With that said, I hope it's a bit easier to understand the delay in posts, however I am learning how to share and striving to do better. Okay, back to the point, I developed eczema as a result of this Anxiety Disorder, as the stressors of life increases the eczema spreads. Well, it's now in my scalp attempting to attack MY hair. Most days I'm okay with this reality, other times, not so much. This is the type of stuff I prefer to keep to myself. I figure , I don't like to complain, no one cares and some will just "wish" it got worse for me. We all know the type lmao.
So now it's about 7am and I figure that's a reasonable time to complete my tasks. I then have a thought, "if you finish your hair in time you could hike before church". I entertained it for a minute or two, I even thought of a FB post requesting prayer that I don't "overdo it", I then thought of taking a nap, which lead to the thought "quit playin', you'll oversleep, won't wake up in time then blame Insomnia for keeping you up all night/morning". So it's now a little after 8:15am and I've already taken a bath, washed, conditioned and blow dried my hair, cleaned my bathroom and typed this post on my phone.
As the scripture states, "forsake not the assembling of yourselves..." and sense I understand "obedience is better than sacrifice" I'm going to set my alarm, say my prayers and take this nap so I can be refreshed and renewed for everything God has for me as I praise, worship and fellowship today.
I pray we all make it to our appointed destinations safe and soundly, protected from all dangers (seen and unseen), I pray The Lord comforts minds and hearts, I pray for understanding, knowledge, love, peace, respect and truth to touch every person who desires "a closer walk with Thee", I pray these words prick a heart and allows the love of The Most High to come in. All of these things I pray in Jesus name, Amen!
Namasté
Don't Judge (A Book & It's Cover)
I can be an impulse shopper, but only with the things that allow it without major repercussions. Such as wine, if the bottle and/or label is "pretty" or things that smell "good" that's my choice; I figure I want to be surrounded by pretty things that smell good. Win/Win! However if I'm purchasing electronics or something more technical, I research brands, trends as well as poll friends for their opinion. Funny thing though, I'm often told "that's not how you do that!" Or simply "that's wrong" with no insight on what's "right" or the appropriate way to choose wine or the like. Even funnier, my choices always seem to work out (For Me) when I make the selection that way. It's as if I've made a connection and it becomes "mine".
Here's a fun fact about me, I am extremely territorial and possessive. I try to keep it a secret, but those who've managed to occupy a particular space in my heart seem to be the ones to discover this. On the flip side, I developed a way to shut it off while I am in someone else's territory. You know the saying, "when in Rome, do as the Roman's do"? I don't impose my ways on others however people seem to know what I'm doing wrong (everything) and how "stupid" I REALLY am lmao. It used to amaze me when people would get to know me and say "you're not at all how I thought (or heard) you'd be". For years I'd ask, "well what did you hear?" And they never respond (honestly), which is fine. I prefer not to bother with gossip, even if its about me. Now I don't even respond to that, take the assumptions and run along with them to anyone who'll listen. Sad thing is, they never realize the joke's on them.
Typically I don't like to explain myself, especially to adults. So I'd keep things shallow or superficial, which works perfectly (for me). Now the other person assumes that I ONLY care about my weave, shoes, bags & other "Girly" things. Then they sum me up as being "dumb, careless, irresponsible, lonely and a host of others" truth is I don't see any problem with this, because it proves to me that you have no interest in getting to know who I am. Which is fine.
The crazy part comes when they assume that I'm not fine with it. I remember a time when I'd hold on to every friend I came across, I thought they were supposed to be in my life forever, so I'd accept anything just to say "my friend ______" after realizing how unhealthy and unhappy that dynamic was/is, I went all the way left. Yep, I burn bridges. At the first sight of disloyalty, unreliability or any other behavior I deemed harmful to me. I remember a certain person yelling at me "there's no in between with you! Why does everything have to be all or nothing?" I simply replied, because "I give my all and if I'm not willing to give my all there's no point giving half or minimum efforts." I truly believe that, in life (professional as well as personal), he then decided to inform me that I must be bi-polar because no one operates at such extremes.... -sigh- I said "you're right" and proceeded to delete his information from my phone and email address book. I try not to burn bridges these days, which has been a major challenge for me.
I find it interesting how judgmental people can be. For example, I love hiking at Runyon Canyon (Los Angeles, California) and typically when I go idgaf how I look (for the most part) I'm here to sweat and exercise, not "be cute" or "hook up" so I'm out on the path and I have this annoying habit of making eye contact and speaking to people who pass me. Crazy, I know. Typically a good chunk of the people respond, however the other day I went out with my "crew" and since they are teenagers I understand, appearance matters, so I put forth an effort to look better on the hike (hair down, lip gloss poppin', curves on display). We go out at our usual time and no one speaks to me, I said "Good Morning" at least a hundred times and MAYBE got one or two in return. The very next day, I'm back to the ponytail & "Chapstick", but the style of dress was the same, now they speak back. You wont believe who were THEE worst offenders O_o
Black women.....
I remember years ago MTV had some show about Celebrity's and the slogan was something like, "you think you know, but you have no idea". It's so true, people will assume, doubt, jump to conclusions (I was a master at that one), lie or whatever they deem necessary to have you "figured out" even if the way they figure is inaccurate. There are no shortcuts in life, okay wait.... There are shortcuts, however they don't lead to success. The short cuts lead to drama, struggle, unhappiness, false starts and confusion. Anything worthwhile, in faith, family and/or business takes time, effort, care, concern, an open mind & heart, knowledge, understanding and nurturing (to list a few).
I guess my point is, judging may be the shortcut stealing the life, success and relationships you have always dreamt of. What do you think will happen if we asked a question to gain clarity as opposed to assuming we already know the answer? What if we provided honest answers? What if we understood what is acceptable to ask vs. what is truly none of our business? What if we considered the other persons position before running with our prejudice?
My cover changes daily, yet the book remains the same (of course with revision and correction with each new edition). iPray that's true for everyone however I can't assume (although I still do at times and it leaves me sad and/ or disappointed) I'm still working on that part. But I strive to do better, iPray the same for you as you read these words.
Namasté
Here's a fun fact about me, I am extremely territorial and possessive. I try to keep it a secret, but those who've managed to occupy a particular space in my heart seem to be the ones to discover this. On the flip side, I developed a way to shut it off while I am in someone else's territory. You know the saying, "when in Rome, do as the Roman's do"? I don't impose my ways on others however people seem to know what I'm doing wrong (everything) and how "stupid" I REALLY am lmao. It used to amaze me when people would get to know me and say "you're not at all how I thought (or heard) you'd be". For years I'd ask, "well what did you hear?" And they never respond (honestly), which is fine. I prefer not to bother with gossip, even if its about me. Now I don't even respond to that, take the assumptions and run along with them to anyone who'll listen. Sad thing is, they never realize the joke's on them.
Typically I don't like to explain myself, especially to adults. So I'd keep things shallow or superficial, which works perfectly (for me). Now the other person assumes that I ONLY care about my weave, shoes, bags & other "Girly" things. Then they sum me up as being "dumb, careless, irresponsible, lonely and a host of others" truth is I don't see any problem with this, because it proves to me that you have no interest in getting to know who I am. Which is fine.
The crazy part comes when they assume that I'm not fine with it. I remember a time when I'd hold on to every friend I came across, I thought they were supposed to be in my life forever, so I'd accept anything just to say "my friend ______" after realizing how unhealthy and unhappy that dynamic was/is, I went all the way left. Yep, I burn bridges. At the first sight of disloyalty, unreliability or any other behavior I deemed harmful to me. I remember a certain person yelling at me "there's no in between with you! Why does everything have to be all or nothing?" I simply replied, because "I give my all and if I'm not willing to give my all there's no point giving half or minimum efforts." I truly believe that, in life (professional as well as personal), he then decided to inform me that I must be bi-polar because no one operates at such extremes.... -sigh- I said "you're right" and proceeded to delete his information from my phone and email address book. I try not to burn bridges these days, which has been a major challenge for me.
I find it interesting how judgmental people can be. For example, I love hiking at Runyon Canyon (Los Angeles, California) and typically when I go idgaf how I look (for the most part) I'm here to sweat and exercise, not "be cute" or "hook up" so I'm out on the path and I have this annoying habit of making eye contact and speaking to people who pass me. Crazy, I know. Typically a good chunk of the people respond, however the other day I went out with my "crew" and since they are teenagers I understand, appearance matters, so I put forth an effort to look better on the hike (hair down, lip gloss poppin', curves on display). We go out at our usual time and no one speaks to me, I said "Good Morning" at least a hundred times and MAYBE got one or two in return. The very next day, I'm back to the ponytail & "Chapstick", but the style of dress was the same, now they speak back. You wont believe who were THEE worst offenders O_o
Black women.....
I remember years ago MTV had some show about Celebrity's and the slogan was something like, "you think you know, but you have no idea". It's so true, people will assume, doubt, jump to conclusions (I was a master at that one), lie or whatever they deem necessary to have you "figured out" even if the way they figure is inaccurate. There are no shortcuts in life, okay wait.... There are shortcuts, however they don't lead to success. The short cuts lead to drama, struggle, unhappiness, false starts and confusion. Anything worthwhile, in faith, family and/or business takes time, effort, care, concern, an open mind & heart, knowledge, understanding and nurturing (to list a few).
I guess my point is, judging may be the shortcut stealing the life, success and relationships you have always dreamt of. What do you think will happen if we asked a question to gain clarity as opposed to assuming we already know the answer? What if we provided honest answers? What if we understood what is acceptable to ask vs. what is truly none of our business? What if we considered the other persons position before running with our prejudice?
My cover changes daily, yet the book remains the same (of course with revision and correction with each new edition). iPray that's true for everyone however I can't assume (although I still do at times and it leaves me sad and/ or disappointed) I'm still working on that part. But I strive to do better, iPray the same for you as you read these words.
Namasté
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