The other night after i posted my "happy husband" thoughts, i received a text from one of the gentlemen referenced. I found myself not only caught off guard, but a bit overwhelmed. Earlier that evening I was a bit annoyed, I had to chastise my son regarding some basic ass shit and the frustration of the redundant conversation got under my skin. I'm a very laid back parent, I voice my standards and expectations, however I believe in individualism and freedom of speech, as long as you aren't disrespectful.
So later that evening i prepared to have a "good nights rest", only to discover it would be a nap. When I awoke I had a vision that I had two grey hairs growing from my chin and when I pulled them several returned in their place. Then another where there was a loose string on my shirt and when I pulled it the whole thing unravelled. The message I got was to "be still" so that's what I'm doing. I'm not forcing or chasing anyone, everything will come together by design. I have no worries.
I find myself giving my energy and at times it is then blocked, the part I don't understand is they request it. They pray for it, then when it's staring them in the face they realize they weren't truly ready for it, they didn't believe they deserved it or they allowed fear to con them out of going going forward. Then I think, don't we all have that area in life where we do that? My areas were love and career. I'd somehow allowed myself to believe that I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve to have the desires of my heart. I don't really know where these beliefs came from, but I am so glad I cleaned house from that shit. As I reflect on work and anxiety, I've learned to appreciate my anxiety. I know, that sounds crazy as hell, but as I am aware of the antics from grumpy and the angry birds I know that I must be confident in my work. I know that I must cross EVERY t and dot EVERY i. So when they begin to accuse me of making mistakes I can reply without the shadow of a doubt that my responses are true. See, I let go of needing to be right or perfect. I make mistakes, I don't know everything, hell half the time I speak I'm learning right along with my audience or I learned not too long before. I feel as if people place me on a pedestal and expect perfection yet they don't hold themselves to that standard.
I had a couple conversations recently and I expressed that I hold everyone I know to the standards I have of myself. Meaning I don't ask of others what I wouldn't do myself. I remember as a manager one of my peers complained to our boss that I came to work "too stylish" for the department I ran. He complained about my heels and didn't know how efficient I could be in them. Well, my staff wore sneakers, but when they called off or during the time i had to terminate employees left and right I covered for them. I thought my cleaning person how I liked things to be clean, I thought my cashier how to organize their space and handle money. When it was time to change signs I walked the area, in my heels with the contractors and got things done.
Often times people will belittle you and have you feel as if you're so off your mark. I'm now starting to see that's usually when you're right on point. Do you think it's easy to make your dreams come true? To have the relationship you've dreamed of? Absolutely not! Yet I know the dreams I have in my heart are worth everything I've been through. Aren't yours?
No comments:
Post a Comment