Mermaid Life

I've had this dream or maybe fantasy is a better word, of being a mermaid. I have this need for water that I can't understand. We all know about my nightly 2 hour bathtime, then there's Summer by the pool. When I moved into this building I loved to stand on the balcony of my bedroom and stare at the pool, I wasn't happy with the weight I'd gained, I couldn't swim and I'd convinced myself that I "didn't like people". So I'd only go down when it was deserted smh. I remember when my balcony flooded, I was beyond pissed! Although, the unit I moved to is a much happier space my balcony faces the street. Recently I noticed that when I sit on my yoga mat I have out there I can see the Mountains through the trees, i also realize while meditating out there I often end up exercising in some way. Now I love being at my pool and socializing with my neighbors, it's such a sense of community.

So the other night after letting my son know that he needs to get his shit together before the wrath comes his way, I needed to go to the beach. This time neither the bathtub or pool could give me what I needed. As I got close to the water I felt myself calming down, I felt the frustration leaving my body, the disappointment and anger were on their way out too. At one point the waves were low and I directed a thought to the Sea to "carry me away" I then noticed the waves getting higher. Once I realized what was happening, I laughed and said aloud, "I was just kidding".

I am so careful with my words, even in jest, because I innerstand how powerful they are. As I deal with this journey that I've accepted, I find myself embracing the body that I chose. The body I hated for so many years, as I cleanse I have been reminded to nourish and pamper my body. To treat it as it is, the temple of my being. I have been reassured of my commitment to abstinence and why it is important for me to establish a solid connection with someone before I exchange scared energy with them. A condom isn't enough for me, the fact that I would run to the ob/gyn after every encounter because of the feeling I had. I knew I was fine, however the energy wasn't right. I went to the doctor for reassurance that I wasn't doomed or plagued because I was unaware that it was my spirit that was crying out.

I've now grown to a space where I truly love my body, and the parts that I still have issue with are shaping up as well. I recognize they just need a little more care, concern & energy to get how I want them to be. I feel free in the water, just me and my shell at one with the flow of the current.

I'm convinced, I was a mermaid in a former life, which is why in that moment I didn't mind being carried out to sea. It's where I belong.