Very often my Dad says the craziest shit to me, I honestly used to think he was crazy. He started talking to me about boys when I was probably 8 or 9, I'd say "eww, Daddy I don't even like boys" and he'd always respond "one day you will". Now I speak with him about the men in my life and I express my thoughts and feelings about each of them. Randomly, he'll ask me for updates or he'll point out when I haven't mentioned someone. I recall a few conversations recently where he expressed that he didn't like my ex, although he never met him. He'd been fed information from someone with ulterior motives, luckily I was able to provide some facts and help him see this person for who he is. In the event he finds himself in the mix, I don't want my Father to have ill feelings for him. Since my Dad's opinion means a lot to me, I understand how that would create disharmony in my situation if I didn't nip it in the bud now.
So we're running errands and he needs to make a stop, he looks at me and expressed how all of his friends are pimps. I say, "Daddy, I know. I don't judge you" and he went on to say that he knows that, he was informing me this time a bit differently than the times before. So he says that his friends may see me and find interest as well as me being interested in return, he then went on to express how some of their daughters are/ have presented themselves. So I explain to him that it didn't matter, I would never put myself in a position where someone would have the upper hand on my Dad. To be able to say that they "had" his daughter or anything else out of line. That's always been the rule, even though no one told me to be that way, I just knew my cousin's, uncle's, hell all of my male family members friends were off limits.
I recall for years he'd tell me, "I don't care what you do, or who you're with, just don't be stupid". I was taught by example that when I'm with a man, my purse shouldn't open. My dad would make sure I was taken care of, and at Christmas he'd walk in the mall and he'd say "get what you want" we ended up with bags on bags on bags! There was no Santa story, my Daddy was/is Santa all year long.
I mentioned in another post of how he and I had an incident and I'd stop speaking to him for years. As I found myself in the same scenario I made sure that there was a clear understanding and expectations were set up front. Everything works out perfectly, so as I reflect on the "then and now" I see the valuable lesson I learned along with the huge void in my life where his presence and "gifts" were missing. My Daddy was teaching me how to avoid the pitfall of the type who sucker women out of their money. I recall an instance after that with the one who used to occupy the majority of my posts. Throughout the years he needed to borrow money from me, as a friend I assisted how I could, but he'd take FOREVERRRR to pay me back. As far as I'd always have to mention it, which of course made things awkward. Well the last instance was him harassing me to visit him, I finally said okay and prepared myself for the trip. Weeks prior to my departure I had gotten extremely sick and no one knew what the cause was. I vomited for a month, seriously, and the doctors had no clue why. Eventually everyone convinced me I was pregnant although I knew I wasn't. I remembered the last time we were together and the months calculated accurately, so I tell him of the possibility and he's actually calm. Too calm, I'm freaking out which makes the symptoms worse. So finally about a week before the trip I find out officially that I am not pregnant (another family member was), they claimed it was high blood pressure although I was never diagnosed. Yet as I'm going through all of that he has some sob story and needs to borrow money. Of course I send it with the expectation of getting it back before I left. He doesn't mention it and neither do I, the trip started out pleasant then the awkwardness sets in. I'm slowly getting annoyed with everything he says and does then I begin to question why I even like him as well as "why am I here"?
So the next day he wants to show me around the city. As we're driving around he mentions how he took his ex around and she was taking pictures of the street signs and dumb shit like that. I then mentioned to him my various travels and he shut up. I now understand he was recognizing the differences between me and the woman he'd chosen and divorced a few months later. So his idea of showing me around was to look for rental property and cars, as "the brat" came out he soon changed the scenery. I later find out that he'd planned a trip to Cali not even a week after I am here, which means I REALLY didn't need to come. The reason he was coming back was because his ex wife either bought or co-signed a car for him and he was behind on the payments. So he needed to return it or it would be repossessed if they located it. I think he even hinted to me about giving him the money, but I'm not completely sure.
Now I'm beyond annoyed and I'm ready to go! I'd also learned that a few days before my arrival he had surgery so as I'm trying to pamper him, he continues to tell me that he doesn't need my help with anything. Somewhere between day 1 and day 2 he'd taken his medication for the pain and unleashed his heart. I'd finally gotten to the Core. I was freaked out for a second then morning comes and he was right back to the bullshit. The morning of my departure I was in such a weird space I'd made my period come early. Now on top of everything else I'm pissed! Then he makes me miss my flight and its just too much, I cried the entire way home. The entire trip was a major waste of time and money, but the awakening was priceless.
Not only did he marry this girl because she was pregnant; she also had material qualities that I lack(ed) at the time, so she has a house and a Lexus -blank stare- and she obviously used her credit to assist him with getting a car. However soon after he married her he was made aware that she doesn't cook, won't clean, doesn't have the same sex drive and refused to help with the child he had prior to meeting her. A few months later he realized his mistake and popped up at my house, I expressed to him that I didn't want to hear his complaints. I pointed out that he made his choice so he needed to deal with it or get out of it, as he moved closer to me I moved away stating that we could've been happy together, but he thought the grass was greener. As he didn't seem to take my resistance well it was time to put him out. Although he knew I had the qualities he needed, he chose someone who was willing to pay in order to have a man available and he know that I wasn't going for that.
Now don't get me wrong, I know how to hold MY man down once it's established that we are in this together. But I'm not here for the co-sign life, in my mind, the man is the provider so he should conduct himself as such. I guess when you're looking for a benefactor you fail to care if the "wife" gene is anywhere in the mix. Either way, I'm grateful for what my Dad has instilled in me, at times it's been said that I'm "too much like a ni**a", but in all honestly I guess I'd prefer that over being a weak chick.
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