"I'm Different"

How many times have we fallen for that lie? I'm not sure if its ego, narcissism or the truth; or perhaps a combination of them all. The other evening during a text conversation I came to a realization about myself, 1. I actually grew up with my father, most women were raised single parent with mother and/or grandmother. 2. My Dad was a huge influence and participant in how I was raised, so I learned how to be a woman by a man. 3. I actually paid attention to the examples around me.

I remember my first BFF, we met when I was 5 and she was 6. Then we're in High School and she takes a turn for disaster. She no longer cared about our pact to abstinence or anything else we had in common. Now she just wants to talk about boys and foolishness; all this because her parents are getting a divorce. Next thing I know she's the talk of our circle and the pedestal she was on came crumbling down. Throughout those years I went through it with these chicks and the problems were always different with the ones without Dad's versus those with them. Funny thing, I recall not so long ago, I believe part of where I lost myself was when I stopped speaking to my Father. My choices in men were different, my standards were a bit below the bar, not to mention my appearance. Now that we are in great energy, I feel stronger to The Core. He says the perfect thing right when I need it and he allows me to take care of him.

I remember the Summer I moved with him (see, "Teenage Adventures"), I prepared dinner and cleaned our home. Over time I learned how he'd like things exactly and I made sure it remained that way. He was always appreciative, no matter how big or small my efforts were. We listened to music, watched Football on Sunday and had various adventures to the pool hall and shooting range. We were always close, but now we're friends. He taught me loyalty, I remember one of his friends did something shady so when we saw him he tried to get me on his side with some type of gift or money or something and I made it clear, I'm always on my Daddy's side! I understood when the men are discussing business you leave the room. No matter where he lives or what type of car he drives he remains humble, always acknowledging God and referring to himself as a King and his domain is his castle.

I remember his first business, he showed me everything. He taught me how to make money, by using my mind, talents and gifts (never my body). He encouraged every hobby I even thought I wanted to try, from the drill team to tap dancing, softball, tennis, gymnastics, even today as I tell him about my first motorcycle ride. One of my uncle's died in a motorcycle accident so it's a soft spot for him, actually today (well yesterday) was the first time he REALLY talked to me about it. So imagine his feelings about his first born riding a motorcycle, but he accepts my interest in it. Even as far as my last conversation with "The Newbie", he kept speaking to me very recklessly at one point going as far as to say "What makes you special?" followed by various curse words. I warned him for the last time to watch his mouth towards me. See there's something about knowing that my Dad will protect me makes me know my worth and that I don't have to settle for someone who can't or won't do for me what my Dad has done. It also made it all the more necessary to stay on my path, my poor decision with this guy plus his disrespectful antics and reckless mouth could have really gone to another level had I told my Dad more than the highlights of how I'd been treated. Even with the basics I could see things going left, so I told him not to worry, I'll take care of it. Which I did.

Often times when dealing with men they always doubt me, or they have this weird resentment. I remember one of the "Rebound Guys" used to complain because it appeared that everything always goes my way, then when I speak up when things aren't meeting my expectations and I leave they are always confused. It's the same conversation where they're saying "I didn't know" and my response is "I told you how I am and you didn't believe me". They never believe that I'm different until its too late.