I believe there's a very thin line between awareness and "crazy"; I think at some stage you can slip past the line and it may become difficult to find your way back. A couple of weeks ago I recognized how often I would attach that word to myself, then I heard or read something Joel Osteen said about how we attract to ourselves whatever statement we attach after "I am". Another thing I realized was that I had become afraid to watch a particular show that I'd grown to love because of the new direction it had taken. On Wednesday evenings I'd watch "American Horror Story" on FX, however this season would be in an "Asylum" so I began to question if I was able to handle it.
I've learned to recognize the "voice" of my thoughts, like, when I am listening to my core self versus when ego, fear, insecurity, confidence, doubt, etc. are speaking. In my head, they all have different voices and at times it can be a bit difficult to decipher if I should entertain the instruction or not. I find it happens with my posting as well, no matter if its on The Facebook, Twitter or this blog. My intention is to speak from my core as opposed to allowing my ego, hurt or pride to speak for me. It seems this creates a "problem" when I notice the amount of posts sitting in my drafts and the knowledge that I can't allow those feelings/thoughts to linger.
In this moment I have possibly three of my six drafts that have been a bit painful to compose and I've allowed that to be my excuse to leave them incomplete. As I've noticed the number of views increase from month to month I've grown extremely self conscious of my words however that was the purpose of blogging. As an escape or outlet for my feelings and thoughts. As I typed in the post "Here I Go Again" I have to stop resisting and let it all go, sure it isn't always easy, but it's absolutely necessary.
I just ask that you bare with me as I allow the right voice to be heard. Also, feel free to leave a comment or story of your own if you can relate.
Thanks again for your tweets, texts, retweets, etc. I appreciate each of you for taking the time to experience "the world outside my window".
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