When I decided to begin blogging again I made a mental note to exclude posts concerning sex as well as sexuality. After looking back regarding sharing my experience with abstinence, and a few encounters, although I received great feedback I felt some type of way about the information published. I feel as if it is a vulnerable and private space which should remain sacred. However as I dive deeper into my Self along this journey of Spirituality, Consciousness and self discovery, I am realizing how Sexuality is coming to mind more often than ever before. With that being said I guess I should start from the beginning (so to speak).
Rewind to Ramadan (June 28- July 27, 2014), although I am not Muslim, I decided to observe the practice of fasting, I will admit, it was an awesome experience; however as I am not new to fasting and/or cleansing I seemed to have a hard time coming out of it this time. Actually, my body is still "in" Ramadan. I know that may seem odd, but my appetite has yet to fully return. Prior to the experience I had somewhat of a love/hate relationship with food as my desire to be skinny healthy and slender sometimes borders on obsession. Along with that, my desire to connect sexually increased as well. I began to allow my thoughts concerning various desires I'd always suppressed to flow through my mind, with accepting my self, to the core; I began to really explore how deep these thoughts, rather fantasies went. To my surprise, it seems as if it is very much apart of what makes me, "me".
For a little over a month, maybe two I've realized that my chakras are over active; I've mentioned in a few recent posts I've begun practicing Kundalini Yoga; along with other yoga practices which like fasting isn't all that new to me, well that is until during one Kundalini experience where I felt my hips widen or something crazy, which was after the initial "leg shaking" experience which grew to become expected. All I remember is the feeling of ecstasy I felt right after it occurred and needless to say I've been hooked ever since! Once I realized the energy level I knew it was also time to transmute it to focus on something more creative than desires and fantasies; so I re-read chapter 11 of "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill several times in an attempt to tap into my "genius". I figured with all of the activities I already engage in, perhaps I need another one. Which is a bit overwhelming seeing how I already spend my days reading, writing, participating in social media, yoga, walking, running, some hiking and that's just to name a few of my regular activities. I also decided to cut back on an herb I am taking, MacaRoot as it is known to balance hormones as well as aide in fertility, and many other health benefits. With all of my attempts to redirect this energy it keeps creeping up stronger each time, so I posed a question onto my Facebook page to explore some other activities in order to gather information as well as trigger a thought or concept I may not have thought of already. Well, the only thing I found was other yoga practices. That is until earlier this week after a conversation with my "love guru", soon after speaking briefly about some things on my mind I found an article which covered exactly what I want to experience.
Compared to others I've spoken to, I am a bit of a late bloomer however I am quite satisfied with my experiences, overall. However there's one thing that I've done that I suppose I am seeking again; I never knew the term or how to express it exactly, that is until I read about "Soul Fucking" on Elephant Journal which talks about an extreme sexual connection; which brought tantra and kama sutra to mind. I have books on both subjects however I have yet to do more than flip through or read a chapter here and there. I read another article today which was quite underwhelming in comparison, and I have yet to find anything else which speaks about channeling creative energy or how to completely deal with sexual energy. I understand that the desire is completely natural, but I am curious to know how others deal with hmmm a hyper-active sex drive. Like, if you are truly in touch with yourself to the core, is this a common "side effect" for lack of a better term or is this just unique or a case by case basis? For those who may be practicing abstinence or celibacy, how do you direct your energy without creating frustration? In a bit of research, I read how depression, stress as well as anxiety and other factors can also cause this "issue", yet I was hoping to find more insight rather than use my "disorders" as the go to cause for these thoughts.
In addition, as I come to terms with the issue which is my appetite I am now questioning the path of diet and entertaining the idea of trying vegetarianism or pescetarianism, which I've done before. The trouble with that so far is each time the concepts come to mind it also triggers thoughts of completely alternative lifestyles, which I am unsure how much I am truly ready to explore. Well, let me take that back. It isn't so much that I am unsure how much I want to explore, it's more so, how much I actually want to share as it would be somewhat public as the voice of the Blog is to share my experiences along my journey into womanhood. So I guess I am willing to open up a little more than I originally planned concerning the direction. Seeing how the primary goal for blogging is to express myself and not hold so many thoughts in my head; especially as I am dealing with so many things I must come to terms with such as mental health disorders and illness along with Spiritual growth and overall awareness.
To be continued...
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