The World Outside My Window

"no girl should ever forget: that she doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her back". -Marilyn Monroe There's a space in my heart that I have yet to fill, funny thing is I am positive that I've typed this before.  I understand, you cant control who you love; so of course you cant control when to stop loving someone.  Problem is: how do you continue to love someone who doesnt love you?  Better yet, when do you stop loving someone when you've had enough?  I guess if you've actually had enough the feelings or love would stop on its on.......  I have no clue, obviously.  I just want to stop *wipes away the tears*

i feel some type of way when i hear about someone being pregnant, i know that's selfish and "wrong" or whatever but its my truth so I must deal with it.  I also feel some kind of way when a man says to me "you can tell me anything" and when I do, I don't feel the safety he implied with those words.  I feel like I may never get what my heart truly desires: happy marriage, adoring husband, wonderful children, fulfilling career.  I mean I am not expecting some fairy tale but as time slips away and 30 becomes an age of the past, I wonder when and sometimes if at all my time will come. I am doing the work and getting through my progress however am I hung up on someone who will never want the same things as I do?  Is this all just a waste of my time?  Is it time to move on or do I wait a little longer as he shuffles through his circumstances and consequences?  I suppose only time will tell, but the real question is, do I really have time for it?

when making a decision one must factor in the desired outcome.  sometimes I think we blindly choose things without fully debating the "pros" vs. "cons" and understanding the consequences of our action, or sometimes, our inaction.  It seems that people often confuse consequences for circumstances and forgot that they are not the same thing,  A circumstance is like, "the hand that life deals you" and you must make the best out of it.  Whereas a consequence is a direct reflection of a choice, whether it was successful or a failure.  No one is responsible for your consequences but YOU however some may say that others contribute to your circumstances.  Either way, you alone must become the master of your fate and shape the journey so that it takes you to your desired destination. lately, I've noticed many people create situations for themselves which are clear consequences of poor decisions and call them "circumstances" and figure they just have...

'Inside every confident, driven, single woman. Is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved?' ~ Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City The other night lying in bed debating on sending a text or not (I chose, not!) I realized, when it comes to men I often do things to receive a response, reply, action but most importantly ATTENTION. I guess that's not a bad thing, depending how you perceive it... The problem is, I don't see where its gotten me thus far which is why I didn't send anything. As much as I love, miss, want, and at times dare I say need him I refuse to settle for a series of 'responses'. Makes me wonder: is your life so busy that you don't have the time to reach out to me and initiate a conversation? Or, are you too lazy to do it because you assume I'll take the lead, every time? Then the question of all questions, do you just not want to or think its necessary to communicate with me on a regular basis??!?! I'm tired!...

"This week the last pass of the ongoing opposition between Saturn and Uranus takes place. Saturn is in Libra and moving forward, while Uranus is in Aries and is retrograde. It is time to find your inner balance while also taking advantage of this opportunity to shed old fears, patterns, negative emotions, and other sticky energies. By doing so, you can create space to grow into the person you were always meant to be." Okay, so the above was copied & pasted from MSN Horoscopes today which explains so much right now. This week has been extremely 'odd' however I couldn't quite put my finger on it so to speak. For the most part I blamed pms and unsettled hormones which may have been caused by the stars, planets and such. Especially since my astrological sign is 'ruled' by Saturn I'm sure for those who truly believe in this concept it speaks for itself. In retrospect it does make sense; at least to me. I've felt deja vu a couple times this week, v...

i would like to get on an airplane and disappear lol like the song says "im leaving on an airplane and i dont know if i'll be back again" funny i dont recall the exact lyrics or the name of the artist but randomly that line jumps in my head and i dream of a day when i can pack a back and go.  i envision a small bag with the bare necessities and i'd buy whatever i needed as i travelled.  that would be so awesome! especially as i feel overwhelmed by the direction my life has taken.  for a brief while i had become very passive with my career choices, kind of making rash decisions or just plain not thinking things through leaving me in a place where i am not happy or passionate about what i do for a living.  i appreciate the fact that i have employment especially during these hard economic times however i feel like i need to make a difference and i am not doing that at this time. which is another reason for this much needed vacation: peace of mind! i need to cle...

I've started several entries to no avail, I guess my heart just wasn't in any of them. I even considered deleting all of my prior 'thoughts' and starting anew but what good would that do? I've scrapped things in the past: people, phone numbers, blogs, you name it but those days are over. With all that said I decided not to erase everything simply because they are somewhat preoccupied with a certain someone the truth is, I felt those things. I still feel those things so why erase them as if that will magically erase the love or the hurt. I completely understand that I am a work in progress striving to be a better me but I still love him. I pray that one day I'll love him less, until its not at all. It helps when I don't talk about him or think too much of our history (ancient and that of recent days) today was not one of those days. I was often reminded of the latest hurts and I began to miss him. I even considered texting but thought it'd be in my bes...

Now, now, now, honey You better sit down and look around Cause you must've bumped yo' head And I love you enough to talk some sense back into you, baby I'd hate to see you come home, me the kids And the dog is gone Check my credentials... I give you everything you want everything you need Even your friends say I'm a good woman All I need to know is why? Why don't you love me? Tell me, baby, why don't you love me When I make me so damn easy to love? And why don't you need me? Tell me, baby, why don't you need me When I make me so damn easy to need? I got beauty, I got class I got style, and I got @ss And you don't even care to care Looka here I even put money in the bank account Don't have to ask no one to help me out You don't even notice that Why don't you love me? Tell me, baby, why don't you love me When I make me so damn easy to love? Why don't you need me? Tell me, baby, why don't you need m...

had a wonderful Mother's Day. Spent it w/the love of my life & my fav! Funny how I recall carrying him n my tummy & talking/reading to him. I remember praying to GOD for a healthy, happy child & the skills to provide, nurture & teach him. Over the past 10 yrs I know GOD heard me. I almost shed tears. I am truly proud of how brilliant, caring, loving, happy and funny my son is. Very well rounded my heart is smiling

vul·ner·a·ble adj. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury. The funny thing about loving someone is the risk you take when you decide to be completely *open*. Being open requires you to become vulnerable in hopes that the person feels the same, or returns similar openness to you. Well what happens when you choose to be open and the other person does not? Do you continue, or is it wise to hold back? However if both person are picking and choosing what to share with one another what type of relationship/friendship can come from that? Yet if one person is open and the other person is not, it is clear that the person who is sharing their all is most *susceptible to emotional injury* so I guess the question then becomes: is it worth it? That I suppose can only be measured by how much this friendship means to the person who's likely to become a victim of it. But is victim the right word? I find myself in a very odd situation because I have to make a decision to either open my...