The World Outside My Window

vul·ner·a·ble adj. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury. The funny thing about loving someone is the risk you take when you decide to be completely *open*. Being open requires you to become vulnerable in hopes that the person feels the same, or returns similar openness to you. Well what happens when you choose to be open and the other person does not? Do you continue, or is it wise to hold back? However if both person are picking and choosing what to share with one another what type of relationship/friendship can come from that? Yet if one person is open and the other person is not, it is clear that the person who is sharing their all is most *susceptible to emotional injury* so I guess the question then becomes: is it worth it? That I suppose can only be measured by how much this friendship means to the person who's likely to become a victim of it. But is victim the right word? I find myself in a very odd situation because I have to make a decision to either open my...

Ooh, you're searching for something I know, won't make you happy Ooh, you're thirsting for something I know, won't make you happy Ooh, you did it all again, you broke another skin It's hard to believe this time, hard to believe That my heart, my heart's an open door You got all you came for, baby So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride's worth Is bigger than the pain you got for it hurts And out runs all of the sadness It's terrifying, life, through the darkness And I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again I'd do it all again, I'd do it all again You try sometimes but it won't stop You got my heart and my head's lost, ooh yeah I've been burning down these candles for love, for love So weary, someone to love is bigger than your pride Ooh, someone to love, mm, someone to love Someone to love Ooh, you're searching for something I know, won't make you happy Ooh

when he's not around I can't sleep & I have no appetite. when I make myself eat (b/c I know I have to) food has no taste I just need him close to me *sigh* to feel his breath on my neck, his look as our eyes meet & the way my body feels when he touches me

I try my best not to get my hopes up when it comes to him... yet for some reason I can't just let go completely :-/

Okay so he came for "a couple days" which was actually a week and did not make any real effort to see me. The one day he did the time of arrival changed multiple times for various reasons however didn't happen because I live "too far". I will admit I was initially disappointed and hurt mostly because this is the same person (I almost typed 'man' but realized that would not have described him appropriately) who I've driven an hour and 13 minutes (from Los Angeles to Oxnard, yes, I google mapped it just to be sure) to see numerous times AND this is the same guy who asked & expected me to visit him clear across the country. Which my foolishly 'in love' ass was prepared to do without blinking an eyelid. The epiphany occurred as I prepared and eagerly awaited his arrival to realize that he wasn't coming long before the confirmation. I kept thinking 'he's just not that into you' not because I doubt that he loves me, which I ...

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control" So I noticed that I posted the above quote twice lol back to back. Crazy thing is: minus the 'title' and 'label' the posts were identical. Both times a certain someone came to mind and I wanted to record the thought that captured my feelings toward *him. I recall him saying that he'd sent a message to me prior to our initial meeting and I didn't remember, according to him I didn't respond then coincidentally we become friends through a chat room of mutual friend only to build an extraordinary bond that has seen its ups and downs for the past 8 years. That to me sounds a bit like fate which is why this quote hit so close to home. Out of the number of internet friends that particular chat room created I don't speak to any of them. However with him through our periods of not speaking no matter how hard I try to fight it, it doesn't...

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control

I think some people are truly scared of being loved FOR REAL so they tend to go back to the person that really make them comfortable. The person who makes it easy for them; that way they aren't required to take the next step are grow with the other person. They can remain dumb and stagnant or content with mediocrity. sometimes they honestly don't know how OR don't believe they deserve to be loved in return sometimes you just have to take the good times & remind yourself that its over for a reason because you'll never figure out the mind of a man who goes back rather than grow forward. yet that's the path he chose so I gotta know I'm better off without him. my ♥ aches but I rather deal with it now & heal (eventually) than to have an aching ♥ WITH the man who claims to love me ... Clearly he's just not the one FOR me and one day he will no longer be a thought or memory. One day I won't see his face when I close my eyes or hear is voice as I r...

I was the one I who could Pull in all the stars above Lay them on your feet And I gave you my love You are the one that got me started You could have let me Love anyone but I only wanted you So why did you make me cry Why didn't you come get me one last time You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll always know the reason why this love Reason why this love Aint gonna let you go You lay me down and left me for the lions A long, long time ago You left me there dying But you'll never let me go You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll always know the reason why this love Reason why this love Aint gonna let you go You'll always know the reason why The song you heard Will stay on your mind It aint gonna let you go, no Cos you were the moon And I the endless sky You'll always know the reason why We could have had the moon and the sky You'll alwa...

'I was just thinking about you, wondering what you doing I mean what you've been up to I know its wrong feeling this strong let me take a second minute I will think this thing through Remember all the moments for two, how we used to Oh yeah But the reality honestly...you where never good for me and I was never good for you. I just remember what we used to do..' Lately whenever my mind travels to thoughts of him I am reminded of the Jill Scott song in which she reminisces of a past lover who 'stretched her limbs across the bed and showed her where the climax was at' whewwwwwww yes! That would be YOU *wipes away the tears* anyway she paints a vivid picture of the love they shared. I know if I pick up this phone, write this letter, send this '2way/text' I'm gone say some things and you're gonna say some things that we both don't need to say. In the end regardless of the connection if its only physical the contact isn't worth the h...