The World Outside My Window

I've begun drawing, at least in my head for now.  I intend to capture the images onto paper in the near future. Not to share, but to stretch my imagination in a way I haven't practiced in quite some time.  At times, I question if I am attempting to be a writer or if it is truly something I desire to become.  Even as I question myself I drift into thought of things I daydream about, the writings left unpublished as well as the songs composed in my heart.  I am not sure why I stopped myself from expressing these things before, or why I've decided to share so much now;  I suppose I reached a point where keeping everything to myself was no longer satisfying. I've read a few notes from a journal simply titled "thoughts", when I purchased it I envisioned pages upon pages, filled with ramblings as well as stories and perhaps the makings of a book. However, after dealing with a few matters along with the ever-present mental health issues I seem to have taken a step b...

"Even if you have nothing to write, write and say so." Marcus Tullius Cicero Each Night I stare at my laptop with the desire to write something worth sharing.  I have 7 drafts, however each time I read them I feel as if they are too personal to share; so I debate deleting.  I've even considered deleting the Blog and starting one I've had in mind for some time now.  Then I reconsidered, the concept is much more personal than the current one. The thing is, I finally realized what's been holding me back. I don't know how to describe it completely,  I recall a time when I'd sit at the computer or my laptop and the words would overflow.  That was prior to the diagnosis as well as in the beginning stages of the disorder(s). Knowing that I've chosen to publicize my Blog suddenly brings about a certain type of Anxiety I am not quite familiar with.     I don't know how much I can discuss, but I recall when I first spoke out about what I felt was hap...

I always have a difficult time deciding what to "give up" for lent. My first thought is always communication; or should I say "people"? I'll keep my reasons to my self.  The funny part is, it's typically because of my "attitude" during this time; the few times I've chosen to participate in lent, I gave up communication in addition to a dietary change.  Since dealing with various changes in my life as well as with my health, I am considering trying a vegan or vegetarian lifestyle as a way to challenge myself for lent.  Then I thought how trivial that is in the grand scheme of things.  Only because I've done those types of cleanses or fasting before, where's the challenge in that?  I suppose a greater challenge would be to commit to writing; well posting more often for the next 40 days.  There's a thought... Although I am not Catholic, I find myself incorporating various customs from other religions in an attempt to gain spiritual ...

I didn't realize I've been grieving; well, suppressing grief.  I thought I said my "good bye"; without going into details, I figured I was "okay".  It seems I've been grieving particular things for a little while now; the dead spaces in my life/ relationships.  I don't care to share the most recent however I believe that is possibly what sent me to the edge.  While dealing with my issues as well as the random "meet and greet" with my "demons" I feel as if I am losing my mind.   The worst part is, for the majority of my life, when I felt this way I could crawl in my Grandmother's bed and cry or be silent and she'd just know.  She knew what to say or what to do to make me better.  I couldn't go to the funeral and I have yet to visit the site; however I have a special place where I feel I can commune with her.  So far that's comforting, but it's not the same.  Almost 9 months later and this is (I believe) the...

"The wound is the place where the Light enters you."  - Rumi* At the end of Summer 2012 I underwent surgery;  at the time I believed it was in my best interest.  Yet about 3 months later clouds of vanity interrupted the practical reality of the pain and suffering (physically as well as financially) caused by the issue in the first place.  I believe I have finally reached a space in my Being where I understand how that could be classified as a "flaw".  Nevertheless, my humanity is unhappy with the scars and pain that I deal with years later.  As a woman of a certain age, my Body has begun different changes that I have yet to grow accustomed to; along with my other issues, things have gotten a bit overwhelming.  Some days I remember my youth with fondness, however as I am typing these words which are coming from an unfamiliar space, I realize, I am still young!  Acknowledging my battle with Severe Depression is tough for a (self-diagnosed) N...

The other day I chose not to take my medication.  I don't know how long or often that will be the case since I have been feeling extremely stressed; regarding various issues I am facing.  In addition to the accomplishments of November 2014; I believe I may have put a bit too much pressure on myself, yet in those moments I knew I was doing the "right" things.  Checking off various tasks on a to-do list as well as truly seeing strides taken toward a vision I've dreamed of was quite astonishing.  At least for me.  With that, I found myself in December 2014 in a state of unpreparedness, as everything was quite new, unfamiliar and moved at a more rapid pace than I have been accustomed to. Although I experience "deja vu" more often than I used to, I am still learning how to put the puzzle together appropriately.  My desire is to continue on the path, as well as enjoy the journey God has chosen for me. This has been interesting the past few months as my Birthda...

Before I realized it a month had passed without Blogging; although it wasn't intentional, I feel some type of way about it.  I thought about transferring my thoughts from my journal(s), however I wanted to share something new, fresh and from the heart.  Trouble is, my heart is dealing with a few things that are too personal to share at the moment; perhaps as time goes on there will be more things that I can talk about, but for now... Crazy how things seem to unfold,  I prayed for many years for something with a deadline attached, I already know the "law of attraction" as well as that old saying "be careful what you wish for, you just might get it"... Well, it's too soon to tell, but I think (one of my many) prayers has been answered.  Unfortunately, the timing has me second guessing and reconsidering; which makes me feel as if I am being ungrateful or unreasonable in processing this possible change in my life.  Maybe the word I'm looking for is self...

3rd eye massages followed by intense Brain stimulation; only obtained by a deep mental connection.   Our vibe chills the air; filling the silence with sounds of our breath under the sparkle of the Stars; and the shine of the Moon. Breathtaking silence. Interrupted by the sound of thoughts so divine, they must be shared.

I'm in my cave; it looks unfamiliar as i haven't been here in quite some time. I've been away. Honestly, I didn't expect to return. Then I think, what if my domain is the same? However, my eyes have changed.  The three of them seem to be more in harmony than before. Realizing what matters as well as what may need a better or perhaps alternate perspective/ understanding.

the brightness of the Sun blending with the warmth of your Soul the Brain can not comprehend the flow of Love and the depth in which it is to be understood yet the Heart knows and feels the expressions because it knows of Harmony and Dedication like no other.